2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Who can build relationships at a distance (people with what type of psyche)? And how do you build them if you decide to take such a step?
So, we are talking directly about a romantic romantic relationship. Of the permanent options - one of the partners is a sailor or a trucker working abroad; temporary - someone from the family is serving time in prison or studying abroad. If this relationship with your partner is temporary, you should understand how to build it anyway.
Who Is Long Distance Relationship Suitable For?
People with avoidant personality types, with counterdependent and patterned behaviors. Such individuals are more likely to be afraid of relationships, it is difficult for them to be in long-term intimacy with a partner, so they choose the middle option for themselves - it seems that there is a relationship, but at a distance. It is quite an acceptable option if both partners have a similar psyche. It will be bad if one of them is counterdependent, and the second is codependent and requires constant merging with a partner - sooner or later such a couple will fall apart (someone will "jump" from the relationship - the codependent will suffer greatly and torment the counterdependent, and he will no longer know where to go from the experienced shame, guilt and other heavy feelings). That is why, entering into a relationship at a distance, you need to understand that most likely both of you are running away from intimacy, and you do not want it, and you are satisfied with such a life.
Relationships at a distance are suitable for two schizoids for whom it is important to know that they have a couple - only from this realization is calm and good, and it is not necessary to do something together.
What is the problem? Often, the counterdependent still builds a relationship with the codependent, and one partner begins to "pull" the other. It may also be that the counterdependent character is intertwined with the codependent - a person wants a relationship at a distance, but having received it, he immediately wants insane intimacy. In this case, there will be complete chaos between the partners, there are constant explosions in the psyche (I get what I want, but at the same time I don’t get it). Here you need to understand your needs, understand where the counterdependent and codependent parts of the character came from (in personal therapy). Accordingly, a relationship at a distance is an option for two counter-dependent people or schizoids (both have enough freedom, space and a lot of time for themselves).
Who else is this relationship suitable for? For those people who do not need a deep level of intimacy. For example, regardless of characterology, a person has decided for himself that he does not want very close relationships, does not want to immerse himself in them with a soul, devotes the main part of his life to work, and refers to relationships "insofar as".
Individuals with a more whole and healthy psyche in the area of attachment trauma (those who did not have painful breaks with their mother, who had a rather emotionally intense relationship with their mother, and they literally "gorged themselves" in childhood) do not need to close their need with the help of partner. Everything was enough, which means that the person will not suffer from parting. Yes, in some zones there will be retraumatization (he / she leaves - it hurts; comes - again you need to get used to intimacy, it will be difficult), accordingly, quarrels or scandals may arise in this place, however, a deep loss of oneself and the meaning of life, the state of “I don’t want live”will not (unlike a person with attachment trauma). Relatively speaking, a person “precipitates” during the absence of a partner, life fades for a couple of weeks, some cannot do anything at all during this period,someone sinks into a state of muted depression. If a long distance relationship and your partner are still important to you, a great solution is long-term therapy in the area of attachment trauma, then your psyche will sooner or later become stable, but it will be difficult to go through periods of retraumatization.
An important point is that if people live separately, but see each other regularly, this cannot be considered a long-distance relationship.
How to build relationships?
- Try to meet with your partner at least once every 2-3 months. Do not be discouraged if you cannot follow this recommendation.
- Track your projections, especially negative ones. Take care of yourself, work with your psyche, go to psychotherapy sessions, sort it out when you attribute a negative from your childhood or your bad mood to your partner. And even if it hurts emotionally, it is important to understand with your head that everything that happens is not because of the partner, and you should not break the relationship.
- Conduct confidential dialogues more often.
-
Working with your attachment trauma - learning not to lose yourself in separation, working with your pain for a long time, if there was an attachment trauma in childhood. The result is worth it - the pain will really be less.
- Prevent burnout. Learn to cope with frustration, resentment of abandonment and rejection. And again - this is what we had to learn in childhood (not always everything will be the way I want; not always mom can sit with me, not always mom can pay attention to me). However, in order to learn how to cope with frustration, you first need to work through the trauma of attachment, because it is deeper and lower - otherwise you will not feel that you were able to close your wound, stick a plaster on it.
- To form sustainable resources for yourself outside of relationships - favorite work, friends and their support, some kind of social circle. You must have a vibrant personal life that will allow you to survive a temporary break with your partner and not fall into a deep depression.
In any case, it's up to you to decide if a long-distance relationship is right for you, if you want to build it. Do not listen to anyone, turn inward. If you are reading this, then something is bothering you, and it is worth working out with it. Typically, the root of the problem is within you, although often people look for it in relationships. It may be that distance is just a symptom, and the underlying difficulty of your relationship with your partner is much deeper.
Recommended:
Pros And Cons Of Telecommuting For Employers And Employees
Currently, the coronavirus pandemic has dramatically changed our lives. Psychologists have gone online very much, and once it seemed absolutely impossible. Tutors work great online. Even some fitness trainers conduct classes remotely. It is still not possible for massage therapists to do massage online, but I am sure they are thinking in this direction.
Who's In Charge Here. How A Strong Woman Can Build A Relationship
I am always amazed at the wording "A strong woman is the one who can do everything herself, successful and secured." Actually, this can be said about any mature person who has ceased to be a child and does not play the role of a victim in a relationship.
Relationship Boundaries: How To Define And Maintain Them? And How Can You Maintain Your Relationship?
In my opinion, each of us should remember that we are not born with instructions for use, we do not walk with it, carved on the forehead, therefore other people tend to cause us inconvenience: to say what we are not ready to hear; call when we are already / still sleeping;
With Whom You Should Not Build A Relationship. Male Psychopaths
When I talk with women about relationships (or read something from other psychologists), there are always those who say that with them and their relationships, the recommendations do not work. At first I thought that they just needed a special approach, but over time I realized that it was not about me and not about the approach.
GOLDEN CELL IN RELATIONSHIP. PROS AND CONS
The golden cage in a relationship. If your love is alive, you have decent prosperity, and, meanwhile, your partner in a love relationship is frankly "sour" and more and more often looks "to the left", you can try to use the method of overcoming the crisis, which is aptly called by the people "
