2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I often hear the phrase "EMOTIONAL DIVORCE" …. well, I seem to understand it with my mind, and even thought that I was living this state. But somehow it did not touch me and I did not flinch from it.
But last week I felt this phrase.
A man came to the consultation. I listened to him and hung up … He kept moving to the topic of his legal rights to communicate with his son. I allowed myself five minutes to follow his lead and discussed the legal aspects of this topic with him. And then she went into the plane of marital relations.
And there, in the confusion of other people's relations, the truth caught up with me.
This married couple has quarreled frequently in recent years. A violent quarrel occurred two years ago. And then the wife decides to send the common teenage son to his grandmother in another city - it seems that the child will be better there. Although none of the spouses abuse alcohol, do not use drugs, there are no noisy quarrels, fights. It seems that outwardly in the family it is quite a peaceful situation. Dad didn't mind then. I ask him why, but he just shrugs his shoulders … … it was evident there was something to anesthetize what was happening, so he did not feel anything then … or maybe there is another reason. Here you need to find out the family history, raise the history of parental families, clarify the scenarios of both spouses. But only the boy's dad is attending the appointment. Apparently it was he who was the first in the family who could not withstand the stress, or it was just he who was ready for changes and came for professional support.
It is that quarrel two years ago that the spouses consider the end of the relationship. But!!!!
The legal divorce happened only six months ago. But even after that, the spouses continue to live together, in the same apartment. The man says to me: "But we practically do not meet and do not interfere with each other."
But it doesn't work that way. This means that the relationship between the spouses is still ongoing. I tell the man that he still "treats" his ex-wife, for some reason he does not leave with her, they have not completed something, have not lived. The relationship is stuck. Quiet and smooth, it seems, everyone is silent, they live in the neighborhood, do not interfere with each other. But everything is not so simple.
This peace and quiet is blown up by the unexpected act of the mother-in-law - for some reason she decides to prevent a man from meeting her son in the summer when he comes on vacation. And here my client gets some interest and some energy - though it is directed towards his mother-in-law - but did she have the right to prevent him from seeing his son ?!
This story will definitely have some kind of ending, by the way)) I hardly recognize it.
But here it is clearly seen that emotionally the spouses have not yet parted, and they still have to find out many points. I suppose there is a lot of unreacted anger, pain, injustice.
And now I understand the wording about an emotional divorce differently - for example, like this))))) …. I will remember my ex easily, in passing … … or I will not be afraid to mention his name in a conversation with friends …. or I will come to "our place" and I will be able to walk there and not cry …. I will "evenly", "warmly" and "with pleasure" remember myself with him. But this takes time. And I don't know how long … … because a legal divorce comes for spouses at one moment … but an emotional one for everyone in its own time. And that cannot be changed.
Once upon a time, a very, very long time ago one "psychologist" said an amazing thing !!! "Respect and respect" to her for that exact, long-suffering phrase: "A woman, after breaking up with her beloved man, cries, suffers, it hurts a lot. So! This pain, this longing not for a man, but for herself … for the one who melted in his hands, which only next to him could die of happiness, feel the most desired and loved, the most unique and protected, who made this man strong and courageous, caring and attentive … dies on rupture "…. I remember these theses, I understand with my mind that such a point of view has the right to exist, but I want to cry, and I don’t want to listen to any explanations (((.
But life must take its toll. And a new woman will be born.
This is freedom. Here is an emotional divorce. Amen!
Recommended:
Games With A Husband Leading To Divorce
Hurray, you are "married"! Why is this word in quotation marks, you ask? I will answer: perhaps this is a legal marriage - officially certified with blue stamps in the passport, with witnesses of the registry office workers and close people, or maybe this is just a long, proven relationship that does not need any confirmation in which you raise children, quietly and calmly happy (as in a legal marriage) and do not want to make excuses to others why this is so.
And The World Cracked In Half. Divorce Trauma And Its Consequences For The Child
Helping children, to minimize the consequences of divorce, is possible only by helping adults to realize their feelings, responsibility and their adult role in relationships with children. Anticipating reactions and comments on the topic "
Divorce. How To Survive A Divorce?
What is divorce? Contrary to everyday ideas of people, divorce is not at all synonymous with the words: "parting", "parted" or "parted". There is a huge semantic gap between the words "parted" and "
Emotional Intelligence And Emotional Competence In Psychotherapy And Self-development
A huge number of articles and books have been written about emotional intelligence and emotional competence - the topic is now quite fashionable. However, in addition to being fashionable, she is also important. In some ways, even key - in the sense that it is very important for working with the human psyche both in psychotherapy and in self-development.
Emotional Agility 3. Emotional Hook
The plot of a book or film lives or dies, depending on whether it can hook the viewer and interest him. Such a hook necessarily presupposes a conflict, and having fallen into this hook, we keep our attention on how and why the conflict is resolved.
