2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Instead of a preface …
There are people who know how to read other people's fates along the lines of the hand, the location of birthmarks on the body and the symbolism of special fortune-telling cards. I’m learning to unravel psychological plots from the “runes” of famous fairy tales. It seems to me for a long time and clearly that the brilliant storytellers (in an unintentional way for themselves) told everything about everything. One has only to take a closer look.
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… Dear friends, has it ever occurred to you that the brilliant Andersen (long before the psychologist Karpman) in the famous fairy tale "The Snow Queen" metaphorically set forth the well-known algorithm of dependent relationships, showing it in the presented story in three familiar role positions:
1. The Snow Queen (in other words - Tyrant, Dictator and Controller), 2. Kai (or Victim) and
3. Gerda (or the Rescuer).
At the same time, the designated (internal, positional) roles (as it should be in dependent relationships) can potentially change, flowing into each other …
For example … Unhealed, bewitched Kai in a new relationship with Gerda is a cruel and cold tyrant. And the resigned Snow Queen instantly turns into a victim. And so on in the story …
And yet, the great storyteller did not just show readers a common, familiar pattern of codependent relationships, he (if you think about it) left us a recipe for healing a dead algorithm.
Let's figure it out? Want to?
Let's touch the characters of the famous fairy tale …
The Snow Queen (Controller or Parent in a dependent, "dead" scheme)
The Queen's character (essentially a parental character) is a forceful, decisive person who oppresses a subordinate victim.
In her possession there is no place for free realizations - there is dominated by the master's autocratic power.
Opportunities for third-party development are frozen: after all, the personality, growing up, leaves (from the mother) to freedom, but does the queen need it? Who, then, to command? Over whom to reign?
The algorithms for its ownership, while maintaining the given order of things, are very one-sided.
The kingdom of ice, in its essence of metaphorical meaning, does not contribute to movement, life …
Kai (Victim or Child in a dependent, "dead" scheme)
Kai's character is a childish, addicted character completely subordinate to the figure of the Controller-Parent. Kai is a faceless, amorphous Victim.
Kai's individuality, his unique manifestation (personality) are prohibited, frozen.
Kai is what the Parent Queen is comfortable with. He was determined by what laws to live, what and for what to obey.
Personalities in a dead, frozen kingdom are under a huge ban. In the ice state, only functions, algorithms are allowed. Kai does not feel, does not live. In fact, he is a computer program …
Gerda (Rescuer of the addicted, "dead" scheme)
And here, as they say, – feel the difference: Andersen preaches completely different meanings …
So, despite the fact that this character along the Karpman triangle, like the previous ones, is questioned, in Andersen's tale, this is the only living and animating character.
He seems to be dubious because …
1. That usually no one asks to save him.
2. And what he supposedly saves for himself.
But the Rescuers The Rescuers are different and, if we talk specifically about Gerda (and the love that she shows to the readers), then from the fairy tale we know the following …
1. It is not self-interest that motivates her to rescue, but a real feeling, otherwise she would not have embarked on a long-suffering, heroic path and would not have survived the assigned trials.
2. Saving Kai, Gerda heals the plot. This means that it acts according to the highest purpose.
What exactly animates the dead, icy algorithm?
- Sincere interest in the little heroine.
- Her devoted and pure love.
And, indeed …
1. The influence of the Queen has been stopped.
2. The enchanted Kai comes to life.
3. And everywhere spring is coming …
Instead of a conclusion …
In the current period of time I have in therapy several cases of love addiction of clients who are in relationships with "frozen" narcissists. All cases are completely different, they have only one thing in common: the icy alienation of the once-friendly Kai and the painful path of Gerda suffering in love … (Note: not idle, but tall and heroic.)
Previously (under the influence of the postulates accepted in a progressive, independent society) I would work to weaken my dependence on Kai. (Isn't it a strategy? Real Gerdam does not interfere with growing up internally.)
But now I see a different strategy suggested by a fairy tale: not to weaken, but to transform the initial feeling for Kai into the highest, divine Love and, having grown this feeling inside, heal it, making yourself and your beloved healthier … In any case, Andersen's fairy tale reveals to the readers this possible healing strategy. And of course, it's up to us to decide …
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