What Is LIFE SCENARIO

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Have you ever wondered what influenced your worldview? Why did your life turn out this way and not otherwise?

Do you feel that the desires and decisions that you make every day are yours, and not dictated by others or circumstances?

Each person has his own ideas of how to live, work, rest, how to raise children and build relationships, everyone defines for himself the concept of a happy and successful life.

All attitudes and beliefs about how to live, originate from childhood, from early experience, starting from birth.

We are talking about a person's life scenario. This is an unconscious life plan that is formed in childhood. The quality of the entire subsequent life of a person is influenced by his birth history, relationships with significant adults, how comfortable and safe the child felt in the family.

The scenario is formed by about 7 years, then it is refined in adolescence and is gradually implemented in later life. And if the scenario is malicious, then it leads to dramatic events in a person's life. The concept of scripting is the basic theory in Transactional Analysis.

◆ Parental messages have a great influence on the future life of a person - what parents transmit (tell or show by behavior) to a child about himself, about the world and about other people.

◇ Rate the difference: “Happiness that you are”, “Your opinion is important to us”, “You will succeed” or “I don’t want to see you”, “Nobody asks you”, “It's amazing that you did it”.

In the first case, the child hears about his importance and value, in the second case, the opposite destructive messages are broadcast to the child.

◆ Through messages, parents give their child some kind of instructions on how to work, make money, how to build relationships, how to achieve goals, what feelings you can feel and what you can't (for example, “boys don't cry,” “so big, but still afraid ) and etc.

◇ For example, a father instructs his son to work hard, do the job perfectly, never sit back. As a result, in adulthood, the son works hard and hard. He decided that he should work more, then it is fair and right. And if the work turned out quickly and easily, then this is not serious, he does not take it for his own merit.

◇ The girl's parents were afraid to spoil her and refused her wishes. They made only useful (in their opinion) gifts and when they saw fit. The girl decided that her requests and desires were not important, becoming an adult she never asked for anything for herself and did not know how to refuse people.

Messages are transmitted to the child non-verbally. The child captures the mood of an adult at the level of feelings, by his gestures, behavior and touch.

◆ In Transactional Analysis, several scenarios are distinguished. These patterns can be recognized in the daily stream of events. If desired, each person can influence these scenario schemes, and therefore change their scenario.

✓ Scenario "Not yet".

A person lives in a "deferred life" mode. He does not enjoy the present tense and waits for “that very moment” to heal in full force.

“I’ll graduate from university…”, “We’ll live on retirement…”, “Until I do all the work, I won’t go to lunch”, “Until we earn money, we will not marry”, “After the birth of a child, we will have a full-fledged family” and etc.

Even when the goal is achieved, satisfaction does not come. New tasks (“not yet”) appear on the horizon, which a person considers more important than his real needs and desires.

✓ Scenario "Always".

A person has a certain unpromising opinion about himself, about the world around him and other people.

“I've always been weak”, “People always cheat”, “People like me always lose”, “Well, here it is again, the same thing …”.

When such people make a decision to change something in their life, unfortunately, they unconsciously choose the old unproductive patterns of behavior, and therefore they again find themselves the losers. After all, they have a strong conviction that it is "always like this" with them.

✓ Scenario "Never".

A person is not happy with his life, he complains that nothing ever works out. "Our family never had money", "I will never find a good husband", "Such people will never help."

Never is a conviction for a person that there is no need to try, it is useless. Even if a person has the opportunity to reconsider something in his life, he does not use it, continuing to endure the situation and experience unpleasant feelings.

✓ Scenario "After".

Under this scheme, a person walks, takes a party, lives as if nothing had happened. Over time, he accumulates obligations to others, but he does not solve them, and at the same time he feels that soon there will be reckoning. Despite this, he continues to be inactive and under stress. He expects sad consequences, this prevents him from enjoying the present.

✓ Scenario "Almost".

"Sisyphean Labor". This expression can describe this kind of scenario. Meaning hard, endless and fruitless work and torment.

A person works hard, puts in a lot of effort, and when the goal is almost achieved, something goes wrong. More often than not, he does not finish what he has begun and switches to a new idea.

“I was almost there”, “I almost finished the book”, “I am almost satisfied with myself”, “I did not wait quite a bit”.

And then there is the second type "Almost 2". A person achieves, but immediately sees the next task and goes to it, devaluing the results of achievements. Burns out because it never stops.

✓ Scenario "With an open end or unfinished".

A person lives his scenario up to a certain age period or life event. Having achieved his goal, a person does not know what to do next.

So, many fairy tales end with the heroes getting married and living happily, however, what this means is unknown.

◆ The scenario of life can also be winning, banal or losing.

✓ In a Winning Scenario (Winner Scenario), a person achieves his goals and at the same time enjoys the result, he is able to rejoice in the present.

✓ Being in a Losing Scenario, the person either does not achieve what he wants at all, or does not feel satisfaction in achieving it.

✓ A banal scenario is characterized by a life without victories and losses and especially without pleasure. A person in this scenario always dreams that he would like to achieve something better, but does nothing for this.

How to determine if you are living in a losing or banal scenario:

● You have problems in your life that keep repeating.

● You have to endure something all the time: boss, low salary, difficult family relationships, etc.

● You feel that you are at an impasse and do not see a way out of the situation.

● You rarely feel "real" in dealing with people, more often you play certain roles that are convenient for the people around you.

● You "almost succeed" - your actions do not bring results or you are not satisfied with them.

● You are in a toxic relationship.

● You experience chronic love failures.

● If you analyze all of your former partners, you will see that it is like "the same person."

● You always exit the relationship in the same way.

● There is no joy in your life.

● You are depressed.

● You have problems with alcohol and other psychoactive substances.

● You don't know how to rest, work hard and cannot relax.

Can you change your life scenario?

Sure! Decide not to endure and not suffer anymore, start moving towards change! After all, we always have a choice.

The path is really difficult, it takes time and a lot of support. What was formed so long ago and has become firmly entrenched in human consciousness over the years is difficult to fix quickly. Each story is unique and cleverly woven. A person cannot independently realize and change his scenario, this is how our psyche works. I wrote about this in the article

I invite you to explore your life scenario and start creating your Winner scenario!

I encourage you to take care of yourself, not tolerate and change what you don't like.