2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is difficult to overestimate the relationship with the father for a little girl, they are very important and have a significant, I would say, decisive influence on the formation of femininity. In relations with her father or close men (grandfathers, uncles), the girl develops an idea of herself as a woman, of her femininity, of her female behavior
After all, dad, father (or the man who actually replaces him) is the first man in the life of a little girl. Based on his image and relationship with him, we form a certain idea about men in general and about how and what kind of relationship with them to build in the future.
If the father respects and loves the girl, is not a “punishing authority”, but a really close, dear, caring person who understands and supports, if he treats his wife the same way and broadcasts this to the children, then the process of femininity development proceeds naturally, for a girl understanding of their feminine essence is growing, an adequate model of behavior is being formed, including between a man and a woman.
But if, for example, the father constantly says that he would like to have a son instead of his daughter and pushes her away, if the father constantly humiliates and makes fun of his daughter, insults her, if he treats the girl's mother badly, if his behavior makes the girl ashamed that he is her father, then there are some "imbalances" in development. She unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) can accept a "male" model of behavior and broadcast it outside, probably in the same way that she will rebel and rush to various extremes or assume the guise of an "unworthy and worthless creature." And her relationship with people in general and with men in particular in the future will not be easy. There are a great many different such options - after all, every relationship between a father and a daughter is unique in its own way.
But, really, if the relationship with the father was difficult and we have an already formed and well-established pattern of behavior and attitude towards ourselves and others, which does not make it easier, but complicates a woman's life, is she doomed to endure it and cannot change anything? Nothing like this!
Changes even in things that have long been established and familiar to the psyche are possible at 20, 40 and 60 years. And this path is through awareness. Through the realization and acceptance of the fact that "we all come from childhood." Which, yes, my dad was not perfect (or not what I would have liked). That there is something wrong with my sense of myself as a woman, that my femininity is hurt. That I don't live the way I would like.
Often, such a confession to oneself is very emotionally loaded, it can cause anger, and rage, and anger, and tears, and resentment. This is wonderful, because our suppressed feelings do not go anywhere, they accumulate inside us and it takes a lot of energy to keep them inside, and by allowing ourselves to express all this, we, figuratively speaking, empty this vessel, making room for joy and happiness. …
It is important to remember that, despite everything that happened to me in the past, I am able to manage my life, it is for me to choose what kind of person I should be and what kind of relationship to build with the world around me. It is not easy, but the psyche is very flexible and capable of changes at any age.
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