2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A "pseudo-mature" personality is a person forced to grow up too early in childhood. Such a rapid growing up is often associated with the narcissistic demands of his parents, who were not ready to face his childhood manifestations. They could not wait, and allow the child to grow up in his biological rhythm, and demanded an adult beyond his years of behavior too early.
I personally know mothers who tenderly condemn their children to "a little sensible old man", or "he has been a prodigy and a polyglot since infancy", or "our little one cuddles all the time." They like it when the baby is comfortable, decent, better, more efficient, brighter, or more obedient than other people's children. He himself teaches lessons only for A's, does not interfere with his mother, helps around the house and in raising children, or continues with himself and with his achievements the image of a prosperous family. Some of them, even from kindergarten, grow into winners (this is a must!) Of preschool Olympiads, sports competitions for the smallest, children's intellectual contests or beauty contests.
Such adults are often successful, noticeable, and outwardly quite well-off. But they are much more prone to mental overload than others, when something in life does not go according to plan. Losing a relationship or job, losing a competition, lowering status are not simple events in the life of any person, but surmountable if in childhood a person had the right not to be the best. If he has enough internal support as an adult, his self-esteem does not significantly decrease from temporary setbacks. He has experience when he was accepted and supported, even if he is not the first and not the most. He knows that he is worthy of love and respect, as well as the right to weakness and imperfection. Therefore, he gets out of trouble much faster. He is mature enough to handle life's challenges.
A “pseudo-mature” personality has no inner right to fail, to unstuck, not to win. And if this does happen, and real life is such that it is not always possible to win, such a person experiences tremendous stress, which completely knocks out all his supports from under his feet.
Why is this happening? Because as a child, he was not given the opportunity to grow up and learn to face the unpredictability of life and his experiences. Not provided with the proper level of support. It was only possible to achieve, to produce the expected result. This means that there was no right to their authentic experiences and reactions. And then the psyche of such a person compensatory builds up a part of the pseudo-personality inside, which does not accept its imperfection, but believes in its exclusiveness, invulnerability. Having often a sufficiently high intelligence, these people retain a very idealistic idea of their capabilities, far from reality.
Sandy Hotchkis on Pseudo-Mature Child:
“They’re too adorable to call them“spoiled,”but they are largely characterized by still unresolved infantile narcissism, and they desperately need to be in control of someone to bolster their self-esteem. The "pseudo-mature" child grows up with narcissistic parents as a result of upbringing. He was prematurely deprived of parental care, which led to the formation of a false Self, which seems more competent than it really is."
When such an adult feels that he is losing control over someone or something significant in his life, this completely destroys his whole idea of himself. And then the unpleasant event is experienced not as a fact of some local loss, but as a serious crisis of identity and perception of the world.
Of course, like any crisis, it carries the potential of growing up and mastering new, more suitable ways of adaptation. But it is extremely painful to live. The best thing to do for yourself in such a situation is to go to psychotherapy. And better to a therapist working with the realm of experiences. Since the main difficulties of such people are associated precisely with the inability to maturely cope with their emotional sphere. Therapy in such cases is very effective for living the grief of losing old meanings and ideas about oneself and the world. And then - to search for inner supports and new ways to live.
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