2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Probably the most significant thing that I have acquired over the years of personal therapy is the gradually acquired and strengthened skill of discovering the possibility of choice and making choices in the topic of emotional self-regulation.
I have found that my emotional plunges into unpleasant states are always accompanied, first, by some thoughts and even concepts. These thoughts and concepts are roughly similar to each other, roughly on the same topic. And, most importantly, it was this "addition" in the form of thoughts that made the experience finally unbearable.
For example, "I feel bad and it will never end" or "… I can't do anything about it, I'm helpless." The unpleasant experience itself is complemented by the idea that what I feel is super terrible, beyond my control and infinite in time.
“I feel bad and I feel this experience as something globally terrible, uncontrollable and endless … but in fact, I know that it will end. because it was already like that”- at some point inside me appeared, and then this thought was fixed. And my health improved qualitatively.
Even complex emotional states are always accompanied by some kind of bodily manifestations, which I use in a certain way. That is, I call it for myself.
For example, a nagging and oppressive feeling in the chest is despair and helplessness.
Is this so?
It turned out that besides the nagging pain in the chest, there are other sensations and manifestations - for example, intense breathing and tension in the muscles of the legs. And despair and helplessness suddenly turned out to be a strongly suppressed desire for action.
It is the thoughts and concepts that are "thought" that often trigger certain bodily experiences and emotional states that are perceived as traumatic, intolerable and difficult to control.
The main thought that triggers my intolerable experiences is something like this: “Oh, my God! Again this situation! I hate her so much !! Every time I feel bad. Every time I feel confusion, fear, anger, helplessness.
And I can't handle them!"
And this “I can't” has also undergone changes over the years of therapy.
From "I can't at all, because I don't understand what I need"
⠀ through "I can not, because it is not available to me"
to the desperate "damn it, I don't understand how !!"
and in "I roughly understand, but I am so scared, VERY scared !!! … for this I will not yet … for this I will still suffer".
No, I didn't stop there, of course.
Then came “Very scary, but I'll try it anyway” and “Hurray !!! It worked!!!!". This, I admit, honestly, does not always work out. Sometimes you still need or have to be "in pain and helplessness" - after all, in order to take the necessary steps, you need not only knowledge of how to act, but also a certain amount of resources. And they are not always available in the here and now.
But the very process of being in the "trauma zone", "in the zone of unbearable experiences" is completely different than before.
There is awareness in it. And in this state I choose to continue to act in the old way or to take new actions.
This awareness helps me to analyze the effectiveness of my choices and their consequences, to notice what was previously invisible and every next time to take, if not global, drastically changing the situation and instantly relieving me of unpleasant experiences, then very small new decisions and actions that, as a result, smoothly and gradually bring my mood and well-being back to normal.
Indeed, often in a state of being stuck in unpleasant experiences, small and simple actions and steps help us. And these small steps lead to big changes.
How do you deal with your “difficult experiences”?
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