Childhood Fears. What's Really Hiding Behind The Monsters Under The Bed?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Now I am especially often approached with requests for advice about children's fears, especially such as fear of the dark, monsters, ghosts, etc.

Normally, these fears appear in every child at + - 4 years old. At this age, children begin to guess that not everything is eternal, people die, something can happen to their parents.

How does this relate to the fears above?

Canadian psychologist Gordon Newfeld is sure that when it is too painful for us to face true fear, or it is unconscious, the brain finds something that is not so scary to be afraid.

For example, at some point, the child suddenly begins to admit the idea that one day the mother may die. Just imagine how incredibly scary it is to realize this for the first time! As much as it hurts even for a moment to admit this thought, not that constantly be aware of it.

At this point, the brain simply begins to block the perception of such disturbing thoughts and focuses attention and fear on something else, for example, on a cartoon character, a monster in a closet, a ghost in the dark.

It also happens that fears are exacerbated in children at a later age. However, here it is also worth digging deeper and looking for the root cause, and not analyzing the side effects.

It is worth starting to analyze what could disturb the child so much, shake it?

It is important for parents to remember that situations that are sometimes not too disturbing for adults can have a very powerful effect on children.

What could be the true causes of anxiety that the brain blocks?

Many things can provoke the appearance of fears, for example: moving, a greatly changed daily routine, illness of one of the relatives, divorce, separation from someone, violent parental fights, bullying at school, death or expected death of a loved one, intimidation of adults that creates a threat connections with you ("If you behave like this, I will take you to live with your grandmother", "If you tell me this again, I will not talk to you!", "What kind of boy is this ?! My son does not behave like that").

The topic is very complex, but it is extremely important to understand that the brain blocks the true cause of anxiety for a reason.

What to do?

• There is no need for a child to "poke" into it.
• It's important to make it clear that it's okay to be anxious.
• Help find ways to express anxiety, to speak, for example, through books, games.
• Reduce or compensate for the causes of anxiety as possible.

Let's simulate the situation and, using its example, we will analyze how the mechanisms of fear work and how parents should behave

For example, a child does not see his beloved grandmother for a long time, and a long separation provoked fears.

Solution: let them communicate more often on Skype, grandmother can read books like that, tell stories. At the same time, it is important that the adult is the leader in such a conversation.

Let the grandmother speak first, and not wait for the child to show initiative.

You can also replay this situation by reading books, in the plot of which someone gets bored, breaks up, and then meets again.

Parents can themselves share their feelings with the child, tell them that they also miss their grandmother, and that they miss them, draw pictures to her, pass on something to the child, supposedly from the grandmother, and so on.

That is, to do everything so that the child feels a connection with his family, even at a distance.

Most importantly, do not be afraid to look into your children's fears, find the root of the problem and solve it, and not fight the symptoms. After all, the task of adults is to help children adapt to the world around them and its complexities

And if you are not confident in your abilities, it is better to resort to the help of a specialist who will help solve all the issues as painlessly as possible for the child and help overcome fears.