2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The phenomenon of a life scenario, in the formation of which the parents play the main role, occupies a special place in the concept of transactional analysis.
According to E. Berne's definition, a life scenario is a life plan that was drawn up in childhood, supported by parents, justified by subsequent incidents and completed as it was decided from the very beginning. A life scenario is a plan of action for a person’s life drama, which provides for which path the person will choose in his life, as well as where and how he will come to its end.
The life scenario is formed by the script messages that the child receives from the parents. These scripted messages in the future will determine the family model of the descendant, the optimal number of children and the main aspects of their upbringing, family traditions and the rights of each family member.
Script messages can be conveyed non-verbally (through observation), verbally (verbal messages), or both verbally and verbally at the same time.
At first, the script is formed non-verbally. And the first life characters of the boy are the mother, father and close relatives. By perceiving messages about themselves through first impressions of contact, children begin to understand and respond to facial expressions. Boys who were gently cuddled, smiled at and talked to received messages radically different from those received by children who were held in their arms with fear, anxiety, or alienation. Boys who were limited in tenderness and love "learned" to feel negative emotions about themselves.
I can assume that a man will return to his child those emotions and feelings that he received in his own childhood from his parents. That is, having received love, care, tenderness in early childhood, he will remember this at an unconscious level, and will broadcast to the present regarding his own children. And at the same time, a man, in whose unconscious there is no information about love and care, but there is information about fear, anxiety, indifference, coldness, will not have an inner resource for positive manifestations of his feelings and emotions.
The verbal mechanism of script formation is carried out through some messages, which can be conditionally divided into two groups.
The first includes those that are directed directly to the child (for example, "Men don't cry!", "Don't be a girl!", "You're a man in the future!", "When you grow up, you will understand!").
The second group of messages are those that are directed to other characters, but the boy acts as an observer (for example, the mother can tell his father “You are a real man!”, “You think only about your work, not about us!”, “You are not man!”,“Everything should be decided for you!”, etc.).
These messages, for their part, can be both constructive (useful) and destructive (destructive).
Constructive messages contain positive script decisions. For example, direct messages to the son from parents about his gender and the system of rules of the husband-father: "You are a boy!", "You are courageous!", "You must help!", "Girls must be protected!" etc.
Destructive messages contain negative script decisions and cause anxiety in adulthood. "When you are a child they love you, but when you are a man, the attitude towards you changes!" - the boy concludes, observing conflicts in the family.
Receiving positive messages from his parents, the boy forms positive scenario decisions. And receiving negative, accordingly, forms negative scenario decisions. But just the inconsistency of the messages that are directed to the child and are observed by him in life, provokes unpredictable scenario decisions.
Thus, conscious parenting is a guarantee not only of his own psychological balance, but also of the psychological balance of the son already in his fatherhood and the fatherhood of his descendants.
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