2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“A frustrated woman is not so much concerned with finding a solution to her problems as soon as she needs a release. It is easier for her already from the fact that she spoke out, and she was understood. In the process of this “splashing out”, a woman comes to a more accurate understanding of what exactly is the cause of her feelings, and then suddenly a moment comes when she calms down”- writes the author of the popular book“Men from Mars, Women from Venus”.
I believe that the book is not only in order to understand the difference between the sexes, but also in order to more correctly communicate with each other, with another woman.
Women have lost the ability to just listen. Earlier, when society was communal, speaking out happened in the process of life. The modern world offers us a kind of race of actions and achievements. Living in such a rhythm, we think in this framework. There is no place for idle chatter. A woman does not know how to just listen, she begins to give advice, as a man does.
By the way, today we have a more masculine world in terms of historical events. For a long period, a woman did not have the rights and freedom of action that we have today. Many generations have lived within a certain framework. As a result, when we women gained the right to “have our own figure in society,” we began to inherit the actions that men do. In fact, we do not really know how it is, "to do like a woman." Therefore, in our behavior, masculine traits can slip.
If you ask a woman what is important to her when she is angry, sad, in despair, etc., she will say something like this: “It is important for me that they just listen to me, DO NOT GIVE ADVICE, and do not talk about how someone, somewhere even worse."
Just listen and that's it. So easy and so hard. However, when something happens to our friend or sister, each of us has a bunch of different tips inside that we really want to help. Although we ourselves can get angry when they give us advice. At the same time, it is very unpleasant for us when our "care" is not accepted. This causes aggression, dissatisfaction, emptiness, etc.
And sometimes, a friend, having heard our groaning, can answer “I don’t know what to tell you”. And the main secret is that you don't have to say anything. Just listening and understanding that what is happening with the interlocutor is very important for her and she is now feeling bad. Even if in your opinion it is bad, it is absurd. I call this "making a problem of mega importance."
As a rule, a woman knows how to solve a particular difficult situation. If we do not know, then the conversation begins with approximately the following words: “I don’t know what to do, maybe you can tell me …”. Therefore, unsolicited advice can only irritate and cause the feeling of "they do not understand me."
Note to each of us. If you want to support your friend, daughter, sister, mother, colleague - just listen and do not use the phrases "don't worry", "take it easy", "it's not fatal", etc.
I wish my dear reader attentive listeners and herself to be like that.
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