HOW TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE AND NOT ANOTHER LIFE Or About TRUE AND IMPLIED VALUES

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In our society, there are clearly defined patterns and rules by which you “need” to live and which you “need” to comply with. From childhood we are told what we should be like when we grow up, they often decide what we should do, which university to enter, what kind of chosen one they see next to us, there is a generally accepted age at which it is "right" to have children and this is also to some extent a duty - make a career, have a family and children. And the majority of people, obeying public opinion and striving to meet the expectations imposed on them, begin to carry out social programs, ticking the boxes “career”, “family”, “good son”, “wonderful mother” in an invisible record book, while absolutely not noticing and not recognizing my true desires, without asking myself a question - is this really what I need? Is this really what I want in life? And a very strange question, which even surprises most people - who am I? But if we do not know the answer to these seemingly simple questions, then we live almost blindly, moving by touch. Of course, a blind person also has a chance to come to the destination he needs, and this also sometimes happens in life, but quite rarely, it is rather a happy coincidence, like a finger in the sky and hitting the target. Much more often, advancing in this way, a person comes to some strange place where he realizes that he didn’t need to go there, that he wanted everything differently. Sometimes this phenomenon is called a "midlife crisis", but in reality there is no crisis, just if a person walks blindly to the shouts of the crowd "yes, come on, this is exactly where you need it," then, having come to a certain point indicated by the crowd and the environment, he opens his eyes - and realizes that he imagined the destination in a completely different way. But time has already been spent, resources have been invested … hello crisis, depression and loss of the meaning of life. Most often this occurs at the age of 35-45 years, depending on the speed of movement, but in recent years, due to the change in the speed of information transmission in the world, this "crisis" began to come much earlier, for many already in the region of 30-35 years.

In order for it to be different, we need to see, open our eyes and clearly understand where we need to. To do this, you need to understand your true (basic) values. Sit quietly, close your eyes, look at your life today. Now take a piece of paper and divide it in half. In the first column, write down what is most valuable in life at the moment from your point of view. It could be your home, knowledge, beauty, information, children, money, travel, recognition, work, career - whatever. Write down 10 of these values. Do not forget the values that came to us easily and effortlessly. They are all different, someone has this good health from nature, taken for granted, someone has money from birth and we do not value it, someone has a good friendly family and has always been. Write down everything that is valuable in your life today and number it. In the second column, write down those values that you think are very important to you, but they are not present in your life. Let them be also 10. Now take the first list, go down the list, and ask yourself about each of the points - this is really my value, it is really very important for me that this is in my life, can I live without it? Whose choice is it, mine, of parents, or maybe this is accepted in society? If the answer is yes, this is my value, my choice, I cannot imagine life without it - this is your value in fact. If you start to hesitate, doubts arise, and it seems to be so, but I probably could have lived without it or replaced with something - cross it out without hesitation. In the vacant space, enter the value from the second list, and analyze it in exactly the same way. Continue this until 10 items remain on the first list. These are your base 10 values. Now count how many of these 10 remaining items are values from the first list, and how many from the second. We draw conclusions: if you crossed out more than 5 values from the first list and supplemented the list with values from the second list, most of the values in your life are imposed on you. If, on the contrary, the first list has hardly changed, congratulations - you live in accordance with your values and most likely the joy of life is a constant companion of your path.

And in conclusion, I would like to say - do not betray yourself. Listen to yourself and your real desires, live in accordance with them, and most importantly - only we ourselves are responsible for our life and our happiness: we ourselves know best of all what will be right for us. And love yourself, you are the most important value in your own life.