The Father's Shadow: The Influence Of The Father On The Fate Of The Child

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Much has been written about the influence of the mother on the fate of the child. Less commonly, the role of the father is spoken of. True, recently psychologists have been actively investigating the connection between father and child, the influence of a parent on the fate of his offspring. We have already proved the relationship between the emotional state of the father and the child, the influence of the father's behavior on the embryonic period of fetal development …

Previously, it was believed that the main role belongs to the mother - after all, it is she who bears the child, feeds and brings up. Freud wrote a lot about his father, emphasizing the image of a powerful tsar, a sovereign, who shadows the fate of children.

Indeed, sometimes fathers have an ominous effect on their offspring, leading their offspring to torment and death:

The Greek myth tells of the god Kronos, who had an unpleasant habit of devouring his newborn children - he was afraid for power. Only Zeus managed to save his mother Gaia - the smart mother gave the bloodthirsty Kronos a stone wrapped in swaddling clothes instead of a baby. All myths reflect the realities of human destiny, they are all archetypal - Jung believed so. Horror stories can be read in the biographies of great and famous people.

The artist Karl Bryullov, author of The Death of Pompeii, was a very sickly and skinny child as a child. To strengthen his frail health, the doctors advised to plant the boy on a pile of sun-warmed sand in the garden; in this heap the future great artist spent whole days. Once, for some unknown reason, the angry father ran up to the boy and gave him such a slap in the face that Bryullov remained deaf in one ear for the rest of his life. Often he recalled this story with bitterness, especially amazed at the fact that his father's act did not seem to have any reason, but was the result of ordinary everyday irritation. Bryullov's personal life was unhappy, he suffered, according to researchers, alcohol addiction and died relatively early, despite the success of his talented works …

Oscar Wilde, playwright and writer, became rich thanks to his creative talent. His plays did not leave the stage of theaters, poems and novels were translated into all European languages.

He was handsome, well-educated, had a family: a wife and two sons. And suddenly - a ridiculous story associated with homosexual adventures, trial and prison … Wilde seemed to deliberately perform such actions that could not but lead to the darkest development of the plot, to shame and imprisonment, from where he left a broken old man and died in poverty and loneliness.

I have already written about the strange suicidal behavior of people who are under the influence of the death program - they commit acts that cannot sooner or later lead to a tragic outcome, they themselves subconsciously strive for death and pain.

"First - psychological death, then - social, then - biological" - this is the law of psychology

And as a child, Oscar Wilde's dad called him a cute nickname "nasing", that is, "nothing." In general, it was not even a nickname, but the real name - in another way, dad simply did not address his son … Everything: career, health, good name, money - everything was sacrificed to dad-Kronos, all together with Oscar himself, turned into nothing. As dad ordered, in fact.

Another English writer, Rudyard Kipling, the author of the beloved Mowgli, was very patriotic and belligerent. He wrote poetry, encouraging soldiers to die in battle for the "white man's burden", that is, for the British colonies, personally ran in front of the military, shouting his inspiring verses, extolling the courage and ruthlessness of the "superman" - the British soldier. And when the war began, the first thing he did was send his own son to death.

They did not want to take this ill-fated young man into the army, he was so short-sighted, he could not see anything without glasses. In addition, Kipling's son limped and suffered from tuberculosis. Is it any wonder that, taken into the army at the request of his father, Kipling Jr. died in one of the first battles. Which, by the way, made his brutal father very happy. Since then, Kipling has done nothing but boast about the heroic death of his son, happily write to the newspapers, speak to the public without expressing any signs of grief, and urge other fathers to follow their example.

Another romantic poet who glorified conquistadors and brave travelers, a lion hunter and a participant in a political conspiracy, Nikolai Gumilyov also treated children rather strangely: according to the memoirs of Irina Odoevtseva, in 1919, in the midst of devastation, hunger and civil war, he visited an orphanage and asked if the children were well kept there.

- As much as possible in these difficult times … - answered the head of the orphanage.

“Well, then I’ll bring my three-year-old daughter to you one of these days,” the poet said. - And then my wife and I are somehow tired, you yourself understand how much attention children need … And you still need to feed!

The poet himself, by the way, ate in underground restaurants, ordering, as a rule, borscht, chop, and then often demanding to repeat … He called it "Arrange a Gargantuel meal." To the poetess Odoevtseva accompanying him, he always generously ordered a glass of tea …

The poet hated Soviet power, he even tried to arrange a conspiracy, for which he was shot, but he completely calmly gave his child to an orphanage, by this very power and organized - for orphans, homeless children. It seems incredible such an attitude towards their own children, but in fact, the destructive and disastrous influence of fathers and even their murder of their own children was not so rare in the world. Animal psychologist Konrad Lorenz describes the aggression of males towards their offspring. Often, a female has to protect her puppies or hippos from an evil and bloodthirsty dad with a threat to her own life. And in the human world, some fathers are ready to literally devour their children, and if they fail, destroy them in another way.

In the Roman Empire, the father had complete control over his children. If he wanted, he could sell them into slavery or kill them - and not incur any legal responsibility for this. Except that the neighbors look askance, and that's the end of it. The same word was used for the name of servants, slaves and children, it meant all of them. So the unfortunate children had to rely only on the conscience and love of their parent, the state was not going to intercede for them.

In our Russian history, the conflict between fathers and children was also darker than Turgenev described in his socio-psychological novel. Ivan the Terrible simply killed his son - then, however, he worried, held the bloody wound with his hand and goggled, as we know from the painting by Ilya Repin.

However, this did not bring the son back to life.

And the great reformer Tsar Peter the First also executed his son on suspicion of participating in a conspiracy to overthrow his crowned father. And with pleasure he was present at the torture of his own son - after all, it was necessary for the conspirator to name his accomplices! There are a lot of such historical examples.

The fact is that some fathers subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) hate their children and wish them death. Over the centuries, it has become unsafe to kill your children, the laws have changed, so the evil aggressor finds new ways and forms of destroying his offspring. "You are a weakling, you little son, nothing good will come of you!" - this is a typical example of fatherly aggression and hatred. "Why are you all licking with him, let him get used to solving his problems himself!"

By the way, daddy also flogged Hitler for educational purposes. So he flogged that little Adolf lay unconscious for several hours. The history of mankind has answered what these methods of upbringing have led to.

Under the guise of playing sports and instilling courage, the father mocks a helpless and defenseless child, insults him, instills a program of a terrible future, and in essence, a speedy death. So, one courageous and brutal dad taught his son to skate. He showered him with insults, humiliating nicknames, and in the end he hit his son in the head with a skate. By the way, an expensive hockey skate, he bought it for the child, he didn’t feel sorry for anything for his son …

Remember, the aggressor always finds a socially acceptable, plausible explanation for his sadism: "I wish him well!" Even such a person does not admit to himself that he is guided by jealousy, envy, hatred, the desire for death.

Already during - not even pregnancy - conception, the father contributes to the formation of the child's fate - this has already been proven by psychologists

And the people knew this from time immemorial. The father of the unborn baby was charged with so many psychological rules of behavior that you cannot list everything. During childbirth, the future father had to take off almost all his clothes, untie the ribbons, unlock the gates and doors, sometimes screaming and screaming along with the woman in labor. Sometimes midwives who were involved in childbirth would put the future dad next to the giving birth wife, so the practice of joint childbirth has a long history. Some fathers themselves experienced severe torment, abdominal pains and attempts, as described by researchers of Russian traditional medicine. This fact has now been fully confirmed!

And most importantly, the father had to wish, want the child to be born, how to wait and welcome him in our earthly world. And now everyone probably already knows that the unwillingness of the future father to have a child, his advice on what would be better, they say, to get rid of unnecessary documents - have a detrimental effect on the health and fate of the offspring.

Sometimes the father loves the child and does not offend him, however, he involuntarily passes on to him the very tragic life program that dominates him.… The early death of the father, and even the sight of that death, can be passed on to posterity; researchers of suicide, using long-term observation of the life of several generations of the family, have proved that the chances of committing suicide are much higher among the descendants of those who did it. Regardless of how these people felt about the parent's act.

Hemingway shouted at the "weak father" who shot himself with a gun. He himself was a successful and courageous man, fought, hunted, fished, wrote talented works, earned a lot of money, and then took and committed suicide. In exactly the same way as his father.

From practice, I recall the case of a four-year-old boy who, at the slightest conflict with his mother, fled to the kitchen and tried to grab a knife or fork, plunge into his chest. He was observed by psychiatrists, psychologists and teachers talked to him, and the thing turned out to be this: the real, biological father of the child, whose existence the boy did not know, committed suicide. And in a wild way - he was at the relatives' barbecue, got drunk, got offended for something, fell into hysterics and stuck his heart with a skewer! The boy's future mother was married to another person, kept the pregnancy and gave birth to a suicide son, naturally, keeping the whole history in the strictest confidence. The child psychogenetically received such a bloody program, a way of responding to conflicts. This is the ancestral curse, as it was called by the people.

A negative impact on fate can also be associated with resentment against the father, for his refusal to fully fulfill his functions of protector and breadwinner.

Korney Chukovsky, the author of the unforgettable "Doctor Aibolit", was illegitimate, which in ancient times imposed a stamp of shame on a person's entire life. His father did not marry his mother, either a simple washerwoman or a cook, and little Kolya was not supposed to have a surname. The most painful thing in his youth was for him to introduce himself as a new acquaintance: “Call me just Kolya” … Subsequently, he made a pseudonym from his illegal surname, which reconciled him with life, gave him the opportunity to create and achieve success; from Kornechukovsky he became Kornei Chukovsky. Also a kind of psychological defense in case of disappointment in the father …

The famous lawyer Plevako acted in a similar way - the illegitimate son of a certain Plevak changed his parent's surname to a strange, middle-class "Plevako" - and became rich and famous. However, Chukovsky all his life suffered from depression and excruciating insomnia, and Plevako, with all the external success in his soul, was not too happy …

Of course, it's good to love and respect your parents. It's bad to hate and despise them. I just remember a story told in one of the books by psychologist Christina Grof: at some psychological forum, a Catholic priest began to convince her of the need to forgive her parent, to love him, to renew relations with him … And then the woman replied: “Unfortunately, I am not I can do this. "" But why? After all, this is how religion teaches us, we must love and forgive! "And then Christina replied:" I am a victim of incest. My father raped me as a child."

Before forcing yourself into love and forgiveness, you need to deal with your own life, understand your negative agendas, and acknowledge the role your parents played. Unfortunately, the role of a father is not always positive, but we can cope, especially if we do it with someone we trust