2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We are used to the fact that a relationship is closeness with a partner, friend, colleagues, etc. Therefore, the main emphasis in interaction with others we place on close contact.
Oftentimes, when entering into a relationship, people may fear intimacy. In this case, I'm talking about the fear of trusting, opening up, and becoming attached to a person. It is emotional closeness, not physical. Physically, people can be together, but their sensory parts are a little apart. Such circumstances can cause discomfort.
It is important to understand that in a relationship there is not only intimacy, but also distance. And it is not so easy to stand it. It takes time to overcome it. Distance arises both in partnerships and in friendship, communication with relatives.
When we distance ourselves or don't get close enough, it doesn't mean that our partner is bad or did something wrong. We have a need for our own space. Or we need more time to get closer (most often this concerns the beginning of a relationship).
Despite the desire for privacy, this process affects both parties. It is also worth noting that distance is often fearful, as it has nothing to do with the intimacy we were originally aiming for.
Someone who is distant may feel guilt, irritation from it, or from their own inability to explain what is happening to him. Also, irritation can cause "it is necessary", i.e. “I want to separate, but I can't, because I need to be a worthy partner, friend, etc.”. From the category "I want, but I can not." As a result, solitude can be realized through an argument. Having cooled down, having been alone with himself, the person already “returns” with a different mood. He can give sweetness in intimacy. And the quarrel, in this case, acts as an assistant in resolving the situation
The one from whom they move away begins to build different hypotheses of his "why". He feels guilty, neglected, lack of attention. He thinks that he did something wrong, or that he is not interesting, has a difficult character, or is not good enough. There are many reasons for self-flagellation. I think everyone will remember their situations, and what thoughts come into their heads
It happens when one partner is very drawn to the other, the second just needs privacy. Mood sync failed. This is very unpleasant and creates tension, which then builds up like a snowball.
It's important to understand that a relationship isn't just about intimacy. Relationships are also the ability to maintain distance, to collide with the boundaries of another person. Relationship is the ability to endure a distance period and meet again. At the same time, do not move away even more because of your own grievances. Do not make a claim. And take the distance of another person. Think about your distance. If not, why not? What happens to me when I devote my whole life to intimacy with others? Why am I unable to maintain my own distance? What is behind this? What am I afraid of? What do I really want? Well, the main question is, what about relationships for me, what do I receive and implement through them?
Good luck in self-discovery and take care of your relationship.
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