Emotional Intelligence And School

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

What parent doesn't want an A-student?

We instill in children: to be a good person, you need to study well, i.e. get high marks by visiting an institution that is listed in the register of the modern educational system. The better the report card, the more powerful our pride. All the more reasons to share my achievement with friends: my child is an excellent student.

But here's the catch: the family and the school send different signals to children. Parents, provided that the family has a healthy relationship and are concerned about the well-being of the child, do their best to maintain his curiosity. We rely on the school in the hope that the assessments will be objective - but we overlook the human factor.

Turning to my own school memories, I am sure that each of us will be able to recall in our memory at least a couple of cases of devaluation of excellent students. First of all, excellent students are devalued by their peers: "six", "rag" and the classic indulgent: "There are smart people" in school ", and there are" in life. " “All of the aforementioned lines are stories that the mind tells to each individual in order to maintain his image as a beautiful, intelligent, fair person.

A student who strives for knowledge and at the same time more or less fits into the school's policy receives this double signal:

On the one side, the family lets him know that good grades will make him happy, on the other hand, the student understands that his desire for knowledge causes ridicule in the social group to which he now directly belongs.

Unsurprisingly, the opinions of classmates pierce the armor of steadfastness, even in those children who are characterized by self-confidence and temperament. The need to be accepted and approved makes the excellent student doubt the correctness of the parental statements.

Personal example. My parents are intellectuals. In our family, imagery, artistic speech was welcomed. I grew up in a house with books and by the age of five I could read well and "wrap it up floridly". Naturally, in elementary school, an intuitive understanding of the logic of language provided me with good grades.

However, as soon as I grew up, I immediately felt the stinging bombardment of classmates. As soon as I express my thought using characteristic speech constructions, the class rushed to mimic me openly. Over time, my usual expressiveness of speech came to naught, and I still remember how I artificially imposed slang on myself and tried to get a bad grade in geography in order to be accepted by the class on conditions that were dictated by the actual atmosphere of the school, not the atmosphere imagined by the parents.

With classmates sorted out. How about signals that are sent to excellent teachers?

The excellent students find support in teachers. At least that's how it was intended. But is this always the case? Does it happen that the teacher's behavior intensifies the bullying?

The teacher is a person. Due to the lack of emphasis on psychological education of the teacher and the supportive financial and emotional motivation, many teachers unknowingly send the signal to the excellent student: “Do you think you are the smartest? “The need for self-affirmation on the part of the teacher forces the excellent student to keep his opinion to himself and try to guess which point of view needs to be voiced. Thus, the struggle for grades turns into a game of “Guess what the teacher wants to hear”. A classic example is an essay on the topic “What the author wanted to say”, which initially implies a one-sided consideration of the issue, which is an interpretation of the writer's worldview that is pleasing to modern times.

For the assessment to be objective, it is necessary to define clear criteria. What is important for us to evaluate at this stage? Grammar and punctuation? Using metaphors?

The development of rationality in a person begins only when the teacher realizes that any opinion deserves a place to be, since it is dictated by the student's personal experience, and is in no way subject to evaluation

So is it worth encouraging the child to chase grades within the system, the criteria of which are blurred, the system ignores the psychological health of a person, and the emotional and psychological report card of most excellent students looks like this:

Emotion suppression - 5.

Insincerity - 5.

Sincerity of self-expression - 2.

The ability to express your own opinion - 2.

Taming critical thinking - 5.

It is hoped that over time, the educational system in the CIS will begin to take emotional literacy into account. This will not happen until humanity learns to recognize the primacy of emotional well-being and understand how to provide our children with a healthy and strong psyche!

Nevertheless, it is possible and first of all necessary to support the development of emotional intelligence in a student, regardless of grades, at home. Here's how you can try:

1. Release the pressure at home. Stop putting good grades first. The child should feel that he is loved not for something, but simply because he is. This awareness ensures that in the future a person will be able to build healthy relationships with other people based on mutual respect and mutual trust.
2. All emotions are needed, all emotions are important. Create an atmosphere in the family where all emotions are recognized as existing and necessary. Any emotion is natural. Emotions need to be talked about. Why are children afraid to express their emotions? Because through upbringing, a certain standard is formed in them (and in all of us): such and such emotions can be felt, and the parent condemns such and such emotions. It is clear that we will try to hide the emotions that the parent condemns, thereby denying an important part of ourselves.
3. If you are a teacher, realize that your impact on a child's emotional health is limitless. Begin to incorporate emotional debriefing and role-playing activities to reinforce each child's self-confidence, welcome different points of view, and develop critical thinking. Try to work through the Socratic dialogue and "Prove to me that" with the students. Play the Imaginarium so that the children can see how different the perception of reality is for each of us! It is especially easy to include such exercises in foreign language lessons, biology, geography (culture lessons), history and other humanities. Use ingenuity and creativity to make every student heard!
4. If you are a parent, inspire your child to learn by example, by showing your own curiosity. Smart parents have smart kids.
5. Equip the house with anything that arouses or is capable of arousing interest in the child. Contrary to the widespread belief that, they say, adults know better what a child needs, accept that the child himself always knows what is interesting to him! Do not rush to impose on the child what is interesting to you! At the same time, it is important to equip life so that the growing man has the opportunity to try different activities. Only in this way will he be able to determine what he gravitates towards, and what causes him boredom. Awareness of our strengths leads to the fact that it is easier for us to choose a path in life - isn't that what torments most of us, who grew up in a more or less “classical” atmosphere?
6. Raise and support a psychologist in your child! Discuss the dynamics of the classroom. Analyze the behavior of other children and teachers together. Consider why a teacher or classmate acted in a certain way. Important: Make sure that you are not inciting your child to judge other children or turning him against them by playing the counselor. Help your child respect each point of view. If you notice that there is hostility and arrogance in the child's behavior, this is an occasion to discuss this together in an open, positive manner.

The education system, like any system, is a group of people who behave in a certain way. By changing the behavioral patterns, motivations and aspirations of each individual, we can change the destructive aspects of the system. I won't be original if I challenge you to start with yourself. We all have room to grow and to strive for. The secret is to hear yourself and admit your awesomeness - and the storm clouds will dissipate!

Lilia Cardenas, integral psychologist, teacher, psychotherapist