It’s Like There’s A Void Inside. If Communication With Yourself Is Broken

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often a person lives with a feeling of inner emptiness from early childhood, but does not realize this, but only vaguely guesses that he is somehow different from others - more dependent on other people's views, someone else's assessment, someone else's opinion. It is difficult for him to remain alone, because this painful feeling of emptiness immediately arises. Therefore, such people are often very sociable, they can become the soul of the company.

However, here is the paradox: the person himself has to make significant efforts to communicate, since any communication for him inevitably involves the fact that he will be evaluated, and without communication he remains as if in a vacuum - after all, he absolutely cannot emotionally saturate himself, he requires constant external make-up. The same nurturing is required for his self-esteem, since it is very dependent on the assessment of others.

These people are often perfectionists - because if you do everything perfectly, you are more likely to get praise. It is very important for them how they look, how stylish and expensively they are dressed.

The state of inner emptiness is most often formed in early childhood as a result of a lack of love and care of parents (hypo-care) or excessive, excessive care (over-care).

In the first case, the child's needs for love and intimacy are ignored, and in order to survive, the child begins to repress the pain associated with the fact that he is rejected, and together with the pain displaces other emotions and desires. After all, if desires are not fulfilled, and it hurts so much, it is better not to want or feel at all.

In the second case (with overprotection) the parents “want” for the child all the time - a lot and often. They do not hear the true needs of the child and do not consider them. Such a child not only does not form normal boundaries, but also breaks down the connection with himself, his emotions, desires, and often a part of the personality is displaced by parental introjects.

As a result, in both cases, in adulthood, a lack of connection with one's inner Parent is acutely manifested, and basic trust in the world may be lacking (in case of hypothoracic care, the parents broadcast to the child “there is no one to protect you”, and in case of overprotection, “we take care of you so much, because the world is very dangerous ). There is also an inability to recognize other people's emotions, since it is difficult to recognize your own. Because of this, difficulties arise in communication, which is urgently needed due to the need to please and thereby nourish your self-esteem.

It happens that the feeling of inner emptiness first appears in adulthood, if a person experiences unbearable emotions for a long time, and in order to survive, unconsciously blocks his ability to feel.

Thus, the inner emptiness is never completely empty. It is always the result of the crowding out of strong negative emotions (early or adult).

If asked to present emptiness in the form of an image, each person will have her own, special. That is, it always has content. It is possible to work successfully with emptiness in therapy. Even at the initial stage, when it is only possible to determine the causes of its occurrence, to understand what repressed emotions it is filled with, the feeling of emptiness, as a rule, weakens.

And if you no longer try to fill the void from the outside, but dive into the void, explore it, then you will begin to recognize yourself, your personality, letting yourself go from your own despotic control, which is used to suppress and repress, and the way to finally learn hearing your emotions and desires is the path to self-identity.

Author: Gorshkova Maria Alekseevna