2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why are you making yourself worse by judging others? How is condemnation and self-esteem related? Let's talk about this.
If I am judging another, then, as a rule, it is a sign that I am judging myself. In general, this is always the case in life. As a person relates to another, so he relates to himself. Therefore, when you are mistreated, have pity on that person. Because he actually treats himself so badly. And this is his greater sorrow than your worries about how he treats you.
When I started studying to be a psychotherapist, it was a whole discovery for me, and for some time I was developing this skill. For example, I hear a story about a woman who has a husband, everything is good in the family. And then bang - she has a lover. And she talks about it, she also cries that here I am so unhappy and there is something I lack. I think - no shit to myself. And our trainers taught us to treat everything without condemnation. Do not think that this is something bad or something good. More responsive to how a person is with it. If this is not good for him, then it is not good for him. Rather, look for a landmark inside someone who finds himself in such an unusual situation.
In general, since then I have become easier to relate to different things. Someone likes to dress strangely, someone likes to cheat on her husband, someone likes not to change her husband and suffer from it all their lives, someone tries to live with a psychopathic or sadistic husband. This is the choice of each of us. And the first criterion of a human relationship is the ability to respect the choice of another. Even if it is unconscious, it does not fit into the framework of my understanding of the world. Yes, I wouldn't live like that. But this is his life and he has the right to live the way he wants, wear what he wants, watch what he wants, live with whom he wants, have sex, with whom he wants, how he wants. If only it was not socially unacceptable. For example, in public with a pig - this is certainly shocking. Although I would have looked at it and just walked by. I would be horrified inside, but I would not say anything to anyone. Because this is the choice of every person. Perhaps I would have called the police because this is a violation of law and order. And if, for example, you like a person with cancer or on your back, like having three lovers, or like not having anyone, then this does not apply to me. A person likes it - live, okay. It doesn't bother me. When something causes me inconvenience, I already talk about it and begin to somehow align my boundaries.
Let's say I like to watch Game of Thrones, and my husband likes to watch some The Walking Dead. But we have one TV for two. He plays his Walking Dead even though I don't want to watch it. Then I will somehow defend my rights and ask him to include what we both can / want to watch. For example, let’s look at a time when I’m not there, because I hate to watch it.
Therefore, I believe that it is very important for every person to treat other people without judgment. Because when the condemnation of other people disappears in you, then the condemnation of yourself will gradually disappear from you. It is even stronger than to other people. This is the "Super Ego" that observes us and says: "Ah-ah, you seem to have thought badly here, you did a bad job here, and there you are carrying some wrong values in yourself." … Well, ok, not those. And for whom are they not? For me, those, for me all my life this channel, works, I like it.
Here's another thing that's important. If not to condemn, then what to do then? Try to find the positive in this. For example, if, again, a woman has three lovers, and she is still crying something. Well, yes, it's judgmental. But she has been married for 20-30 years. That is, this is how she maintains her relationship with her husband. Otherwise she would have left a long time ago. Or a woman who lives with the same man, he does not satisfy her in anything, and she does not get herself a lover. If you condemn it, then you can find positive too. She tries, does everything in order to devote herself to only one man, strives for this ideal. If someone dresses strangely, then maybe he is a pleasant person. You can always find something positive in all situations, something that you can rely on. Learn to see beauty among some ugly details. After all, the world consists of both beauty and ugliness. And if you learn to see this beauty, then the ugliness will not be so terrible. And then it is easier to forgive yourself, and to see beauty in yourself, when you see in the world.
Friends, please note! It is important not to suppress feelings of judgment. And to understand why it is unacceptable for you? Who or what formed your judgment that it is bad. I am not talking now about generally accepted things, such as murder, violence, all kinds of crime, violation of the law, ethics, and the rule of law. But, for example, if you condemn psychosis, if I were you, I would wonder why? Who told you that this is bad? Or some kind of lifestyle - childfree, healthy lifestyle, drinking alcohol on weekends, etc.
Why is it difficult for you to accept the difference of people?
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