There Is Nothing Interesting In My Life, I Have No Hobbies

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“There is nothing interesting in my life, I have no hobbies … Work-home-work, no hobbies … How to find interest in myself, or how to make this interest strong enough to start doing something? And then somehow everything is sluggish … "… Or here's another, similar question, you also often hear:" How to find yourself? I just can't decide what I want, although I constantly think about it."

It seems to me that I know the answer - more precisely, the direction where you need to go in order to find this answer … And this direction is not at all inward. In my opinion, this is a hopeless business - to look for answers to the questions "how to find yourself", "how to find some hobbies" or "how to find energy" - within oneself. There is nothing there. Our "I" is empty, and therefore a question addressed to oneself returns as a reflected echo.

In the body and in the psyche there are no internal sources of energy of its own. A person exhausted by hunger will never find within himself a source of new calories and nutrients … There are no answers within us. There is no initial assignment, there is no "purpose" that was laid in us by someone else before our birth. One can only find oneself in interaction with the outside world. For me, the correct question is not “how to find yourself”, but in “what activity to find your interest?”. All the answers are there. In this sense, our "I" is empty, there are no answers in it. There is only a need in our "I".

Need is our needs, the feeling of lack of something in order to feel good. Finding a need in oneself is just finding an inner emptiness that one wants to fill. The three basic needs are security (the "schizoid part" of the personality), acceptance by others (the "neurotic part"), and recognition (the "narcissistic part"). It's all a need.

Now - where are the objects that are able to satisfy these three basic needs? In us - or in the outside world? Who will be fed up with self-recognition and no one else? True security is not alone, but in confidential contact with another … A person who is constantly immersed in himself, turns away from the outside world into "self-contemplation", plunges into a state of need, endlessly feeling it. It is important to feel your need clearly and clearly, but what happens if a hungry person constantly feels his hunger, and at the same time refuses to open his eyes to look around for food? And many people are in this state.

So, the answer to the question "where to get interests and psychological energy for business" is very simple: in the outside world.

The energy for action arises as a result of the tension between the need and the objects that can satisfy this need. The clearer you feel hunger, without dulling it with surrogates, the more actively you will look for food. You clearly and clearly realize both emptiness and what can fill it. Communication with other people, music, favorite book, business - it can be anything, but none of these activities is within us. Happiness is just such a state when we know that we have everything in order to satisfy all the important needs arising at the moment … I think many people are familiar with this burst of energy at the moment of clear awareness: “So this is what I want! " or "so that's what it takes!" There is one small nuance: in order to experience this moment, you need to actively seek and interact with the outside world. Until you search, do not sort out - you will never find an object to which our body will respond: "Mine!".

So, if we have no pathology and we seem to be still alive, then the point is not that there is no interest or strength, but where we “merge” or hide this energy. Three options are possible here:

A) Something is wrong with the needs. You may not be aware of them at all, but they are - they are always there. Because otherwise “I don’t want anything” would be equal to “I have everything and I’m completely happy,” but, as a rule, people who report a lack of needs feel very differently. More precisely, “I don’t understand what I want”. Another aspect: "I know my needs, but you need to do something there …". It seems that in this case, either there is a diligent muffling of one's needs (most often - through depreciation in the style of "Oh well, some nonsense desires … Something more serious is needed for mom to finally appreciate"), or this is clearly not the same what we really want. However, a truly hungry person will not, grimacing, turn away from vegetables and demand hazel grouses in pineapple sauce - he will eat and delight in food. Few people eat as energetically as hungry.

B) Something is wrong with objects in the external environment. What does it mean? It means that you in the outer world do not see anything at close range that would satisfy your inner hunger. All women are fools, men are alcoholics and parasites (and all the normal ones are already attached), bosses are idiots, and I will not approach this and will never say anything, because as a result I will feel like an idiot. Or: I will never try to establish contact with him, because it will still be as always … That is, depreciation reigns again - the person has learned to reject well. As a result, there is nothing left in the world (or rather, in consciousness) that could fill the inner emptiness, and this emptiness is expanding more and more.

C) Something makes it impossible to accumulate energy for action, if the need and the object are clear and definite. That is, the available energy is either blocked halfway, or diffused. Who is unfamiliar with situations when you want to say something very important to another person, but you are desperately afraid, and as a result, over and over again you talk about anything, but not about what is really important? Another way is to use surrogates. Meet not the girls you want, but those who are more accessible. To constantly chew something - then you will not feel hunger at all. Then there is no energy and lightness, but it's safe …

In general, there is no escape from the world, all the answers are there. The meaning of life cannot be discovered in oneself, it is revealed when we are open to the world. For some, a very little of this openness is enough, and it takes a long time to "digest" and assimilate impressions - we call these "introverts". “Extroverts” are those who have a lot of energy, they absorb a lot of it from the outside world, but they are often very indiscriminate, hammering their “I” with other people's voices and lives, which timidly tries to communicate its needs.

There are those who are scared to go out into the world, it is full of dangers and monsters, and then it is better to be hidden in the shell of your inner Universe, in which, however, there is emptiness, silence and apathy. There are those who have forgotten about their “I”, having completely merged with the external environment: they are not afraid, because the “I” that can experience this fear is lost. It becomes scary when life for some moment throws it out of its stream … Therefore, at our service there are a lot of surrogates that do not give an opportunity to feel real hunger: TV and the Internet are like fast food, identical to the natural world.

A life full of energy and interest is the path of a tightrope walker, balancing between attention to the quiet voice of his “I”, speaking of needs, and an open gaze into a huge noisy world, in which you can find something (if you are attentive to the world) that sounds in unison with the inner voice. This is where energy arises - as a recognition reaction: “This is mine!”.