Say What You Want

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People very often complain that relationships do not work out due to commonplace reasons. There are desires, there are plans, but they never express them, because … Well, they don't know why. It doesn't work out to say out loud what you want. At the same time, it is very desirable that those around them somehow guess themselves. And if they don’t guess - byaki. Or I myself am a byaka, since people do not satisfy my needs. This is usually followed by a heavy sigh and "this is how we live." Or “Well, that's life. You never know who wants what. We need to roll up my lip too. " Well, why not? Why not say what you want. You should at least let people know about your desires. It is only then that they can reject them. But most of the people in society are not villains at all. They even make concessions quite often. If, of course, they know what others want. But why are people afraid to ask what they want or express their opinion? There are several reasons:

1. Fear that others will think they are too aggressive.
2. Fear of the aggression of others. Suddenly, if people do not like it, they will beat or scold, ridicule or take revenge.
3. Afraid of causing inconvenience to others.
4. They are afraid to appear tactless if they point out to people that people are making mistakes or treating them unfairly. For example, many people find it indecent to even tell someone that their first or last name is not pronounced correctly. Or his name is not Vasya, but Kolya.
5. Fear that your own opinion or request may cause conflict.
6. Fears that they do not have the right to express their desires in some situation. For example, they want too much.
7. People fear that if they ask for something personal, they will be considered selfish, strange and rejected.
8. Fear that any request makes them vulnerable.

Interestingly enough, for a very small circle of people, these problems are found globally in their lives. Usually, after all, they swing some limited moments, communication with a certain circle of people. So problems can manifest themselves in communication with: - Strangers. - By unfamiliar people. - Significant people and those who have a high rank. - Friends. - Relatives and friends. Someone is ready to easily dump all the ins and outs to a stranger, and friends are afraid to tell what he wants. It happens that when visiting distant acquaintances, a person is afraid to ask for more tea or give another cookie, ask to close the window, etc. And some may demand from loved ones everything that is suitable, but they never allow themselves to open their mouths in front of any other category of persons. Situations are also different. Some people are afraid to speak out if those around them have their own problems (or think about it), or if people are happy. Part of them thinks that you can't say what you want if people eat or relax. What does this lead to? People are usually not satisfied with their lives. They avoid telling their partner what they want because the partner will be angry, upset, angry, etc. And in general, “wise women are silent,” and wise men do not provoke their wife to start nagging them. And what is especially awful, in my opinion, is when such a "patient" breaks through many years later. So 25-30 years. And he dumps out all the displeasure that has been accumulating for a quarter of a century. He says: “… you know, I have suffered / suffered all my life. I had so many desires, and you … an insensitive brute. I have been / have been unhappy all these years. And you tortured me. " And the partner is at a loss. He thought that everything was fine in the family. Everyone is happy, the relationship is great. And then he turns out to be a tyrant and for so many years he has caused suffering to another. In fact, here is the one who endured and wanted to be good, lived all these years in a lie. He did not save the marriage with his silence, but lied to his partner that he was happy and everything was fine with him. He defended himself against disappointment, he was afraid that he would be rejected. And very often it was completely unnecessary. All these years of suffering could only be resolved by allowing oneself to speak. Yes, the other half can react negatively. But this is a reason to either work on the relationship. Or, if the partner does not make concessions at all and does not respect, stop suffering and take some step. Make yourself better. People who remain silent are primarily playing against themselves, because they never give themselves a chance to act in their own interests. They deprive themselves of the opportunity to establish relationships with others. And you know, expressing your feelings is not a hitting at all. Everything can be expressed in neutral terms and without an accusatory tone. Yes, in some situations there may be confrontation with an opponent, but not all desires are perceived by others with enthusiasm. It's okay for you to disagree. At least, this is a way to find out what a person thinks on a particular issue. And the most important thing. You will remove unnecessary and rather serious stress from your life.