2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Dependence on the opinions of others, guilt and shame, fear of standing out, success, money, the desire to re-educate a man, your child or always control others, life, fate - does not arise out of nowhere. Often this was preceded by family events that happened long before you were born. But they appear already through the symptoms described above.
In some generation, an injury happened and the ancestors could not cope with it - someone suddenly died or hanged himself or died before the wedding, or drowned or burned down or lost everything, there may be a dozen more of these “ors”. They simply did not cope with difficult experiences, stuck in them, pushed them out, ignored them, froze their souls so that they would never feel anything - and now the pain echoes to you. And you carry it and live something that does not apply to you personally - you live the traumatic experience of your ancestors, through emotional codependency.
Wake up from your mental sleep! Be aware of your life!
1. You are seized with unreasonable sadness, sadness, melancholy that rolls over by itself.
2. You are annoyed by your parents or you have a lot of complaints about them, or you judge your parents. And this stream does not dry out.
3. You have no feelings for your child, spouse, or parents. They are indifferent to you, like strangers. And you have to hide it from everyone.
4. You are seized in any situations in the family or society by a feeling of rage, anger, hatred, you want to destroy everything and shout.
5. You are a fighter for justice, often defend your point of view to the end.
6. You still have complaints about your ex-partner. You cannot understand why he did this to you. It is difficult for you to let go of the situation and live in the present.
7. You feel lonely, unnecessary. You are looking for someone for a relationship, to feel loved, to be cured of boredom, to fill your life with meaning and love through relationships, to close your emptiness.
8. You lack support, confidence and support in life. You are always looking for her in other people.
9. You live in the past, every day you think about what happened.
10. You want to get married (get married) but relationships with the opposite sex do not add up.
How many points did you match? How many of these points do you already realize in your life?
The impact of war on the formation of emotional codependency
Recently I listened to the historical report of Candidate of Historical Sciences Victoria Sak about the gang rapes of Soviet women (about 70 thousand) by the Nazis on only one front - the Eastern!
After the report, I came to my senses, before my eyes stood my great-aunt, at the age of 16, passed through the hands of the Nazis, went crazy with pain and horror and hanged herself a week later.
And there were about 70 thousand such women on the Eastern Front alone !!! All their lives they were silent, carried and hid this wound within themselves, watched over their children so that the hair did not fall from their heads, laid straws where necessary and not necessary, listened to their breathing. Now these moms are called overcontrolling and overprotective. They, unknowingly, continue to carry this wound within themselves, becoming codependent, anxious, afraid of life and transmitting this model of behavior to their children.
Then I read the comments under the report, how many men wrote! How hard it is for them to listen to this, how they should tune in, how much grief Soviet women endured, and the rapists of the scum were never punished (rape - the Nazis did not consider it a crime), why this topic is still hushed up, etc.
What a great mission historians fulfill (do not confuse with historians with low social responsibility), they break taboos, openly talk about what they have been silent about for generations, make it visible!
Everything that has not been lived and mourned over and over again comes back in a circle, until someone lives and lets go, that is, takes strength and new value from this pain into his life.
Have you had such difficult stories in your family?
Is your mom hyper-controlling, perhaps over-protective? And you yourself?
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