2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Psychologist, Supervisor, TA Script Analyst
How the life scenario of the Rescuer or "Make Others Joy" is formed. Or the driver behavior "you are good when you please others, you care about others."
I am in the black when I am useful to others or the Cinderella script is a case from practice
Here's a short test for such a scenario. Do you love giving gifts, or do you love receiving them? What do you think, if you chose the first one, what is your scenario?
I am good when I make others happy: a scenario of life for the sake of the happiness of a neighbor
To understand how such a life scenario is formed in childhood, listen to the story that happens to older children in a family when a long-awaited younger one appears.
There was a girl and her name was Cinderella. She lived a quiet and modest life until the long-awaited brother appeared in the family. It should be noted that dad, in general, would only want a son. And mom really wanted to make dad happy, she was also a Lifeguard in their family.
And then a brother appeared. Parents worked hard so that the brother had everything. And nice shoes and a hockey stick for training in the section. Cinderella's task was to help her parents raise her younger brother.
She had to walk with him, take him to the kindergarten and pick him up from there, feed him, wash him before going to bed, wash his dirty sports uniform after him. Play with him the games that he wanted and always chose only he.
If she wanted something for herself, to play something or to go for a walk with her friends, who were becoming less and less, then she was pulled back. They were accused of selfishness and called ungrateful animals.
As a result, she developed an unstable self-esteem and driver behavior, "I am good when I please others and bring benefit to others."
That is, Cinderella now perceived her value only in the context of how many people she helped and what benefit she brought to everyone.
She was angry at the helplessness of others, envied those who had everything and constantly got angry and complained about injustice.
What kind of husband do you think she found herself? A worthless and occasional drinker, whom she very soon began to call exclusively "I have it."
In general, Cinderella's adult life was also unhappy, no matter how hard she tried.
Do you want to understand what your life scenario is?
Then answer in writing and in as much detail as possible, with examples from childhood and current life, to the questions of the scenario questionnaire:
- How and for what were you praised as a child? What behavior was encouraged? For example, you were praised when you helped your mom. Or when they gave their favorite toy to a neighbor's boy. Or when my mother came from the parent meeting and said: "Thank God, even though I have no problems from you."
- How did you feel? Were there ambivalent feelings? The joy of praise and a sense of injustice: why are all the gifts to him, and I only have responsibilities?
- Rate the intensity of the feelings. For example, 7 out of 10 points - joy when praised. 9 out of 10 angry at the injustice of this world.
- Give analogies in the present tense. For example, at work, you often do work for your colleagues. You are 55, your brother is 49, and you still serve his needs, get him out of trouble, pay his loans.
- How and for what offenses were you scolded as a child? We washed the dishes, my mother scolds me for having washed the porcelain mugs poorly. Or your brother got lost while you were playing with your girlfriends in the yard. We were an excellent student and brought a C, because they fell in love with a classmate and you had no time for lessons.
- How did you feel? A mixture of polar feelings: shame, guilt and at the same time anger, revenge, envy. Resentment.
- What feelings were forbidden to show? Dissatisfaction with what is happening, joy for their successes, achievements. It was impossible to speak openly about your desires and wishes.
- Now evaluate the degree of intensity of these feelings. After episodes of punishment, Cinderella was angry for a long time, carried a resentment in herself and carefully hid it. She made a promise that she would no longer look after her brother.
- Analogy in modern life … A very painful reaction to criticism from the boss at work, up to and including going into illness. Or I'm angry with my brother, but I still help him.
Conclusion: if you answered in detail the questions of the questionnaire, you will understand what is the mechanism and features of the manifestation of your life scenario. Recommendation: if you find in yourself the features of the "Make the Others" driver behavior, contact the author of the article for advice. Advice: If you haven't pleased yourself with anything for a long time, then it's time, I'm serious, take a look here - there is something useful for you here
Share the article on social networks, so you will delight not only the author of the article.
How often do you sacrifice your desires?
How do you respond to criticism and praise?
Do you have the strength for your own life?
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