About Pulling Other People's Problems Onto Yourself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Given 1. People often like to give, help, respond, respond, give advice

There are people who have a big, beautiful, sympathetic, compassionate, sensitive heart. From their very hearts, they want to alleviate the suffering of the whole world, or, at least, all the people they meet on their way. It seems to such sympathetic people that if a person is given what he asks or needs, then he (the person) will certainly become a little happier.

And these people, not getting enough sleep at night, not spending time on their personal needs, try their best to make others at least a little bit happier.

But, instead of gratitude, quite often they are faced with the scenario of a fairy tale about a goldfish. The person to whom we gave a trough or a house, etc., begins to want more and continues to be obsessively in his misery. But now he already demands that he be presented with a palace.

This happens only because in fact a person is not ready to accept, own, use correctly, etc. what they give him.

Given 2. Everything in the world is enough and everyone can own as much - as many are really ready on their way

From the second given it follows that the feelings that a person has - insufficiency, unhappiness, anxiety, anxiety, fear and other suffering, are only mechanical tools of the Universe, pushing a person to grow up, learn, develop and find his own optimal and individual path.

Yes, it would certainly be great if even in childhood parents would teach us to be happy and to understand well the reasons for our negative states. But only happy parents could teach this. And many of our parents never learned this main art - a happy life in harmony with themselves and with the world. And we have to learn this on our own, overcoming the negative attitudes and states transmitted by the parents.

At the very beginning, the attachment of happiness to the possession of material goods is too great and, therefore, the idea of happiness is projected onto the possession of material values. Later, having passed a certain path, a person strives to desire something more sublime, and the idea of happiness is projected onto the possession of certain spiritual experiences. But, in neither one nor the other there is a true genuine state of joy and happiness.

Therefore, giving a person what he worries or suffers, we deprive him of some of the important experiences and collisions with himself in the present. It would seem that by alleviating the acuteness of his needs and needs, we, in theory, make him happier. But in the end, in the general picture of the world, it turns out that the one who gave something untimely to another, gave without a request, without a balanced exchange - violated the value of experiencing the state of this person.

Given 3. The one who gives to another out of sympathy in order to alleviate "suffering" and wants to make the other person happier, in fact, does not see and does not understand the value of the person's state. And thus, one gets into the need to live the same state in order to understand all its value and stop "alleviating" such states in other people

I call this the compassion trap or wrong compassion. Those. absolutely out of good intentions to alleviate the pain and suffering of another person, an action is performed that in another person develops greed, self-interest and a desire to receive without a true willingness to have, and provokes in the future to demand even more from the one who gave.

Thus, improper giving creates, instead of feelings of love and gratitude, people who are sure that they are not able to cope with their lives on their own.

Of course, compassion and the giving of benefits "just like that" sooner or later ends with the giver, and he finds himself in a situation where he can no longer sponsor the needy with his energy and gifts. The giver has a huge sense of resentment towards others, a lack of strength for himself, a lack of material and other benefits that he has distributed. Those. he finds himself in a situation in which, until recently, was the one who asked.

A feeling of resentment in this case arises in order to block for some time the wrong flow of giving (love, energy, heart), since the person himself is not aware of the consequences of his actions. After all, the giver does everything out of the brightest aspirations, but does not see the consequences. The mechanism of resentment is triggered to protect the giver from an unbalanced exchange of values, to teach the value of one's own resource and a wise approach to giving. And the lack of energy and strength, just the consequences of an unbalanced, wrong relationship.

After some time, the person recovers, gets out of the deficit situation, recovers balance and the heart opens again. At this point, the main thing is to understand the principles of compassion, or what compassion really is, and begin to respect the conditions of the people in which they arrive.

It is important to learn a harmonious balanced relationship with other people. A balanced relationship is built on the principles of respect, value and the harmonious exchange of tangible and intangible values. In the principles of exchange, it is not the quantity that is important, but the value and attention invested in what is being changed, as well as the awareness, the willingness to give something of equal value from the other side.

About states.

1. Any state is correct and harmonious for the person who is in it.

2. No need to think, "how bad it would be for me in this state!" or "how would I handle this situation?" This is a pity, i.e. agreeing that the person is really in an unfair situation. And this is no longer trust in the Higher Law.

3. You can help:

3.1 If they ask, they ask, they apply.

3.2 Using the skills to inspire or add clarity to a person who needs help, independently find a way out of their situation and begin to act, but not do anything for the person himself.

3.3 If the person who asked is ready to exchange for what he will receive. The exchange can be tangible or non-tangible.

About compassion.

True compassion does not want to ease or change anything. True compassion comes from wisdom and vision that help means only one thing - learning to be happy yourself and live in harmony and balance with the world. And then by itself there will be a way to inspire others to be happy.

And instead of a conclusion.

You can and should help:

1. When they ask and are ready to really give something in order to receive in return what is important and needed.

2. When they begin to apply and use what they have received.

3. Inspire in time, tell the right story, help again look forward with hope and look for a way out.

4. To teach some important necessary and useful skills that in the future will help a person to cope with their situation.

I hope this article will be useful to you and you will change something in your life for yourself.

Task for you:

1. Write down 2 - 3 or more cases when you “helped” or “helped” someone, and took over the responsibility of a person. After each incident, write down at least 5 consequences of what happened for yourself and for another person.

2. Write down what would be the right (wise) thing to do so that a person really received help in his situation? What really needed to be done to help the person in the case you described, to cope with the situation?