2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I used to constantly find myself and now, it happens, I find myself in a situation where I look much more decent, stronger, prettier, more confident, bolder, etc., than the experiences inside. For example, on the inside I seem worthless to myself, unsuccessful, incomprehensible, slow, tired, confused, panicking, but outside they tell me about my productivity, activity, competence, calmness, etc. I open my mouth to tell, complain about my troubles, ask for support, and in response to me: "Yes, okay! You look good as never before. And there you are, how cheerful and active."
I call this state a conflict between the broadcast and the experienced.
Such a conflict arises in childhood. Parents want to see an intelligent, calm, obedient, healthy, attractive daughter to those around her. And as soon as the daughter falls out of the teachable_ calm_ obedient_ healthy_attractive daughter, the parents get upset or angry, they say that they do not like such a child.
What does a daughter do when she is "wrong"
What is the child doing? She tries her best to be an intelligent_ calm_obedient_healthy_attractive girl. To do this, they come under control: misunderstanding, fatigue, fear, discontent, disagreement, emotions, etc. All this is kept under constant attention so that it does not come out. And if even in the family it was not customary to praise the child, to be proud of him and preventive criticism was used to motivate. Then the picture turns out like this: outside the person is trying, reaching the goal, moving forward. Silently and patiently, as usual. And inside - constant thoughts about their own imperfection.
There is no contact either with one's own skill and strength, because he does not see the result. Not with their own inability and weakness, tk. does, in spite of everything, constantly overcoming and forcing himself.
As a result, others see a successful, self-confident person. A beautiful strong facade, from which many things are expected and tried to be supported. And inside the facade - fears, loneliness, doubts and a feeling of complete lack of support. It is as if there are two different people outside and inside, there is a deep abyss between them.
A living person instead of a reinforced concrete structure
A way out of this situation. Begin to notice, first of all, your weaknesses and limitations. That she was not at all a reinforced concrete aunt pushing forward like a tank, but a living, very, very lively woman. From the perception of one's weightlessness, a vision of what has been done and an awareness of the value of this appear.
Notice and say aloud that I am tired, I don’t want to, I don’t like it, I’ll do it a little later, I want something else, etc. Even if the answer flies: “Yes, okay!” … All the same, speak out loud to yourself, your friends, your family, and those around you. Stop.
So that, finally, the broadcast and the experienced coincide.
When you stop, you can notice the volume of what has been done and evaluate it. Connect with your skill and strength. Having stopped, having slowed down, to live out your inability and weakness - to give yourself a rest in this.
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