Areas Of Satisfaction In Relationships. Part 1: Emotions, Hobbies, Humor, Intellect, Worldview

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

By spheres, I mean the areas of interaction of a pair. I have identified 8 spheres, but in your vision there may be more or less of them. I did not rely on any specific theory, methodology or book to list them, but on my own experience of relationships and observation of other acquaintances and clients.

The bottom line is that relationships are often presented linearly enough for some reason. Those. "Just like that, and nothing else." Obviously, the most important indicator of "linearity" here is the lack of freedom, creative and unbiased vision. So, "linearly", many live, and some live even happily so, but more often the lack of flexibility causes problems.

When 2 people start dating, I would say that 2 different universes merge. And it is logical that the "common" universe that arises should somehow differ from the original, isn't it? It's like 2 H molecules and one O molecule, when merged, form a completely different one, not like the original ones (and, as we know, it turns out, water, and not molecules separated from each other). Isn't it strange then to pursue the idea that he / she should become exclusively an extension of our world? It is these views, as for me, that become the basis for many conflicts.

So, which planets of these universes will "collide" if they do not have enough flexibility to recognize the differences and choose something new, suitable for both?

I'll start with the factors that can be +/- really assessed in the first months of acquaintance. And in the next article - factors that are revealed for the most part over time. ⠀

Let's start with 1. EMOTIONS 😃😞😡😍

After all, it is often from them that the merging of the universes begins to occur.

Complementarity is important here.

If 2 emotionally impulsive people meet, it will be difficult to maintain a balance of emotions in a couple, it is difficult to conflict, since everyone's emotions will go off scale. Thus, the couple as a whole can be difficult to maintain - as if the thread of connection between people would be cut off by the heat of passion.

If, on the contrary, there are 2 non-emotional people, then there is a risk of accumulating unsolvable issues: everyone will be silent and decide inside, endowing their projections (their own vision) with the partner's actions. Without making contact, it is very difficult to find out something very clearly about another person. Today you can guess, but tomorrow?

And of course, emotional comfort with a person is important. Here, somehow, you can't say more - he is in sensations: pleasant / unpleasant together, you want / don't want to, etc.

2. HOBBIES AND THE HOBBIES

It seems to me that it is good when there are 1-2 pros and 1-2 cons in a pair.

Without joint hobbies / pastimes (from watching TV series to hiking in the mountains) - well, it is difficult to communicate in one language and get joint "vertical" pleasure. And it usually leads to "horizontal".

But if you share all your hobbies together, then there is nowhere to hide and can become tightly coupled. And in some cases, there may even be competition for success in games and other hobbies.

Therefore, a part together, a part separately - it seems to me a rather comfortable picture.

3. HUMOR 😛

I find humor to be a very important criterion (perhaps partly from personal ideas, and at the same time, other couples tend to humor in the same way as well). Humor has different levels, "colors", intensity, themes …

Imagine that you really like to joke, and your partner is extremely serious. Will one and the other be comfortable? And it turns out that here, at best, everyone will need to shrink, but it is more difficult, it seems to me, for the “humorist”, because the value of humor appears only when humor “hits” the listener.

But what if humor in general is not very important for partners in life? It's hard for me to imagine this, since in one of the classifications humor is one of the criteria for a person's maturity. If he is even in the criteria of maturity, then in a pair, it seems to me, it would be even more nice for him to be present.

Well, and yet, if the criterion of humor is not important, then I think it is optimal for a couple to have at least 1-2 topics where they can have a good laugh together! At the very least, this is a great way to deal with heterogeneous stress - both in and out of a pair.)

4. INTELLECTUAL realm

I know not so many couples who care about this issue on a cornerstone basis. And yet, for some, an intellectual ally (and sometimes a rival) is critically important in a partner, capable of supporting, as they say, any topic for discussion, reflecting, philosophizing, “replaying” with the mind.

It's good when in a pair +/- the same idea of at least the basic structure of the world. I can hardly imagine how a person with a higher education (although … even a secondary one) meets with a representative of the current of the flat earth.

5. WORLD OUTLOOK

This is not an important component for couples who almost never communicate (for example, I was told about couples in which they speak different languages, but are already married and raising a child).

But for those for whom communication in a couple is important, I find worldview not only more important than intelligence, but also one of the cornerstones for a couple. If the partners have diametrically opposed views on life or attitudes towards social conflicts (for example, one is a racist, the other is anti-racist), then it is difficult for me to imagine the communication of such a couple (at least without scandals), as well as building a couple's life prospects. Of course, there is a very helpful “agree to disagree” on certain issues, but if only it can be used as a couple, is the relationship worth it? Do not know.

In the next article I want to talk about the importance of such spheres of interaction as sex, material goods and everyday life. Now, if you have personal questions and would like to discuss them face to face, my psychotherapeutic doors are open.