HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (tips Are Also Suitable For Adults)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (tips are also suitable for adults)

Emotional intelligence is the ability of a person to recognize the emotions and feelings of other people, their own, as well as the ability to manage their emotions and the emotions of other people in order to solve practical problems.

If your child understands his feelings and emotions, if he learns to manage them (and not vice versa), and besides, if he understands the feelings and emotions of other people, then it will be very easy for him to interact with other people, he will be able to in the future to manage the events of his life, he will have much more opportunities to realize his plans and dreams.

Emotional intelligence is very important for a happy, conscious and fulfilling life for any person, young and old. It is also very important for the ability to build reliable and stable, harmonious relationships with other people.

How do you teach your child about emotional intelligence?

Regulate your own emotions. Be a good example.

When a child is at the mercy of feelings and emotions, even the most reasonable parents often begin to lose their temper, instead of helping the child to better understand what is happening to him now. Please remember: when a child is overwhelmed by strong emotions, he needs your support and help, so that he learns to better understand himself and manage his states. They need to feel a strong, calm, confident parent next to them.

Children won't always do what you tell them to do. But they will always do what you do yourself. Children learn to manage their emotions with us adults. When we remain calm in difficult emotional situations with a child, he receives a singal from us, that nothing terrible is happening, everything is under control. At this moment, you can imagine yourself as a large deep earthen vessel, which is now capable of accommodating any childish emotions.

Our calmness during a child's emotional storm teaches children how to manage their feelings and calm themselves.

Many of us deal with our feelings and emotions quite well when it comes to different situations outside the home (public places, work, relationships with friends). But as soon as it comes to the child, then we very quickly lose our temper and lose control over our emotions: we shout, swear, accuse, slam doors, threaten, sometimes use physical force … It is important to understand that all this is not good the child does not teach. On the contrary, we are setting a bad example for him in this way.

It is very important to remain calm and balanced in your relationship with your child because you are constantly showing your child an example of what can and cannot be done in a relationship with another person.

Blaming, shouting, threatening, and punishing will not get you the results you want. It may be easier for you because you are letting off steam, but the child in such a situation will not learn anything. He needs clear (and for small children - multiple) explanations and rules, clear boundaries of what is permissible, which are supported by all adults living with the child, consistent behavior on your part, calmness, respect and empathy (empathy).

"My honey. I know it's hard for you to finish this game now, but you can play it tomorrow. Now you need to say goodbye to toys, like "Goodbye toys, see you tomorrow." I understand that you are upset and that you want more, but now is the time to go to bed. We need to have some time left to read, right? What are we going to read with you today? Let's go and choose."

“Son, you know that we have a rule at home: Don't jump on the couch. Jumping breaks the sofa. If it breaks, we have to throw it out, and we love it very much. I see that you really want to jump. Let's put the couch pillows on the floor and you can jump on them. Let's do it together, help me. Don't jump on the couch, please. You can put the cushions on the floor yourself next time."

Allow your child to show any emotion. Limit only his unwanted actions.

Of course, it is necessary to restrict the child in certain actions that can harm him, the people around him or some things. For example, a child cannot cross the road without holding your hand, throw food on the floor, push a sister, play with glass or sharp objects, etc. In any situation in which your child's behavior is unacceptable, formulate a rule, give an explanation, set a restriction, offer an alternative, if possible.

Limit your child's actions, but at the same time allow him to show his feelings and emotions in connection with the ban imposed (disappointment, annoyance, resentment, anger, discontent).

Children need to show us how they feel and it is important for them that we see and hear it. Instead of sending the child “to your room to calm down” (thus leaving the child alone with these strong and frightening emotions), hug him, stay close, show that you understand him, tell him in a soft and confident voice: “I understand that you are now very angry and upset, this is normal, I understand you. Everything will be fine, you will see, you can handle it."

When the hurricane of emotions passes and the child calms down, he will feel a deeper emotional contact with you, because you supported him and helped him through this inner tornado at a difficult moment.

Your job is to help him calm down. But when the child has already calmed down with your help, then the time comes to explain to him that, for example, it is not necessary to say rude words, because it is very offensive. Instead, you can say "I am terribly angry with you" and, for example, stomp your feet (I teach in detail about how to help a child cope with anger in the course "Children's aggression and rudeness. Helping a child to cope")

Explain the rules and teach him for the future after he calms down, and not during his emotional storm.

With your help, he will learn to cope with his strong feelings faster and will not feel rejected and alone. Accepting the feelings of the child and supporting him in difficult times is the first step towards ensuring that he learns to manage his feelings on his own.

Try to understand what feelings and needs are causing the child's unwanted behavior.

All children want a warm and good relationship with their parents. Without exception. They want to be good in our eyes and feel our approval. What we call "bad behavior" occurs because of strong feelings and emotions that the child is unable to cope with, and also because some of the child's important needs are not being met.

If you do not pay attention to what is really behind the undesirable behavior of the child, then his behavior can become simply unbearable over time.

Example 1:

The child "behaves badly" - is capricious in the morning in front of the kindergarten.

The real reason for this behavior is that the child does not want to part with his mother.

Instead of scolding your child for being whimsical, threatening or raising your voice, show that you understand the real reason for his behavior:

“I understand that you don't want to part with your mom this morning. There are many good things in the kindergarten, but you still miss me. Let me pick you up early today from kindergarten, and hug you like this … and then I'll tickle you like this … and then I'll kiss you like this … And then we'll come home and play something together. Deal?"

Example 2:

The child "behaves badly" - is stubborn, does not want to listen to your explanations, wants to do everything himself, although so far he is not very successful.

The real reason for this behavior is the desire to feel your worth and importance.

Instead of instilling in your child that “nothing will work out anyway” without your help and scolding him for wanting to do everything himself, say:

“I understand that you want to do all this yourself. Amazing. It's very good that you want to try to do everything yourself. If you need my help, just call me, I will be happy to help you."

Examples 3:

The child is "behaving badly" in the morning, not in the mood, crying and being capricious.

The real reason for this behavior is that I went to bed very late in the evening, did not get enough sleep.

Instead of scolding your child for “whining early in the morning,” say:

“You are in such a mood, my good one, because you went to bed late yesterday and did not sleep well today. I think we should try to go to bed earlier in the evenings. In the meantime, let's just lie around with you and I'll read you an interesting book."