2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Women often come to me who feel the strongest anxiety. Sometimes they cannot even understand that it is anxiety. They simply describe vegetative manifestations in the form of palpitations, redness, shortness of breath, fatigue, internal tension. In parallel, this is accompanied by their chronic guilt for everything in the world. They are “bad” mothers, “bad” wives, “bad” daughters, employees, girlfriends, and so on. They think that they themselves are to blame for everything, and therefore, in order to correct the situation, they need to become even more comfortable, perfect, beautiful, sexy, understanding, so that everyone around becomes good and everyone is happy with her
Women, as a rule, come no longer just in anxiety, but in a state of panic attacks. The root of which is the fear and shame of being imperfect. In this pursuit of perfection, they lose themselves, their desires and needs. They lose their true self. At the same time, they fall apart, get worn out, get tired, neurotize and become useless to anyone, because at some point they ceased to be needed by themselves.
I hear a tremendous amount of guilt from such women. They believe everything that relatives say about them. "You are so selfish, you only think of yourself, you have become hysterical, you are crazy, you need to go to the doctor." And they go to the doctor. Thinking that the only problem is that they are somehow different and they need to be fixed.
And I think it's important to finally notice yourself. For real. Notice your desires, your feelings, your experiences, stop ignoring them. Start stopping loved ones who say that you are somehow not like that.
It is important to stop in your own self-improvement, to examine your life without evaluation, to look into its secluded corners. Start a dialogue with yourself. But not the kind of dialogue in which a woman constantly shames herself and blames herself. And that dialogue in which the voice of unconditional love sounds. Love and compassion for every corner of her personality, for her body, for her uniqueness. The voice of respect for one's own feelings, characteristics, sensations and experiences.
When we manage to remove a huge burden of expectations from the client in the course of therapy, lightness appears. This is possible through sharing responsibility with other people for what happens in the relationship. By working through early traumas that interfere with the satisfaction of important needs.
The woman begins to notice that it is not necessary to become perfect in order to be loved. And most importantly, to love yourself.
The acceptance process in therapy leads to itself. To the fact that I respect myself, accept, love, protect. And in others, I only react to that. I am able to give it to myself, I want to give it to others, but in return I accept only this. Therefore, abuse, violence, devaluation and disrespect disappear from a woman's life.
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