2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Antonina Oksanych, child and family psychologist, gestalt therapist
When faced with childhood fears, parents are confused about how best to help their child cope with them. Where do children's fears come from and how fairy tale therapy helps kids - let's discuss.
People cannot live without fear. Fear is an important, vital emotion, the main task of which is to protect from danger, to awaken caution and attentiveness in a person.
Since for a child our world is large and largely unknown, children often meet with a natural fear of the unknown. They may be afraid of everyday things: a noisy hairdryer, a whistling kettle, a closed elevator or heights; natural phenomena such as thunderclaps, wind whistle, darkness. Shy kids can be frightened by a large or new company, performances in front of spectators, new places.
Many childhood fears are age related and temporary. For example, it is scary for one-year-olds to let their mother go; next to her, he feels completely safe. During this period, it is important that the child's confidence is formed that the mother always returns. Play hide and seek with your baby more often, hug tightly and jokingly say: "I will not let you go!"
Increase the separation time gradually by leaving the child with other loved ones. Before leaving, give your baby your personal item, for him it will be a thread that connects you. Also read fairy tales to the children, where the hero is separated from his mother, and then meets her again. I can recommend Sarah Nash's book "The Tenderest Hugs in the World" (published by Mikko).
If you want to prepare your child for attending kindergarten, it is also better to gradually introduce him to the children's team and read thematic books. For example, "Bunny goes to kindergarten" by Olga Gromova (publishing house "Karapuz"), it is intended for children 2-4 years old.
At 3-5 years old, a child may have nightmares, fear of the dark, animals, insects, and fairy-tale characters.
Parents should not ridicule these fears, it is better to introduce them to the child. For example, go into a dark room together and take a closer look, listen to it, shine a flashlight, which children already love to do at this age. Fairytale therapy is also very effective here.
For fear of the dark, I recommend the following books:
"Who lives in the dark" (from "Onyx") is a collection of poems about evening, night, darkness, which describe the beauty of a night forest, a quiet house and a starry sky: "The breeze curled up and fell asleep, the animals and birds calmed down. Dark forest. swayed and sighed, and closed his deep eyelashes. Somewhere a sleepy river is heard, but it does not disturb peace. Silence wanders through the forest and cannot find a road "(Vladimir Orlov). The book is suitable for children from birth to 6 years old.
"Why Aren't You Sleeping" by Irish writer Waddell Martin, who has received numerous literary awards, in particular for this book. A kind tale about the fear of the dark for the smallest listeners. The book was translated into Russian by Polyandriya publishing house (for children 1-4 years old).
"Tosya-Bosya and Darkness" by the famous Lithuanian artist and writer Lina Zhutaute (publishing house Сlever). The heroine is a brave girl, but as soon as night falls, a terrible Darkness comes and scares the baby. One day Tosya-Bosya decides that it is enough to be afraid and goes in search of the Darkness in order to get rid of it (for children 3-6 years old).
With the fear of animals and insects, the child should be better acquainted with nature, tell how animals differ, which of them are dangerous, and which are not. You can get to know some animals better, examine them, take them in your arms, if the child is ready. Teach to defend against dangerous animals: do not come close, do not tease, use masks. Information dispels fears, and not just in children.
In addition, you can read funny books, such as:
"The Yak Love the Pavuchka" by the German actress and writer Diana Amft (view "Meister-class"). The book is also in Russian translation. The little spider decided to figure out the exciting question of why people are so afraid of him. To do this, he went to relatives and friends to hear the opinion of each of them (for children 3-6).
"Murakhi" by the Spanish writer Alejandro Algar (view "Bogdan"). The author introduces children to the life of insects in the form of a kind fairy tale, where ants tell the reader about their interesting everyday life, while revealing their little secrets. (3-6)
When a child is afraid of monsters.
Sometimes the answer lies on the surface. Pay attention, perhaps, one of your relatives intimidates the child with a monster: "If you don't do this, a terrible Babai will come to you!" You shouldn't deliberately intimidate your baby, look for other ways to negotiate with him.
If the child is afraid of monsters, play with him in the theater, let the kid play the role of a monster and scare the parents for his own pleasure, and then change. Play a scary monster who wants to catch up and just hug the baby tightly. Grimace, make faces, have fun with your child.
If you notice that the fear of monsters is lingering and panic in nature and the baby is tormented by nightmares, then you should contact a child psychologist. This may be due to a stressful situation, a tense family environment, or repressed child aggression. When a child is forbidden to get angry, to defend his boundaries, to say “I don’t like”, “I don’t want to”, “stop”, he is deprived of the opportunity to defend his “I” - this develops anxiety and self-doubt. After all, aggression, first of all, is needed for protection, and the prohibition of aggression deprives the child of such an instrument. Game and fairy tale therapy in this case have an excellent effect. I can recommend the following books:
"Where Monsters Live" by American writer and illustrator Maurice Sendak (Pink Giraffe Publishing House). In 1964, a year after its publication, this book won the USA Prize for Best Illustrated Book for Children. Since its publication, it has sold 19 million copies, translated into 13 languages, opera has been staged and a feature film has been shot.
This is an unusual book with an unusual idea and great illustrations. The boy became the king of terrible monsters "fear images" and had fun with them until "the fearless and brave king became lonely …" (3-6 years)
The famous book "Gruffalo" by the English writer Julia Donaldson (publishing house "Machines of Creation"). This book gained immense popularity in the UK and has been translated into several dozen languages, becoming one of the best-selling books in history.
The story about a little mouse that walks through a dense forest and, in order to escape from a fox, an owl and a snake, invents the terrible beast Gruffalo (for children 2-6 years old).
"How to Deal with Monsters" by French writer Catherine LeBlanc (Polyandria Publishing House). This is a very funny encyclopedia book, in which monsters are depicted so funny that there is simply no place for fear: "Huge monsters only seem scary, but in fact they are the easiest to deal with. Huge monsters cannot run fast, so it is easy to get away from them. ". The humor is also demonstrated in the magnificent illustrations by Roland Garig. (2-6 years old).
Here are two more funny books "What do wolves do when they don't scare children? And" What do witches do before they scare children "by French authors Lamour-Crochet Celine and Domas Olivier (from Phoenix).
For a little wolf cub to become a real Bad Wolf, you need to work hard: diligently studying at the School for Bad Wolves, playing sports and going for a manicure. And for young witches, life is even more difficult;) (3-6 years).
"The Fifth Sheep" by German writer Grundman Harriet (CompassGuide Publishing House). This book is included in the list of outstanding works of the world, compiled annually by the International Children's Library Munich.
The book is unusual, with its own flavor. This is a story about how a girl counted sheep before going to bed, the fifth of which turned out to be a wolf, but the baby was not at a loss and found a way out of a dangerous situation. (3-6 years old).
Somewhere in the age of 5-6, children develop fears of public speaking, a new team, any changes in life, as well as accidents.
With regard to accidents (fire, flood, accidents, injuries), the child should be reassured through information. Introduce safety rules and explain how to react in an accident. At this age, children should know the phone numbers of their parents, ambulance, police, fire department, as well as the address of their residence.
A child's fear of public speaking can be found in these funny books:
"Alone on the Stage" by Swedish writers Ulf Nilsson and Eva Erikson, winners of the Astrid Lindgren International Prize (Samokat Publishing House).
The hero of the book, a 6-year-old boy, shares with the reader his experiences before performing at a concert: fear, horror, shame, panic, nightmares. And his younger brother helps him to overcome these feelings. (3+).
"Kitten Shmyak, sing, don't be afraid!" the famous English artist and writer Rob Scotton (publishing house Сlever). Kitten Shmyak is very worried before the performance, the teacher, friends and his little friend, the mouse, help him with fear. A very nice book. Adapted for independent reading: large letters and simple phrases. (3+).
I would also like to say about the books of famous psychologists, where the reader can get acquainted with all the variety of childhood fears:
"Healing fear: coloring fairy tales for children 3-6 years old" (publishing house "Wheel of Life"). Each tale in this book focuses on a specific fear. In addition to fairy tales, psychologist authors recommend exercises to consolidate the results and therapeutic coloring books for children. Tasteful.
"The ABC of Courage" by Ukrainian writer and psychologist Natalia Chub (publishing house Pelican) in Russian and Ukrainian languages. This book introduces children to life situations in which the heroes face various fears: a doctor, a new company, performances, thunderstorms, darkness, nightmares, an elevator, a drill and many others. The stories are short, simple, with rhyme, so they are suitable for kids even 2 years old. (2-6).
The book "What to do if" by the Russian psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya (publishing house "Avanta"). The author tells the child in a fascinating way how to act correctly in difficult situations that a student encounters on his life path. There are great tips for teens. (6+)
Enjoy your reading.
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