The Value Of Feelings?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Feelings - my friends or my enemies, what is valuable or what is worth fearing?

My feelings and sensations scream that I am uncomfortable with this person. When I talk about what is important to me or what bothers me in our relationship, he ignores it and pretends that I did not say anything, continues to do what he was going to. I feel pain, surprise, disappointment, I stop for a moment, I feel the impulse to leave, but I keep walking alongside, laughing at his jokes. What I felt was unimportant, he did not attach any importance to it. I’m kind of "strange", since I react to these feelings. He's so smart, behaving in the "right" way.

After a while, I find myself in a situation where he suddenly disappears from my life, stops calling and writing. I'm confused. Is the relationship over again? Am I really not worthy of at least the message that he decided not to continue. It hurts me. Everything happened again.

What would it have been if I had followed my feelings earlier? Perceived them as a signal that I feel bad in such a relationship? Then I surrender to decide for myself, do I want to stay in this relationship? Be honest with yourself? Face the fact that someone might not like my behavior?

Or when my mom’s remarks and teachings make me angry, I tell myself that she’s right, I can’t know better than her. I forget that this is my life. She may be right about something, but wrong about something. But I didn't ask her advice when she suddenly starts telling me how to live right.

And if you imagine the story of my life a little differently. I react to my feelings, look at them, learn to understand what they tell me and take it into account in the future (in my decision, behavior, thoughts). Then I can notice when I become uncomfortable in a relationship, when I feel pain, sadness, anger. I tell my boyfriend that his words hurt me. If I see his inattention to my words, and this continues to repeat itself, then I understand that most likely this is not my person. We build our relationship in very different ways, and my feelings tell me about it. If I value my feelings and take them into account, then I end the relationship if I feel bad about them or continue if I feel joy and interest in the person. I do not wait for him to end the relationship, because I believe that he knows better, but I trust myself.

If I am not afraid of my feelings, I know that my anger gives me strength and energy to act to protect my interests, territory, my opinion, in general, something of my own. I do not follow it blindly, starting to show anger as soon as it arises. But I try to hear what she wants to warn me about. And when my mother unexpectedly teaches me, now almost 30 years old, I know that my incipient irritation is signaling a violation of my boundaries. I can gently save my personal space by turning her attention to something else. And my irritation goes away.

When suddenly I feel sad, I know that it gives me the opportunity to cope with the loss. It may be a loss of unfulfilled expectations: I have been waiting for the trip for a very long time, but because of a sudden cold, everything must be canceled. And I am really sad that there will be no joy and pleasure from the adventure. But I am not afraid of this feeling. I give him the opportunity to be in me, to manifest, and gradually it goes away, dissolves.

My feelings become friends and helpers for me. I am learning to understand their messages and see their care. Although sometimes it is not easy at all, and you just want to run away from them, push them into a distant closet. But I know that I cannot escape from myself, and that this closet remains inside my world. It will be more comfortable for me with friends))

The author's dialogue with himself is inspired by dialogues from practice.