2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Epigraph:
Such is the paradox: we perform feats for those
who cares about us, but those who love us
who needs us and without any feats …
(Just a quote, the third, about love)
Epigraph number 2. Leo Tolstoy, next quote.
The wicked man's face blooms when he is told
that they love him. Therefore, this is happiness …
Why do I need this relationship? Why do I need this job? What is important in the fact that I do this? Why do I feel good with these people, but with these - disgusting to nausea? How to prioritize in life, when to pursue your interests, and how to include and achieve your goals even where "I should / should"?
The exercise below, if done well and NOT in one go, will help you find answers to these and many other questions. Also, the answer to the question “why does the situation described in epigraph No. 1 arise” and “how can Leo Tolstoy be right and wrong at the same time” will easily arise.
Awareness of your values and criteria helps both to create and stop communication, manipulate and break off manipulations, see how units and masses are controlled, and enter these processes or move away from these processes.
In any case, a high-quality study of values and criteria will allow you, friends, to feel more contact with yourself and others, to better prioritize in life, and to find your goals even where it would seem that they do not exist (this is to the topic of scenarios and secondary benefits).
Just a couple of sentences about terms.
Value. In NLP, this is a nominalization word, or a non-specific verb.
What is nominalization? As a metaphor, we use “can what the word means be put in a cart?” Is it possible to put care in the cart? Friendship? Respect? Normality?;)
Nominalizations are those words that turn from procedural words (verbs) to nouns. Caring is caring. Friendship is friendship. Respect is respect.
It would seem that everything is simple. But from time to time I come across the fact that “he / she does not respect me”, when the partner thinks that “I do everything for him / her”. “Well, I bring money, I provide everything, and she devalues everything, I’m just an ATM for her,” at the same time, the woman “I don’t feel warmth from him, and I just need to talk for half an hour a day, so that he can embrace.”
In other words, each person has his own set of actions and rules behind the nomination, with which he describes it. These actions and rules are called Criteria.
So, only 2 terms are needed to start dealing with our desires, needs, claims and joys. Nomination (value) and Criterion.
Nominalization is a generalization. The criterion is specifics.
Forward to the exercise, I myself have already been waiting:).
Making a sign. I give an example in it to make it easier to navigate.
* the plate as it is in the FB is not supported, so I am attaching a screen and a link to it in Google Doc.
As you may have noticed, I have introduced another term, Anti-value. For some, such an introduction will be something annoying, but for others it will be fun. It all depends on whether I have violated someone's criterion for value, for example, "Honesty", or satisfied someone's "Fun."
For someone, the introduction of a new term may mean nothing, therefore, there is no criterion corresponding to this action of mine.
It is advisable to choose and describe several of your values and criteria, create a kind of map of ideas about yourself, your needs.
Why do I consider it important to research “Anti-value” and its criteria?
This expands the picture of the world about yourself and about others. It is easy to understand what is annoying in others and in yourself. Why do you feel good or bad with seemingly insignificant events? And even mixed. It seems that I protected my space from encroachments, and I feel a certain pride, as in the example, but at the same time, there is a slight feeling of guilt and shame.
Here's another great illustration of why it is so important to know your values and criteria, especially at a young age.
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