2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Emotional addiction is also called love addiction, but love is a healthy state when a person is in harmony with a partner and himself. In the case of emotional dependence, the addict depends precisely on destructive experiences, because, from his experience, only they give a feeling of being filled with life.
At the same time, acute emotions can be obtained not only from relationships, but also from gambling and other adrenaline hobbies.
Still, to a greater extent, a person is fixed on another person and real, or imaginary, relations with him, since it is there that his basic need lies.
Therefore, it should be clarified that emotional dependence is one of the varieties of relationship addiction, which includes avoidance addiction and sexual addiction.
Often they are combined in one person, or at least two - for example, a person can be codependent in a relationship with one and avoidant in a relationship with another.
At the same time, it would be incorrect to consider emotional dependence as an isolated pathology, since this condition is of a comorbid nature. For example, emotional addiction can be combined with alcohol, gambling, internet addiction, food addiction, work addiction, etc.
The addict's need for vivid emotional experiences unconsciously prompts him to create situations in which emotional intensity will be present.
It can be a love triangle, involvement in a relationship with a permanent partner of someone third, both with his real presence and imaginary (love at a distance, virtual sex).
Also, the addict can, by his behavior, call on the other for salvation and receive secret pleasure from the fact that they are worried about him, taken care of, pulled out of various troubles, when he suffered in a drunken brawl, lost money, got into debt, etc.
The codependent partner of an avoidance addict eventually realizes that they cannot develop a stable, satisfying relationship with them. something constantly arises between them: mistresses, friends, work …
This layer or intermediate objects, as they were characterized by Ts. P. Korolenko in collaboration with N. V. Dmitrieva, the avoidance addict also needs to keep his distance, because he does not know how to build optimal boundaries when approaching. Since it is difficult for him to say "no", they begin to use him: ask for help, borrow money, etc.
Distance also plays the role of emotional anesthesia, so as not to become attached to a partner, because he can betray or leave, according to the conviction of the person. Therefore, the avoidance addict prefers to leave first, so as not to experience the painful sensation of rejection and abandonment from childhood.
Of course, no one can guarantee us endless and unconditional love. It is necessary to overcome your fears and idyllic expectations with the therapist, to acquire alternative meanings. Alternative meanings - these are not other addictions!
In this regard, the word "homeostasis" is perfect - self-regulation, the ability to maintain the constancy of one's internal state through coordinated reactions aimed at maintaining dynamic balance.
The addictive state, on the other hand, unbalances, leading to persistent maladjustment.
A person devotes a disproportionate amount of time to the object of addiction, thoughts, fantasies about him, experiences unrealistic expectations, forgets about himself outside of an addictive relationship, may become depressed, start drinking alcohol, and persecute another.
The addict is governed by the need to return the brightness of emotions, a state of satisfaction, intimacy, paradoxically.
The object of addiction usually reminds a person of someone from the past, in his fantasies and affection, he reaches out to recreate this relationship, to get what he did not receive in childhood: love, preferably unconditional, acceptance of himself as he is, and how can't afford to be.
To be continued…
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