Research. Impulsivity In Anxiety

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Go forward quickly without stopping, going over in your mind the options for action for later, controlling the weather and the exchange rate, pulse, car numbers, increasing your step, you get ahead, feeling this incomprehensible impulse in yourself pushing you forward and slowing down at the same time, so that you have to overcome a lot of resistance on the way forward. Doing several things at the same time, always one step ahead of the development of events, absorbing new information and developing non-stop. Only development, only forward, jerks, swoops, continuously forward, only new impressions, only new breathing and travel techniques, a couple of interesting facts and news. Only everyone, but not you.

Have you read the fairy tale "Red Shoes"?

The tension is relieved as hard as it grows. Narcotic courage, alcoholic bandage and adrenaline tattooing, you are covered all over with marks of your anxiety and your impulsivity, your hands are shaking, your eyes are looking in the middle of nowhere, the speech is very logical (you think so). Anxiety has been with you for a long time, she introduced you to her rhythm of life and endowed you with the privileges of dumping it at any convenient moment, she is not offended, because it is she who relaxes, not you. You just follow her in the hope of giving her your fear, not knowing what she takes from you in return. Maybe your time and your naturalness?

How to relax and not to rush, how not to commit impulsive actions that open the pressure relief valve, how not to succumb to the impulse of masturbation and narcotic oblivion? How??? This is even more disturbing and makes us move even faster, a new hobby and a new project at work, a new job or a new lover, a new way of thinking or a new brand of beer, we need to move forward without stopping.

But why?

That from which I run and from which I fill my mind with new streams, is hidden in me in the depths. My feelings are frozen, I only feel anxiety and fear, I so want to be distracted and away from everything into the world of the quiet rustle of the forest or into a furious tank attack in an online game, I want to escape from the opportunity to stop and feel everything fully, to understand what is in my head has thoughts that scare me with their "badness". I don't know how these thoughts ended up in my head and what I should do with them, I just know that all this is wrong and it scares me very much. And again I succumb to the impulse and only in it I find the opportunity to realize these bad thoughts, to feel bad feelings and to be filled with the ecstasy of experiencing my impunity, greatness and complete irresponsibility for everything I do.

You are worried about your anxiety and the healthy part of you wants to get rid of it, drive it away, exclude it from the list, forget it, destroy it together with the object that causes it. And again the impulse and again you act, again you replay the unconscious fear and overcome it in your powerlessness before drugs, sex and power. Impulsiveness becomes your second home, your comfort zone, and your only refuge from the disturbing gaze from your past. Who are you taking revenge on now and for what, who are you kidding and who are you humiliating, do you understand that this is just a shadow of the image you are angry with? Do you understand that this is solely a matter of your powerlessness in front of yourself, because now, the only thing you are afraid of in life is yourself and your manifestations.

To feel is not scary, to feel is very scary.