TYRANIA IN PARTNERSHIP RELATIONSHIP: DESTROYING RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Among a fairly wide arsenal of methods that serve to achieve complete domination over the victim is the destruction of communication with other people. As long as the victim maintains connections with other people, the tyrant's power is not complete. That is why any tyrant always seeks to isolate his victim from other people. Constantly accusing him of infidelity, the tyrannical partner demands that his victim prove his loyalty to him: quit school or work, break off friendships and even relations with relatives.

Tyrannical breaking of ties requires more than isolating the victim from real other people. The tyrant very often goes to great lengths to destroy any objects that have a symbolic meaning of affection (photographs, gifts, etc.). A young woman tells how her partner demanded that she sacrifice with a sign of affection. “He always asked about my former partners, whom I never had many and with whom I managed to maintain friendly relations. He demanded to delete all their contacts and never contact them again. I thought that he was blinded by love for me and therefore fulfilled this requirement. Later, he began to demand that he break off relations with his friends, saying that they are dishonest and dishonest girls. I was ashamed in front of my friends, I did not tell them anything, but I began to communicate with them less and less so as not to provoke him. I myself did not notice how I became gloomy and depressed. Everything revolved around not upsetting him. I stopped asking myself why I am maintaining this relationship. Then he began to insist that my parents are very greedy and, probably, do not like me. This is a painful topic for me. It always seemed to me that my parents loved my little brother more and really were always more generous towards him. I became more and more depressed. When my mother called, I, feeling offended, did not want to talk to her for a long time. Once my mother asked me what was happening to me, I said that their (parents') dislike for me is visible even to my partner. From that moment on, the struggle between my parents and my partner began. In the end, having teamed up with my friends, I was persuaded to leave him at least for a while. After a week of my life with my parents, I realized that I would never return to him. I don't know how it happened to me."

These are typical stories told by victims of violence. The trap is skillfully set by the tyrant - the victim has no one to turn to, which means that she cannot satisfy her basic need - the need for affection.

The desire for unity and affection is a basic human need with which he comes into this world and which does not disappear anywhere with age. The need for attachment is transferred with age from parents to other people. Emotional connection is a prerequisite for survival, which begins to work against the victim of the tyrant. The more the victim is afraid and isolated from the world of other people, the more she clings to the only relationship - the relationship with the tyrant. In the absence of human relationships, the victim desperately strives to find human in his tormentor.

The severing of contacts with the outside world also leads to the fact that the victim is deprived of any other information other than the information imposed by the tyrant, is deprived of a different point of view that will allow him to see anything else. Thus, the victim begins to see the world through the eyes of a tyrant. The emotional bond between victim and tyrant is the rule rather than the exception. For example, there are cases when hostages, after their release, made a bail for their captors. The emotional bond between a woman and a tyrannical man is similar to the bond between a hostage and an invader, but it has its own nuances. They become hostages suddenly, in partner violence, the victim is seized gradually, demonstrating love. Many women in a relationship with a tyrant initially interpret jealousy as a manifestation of passion and love. At the beginning of a relationship, a woman can also be flattered by attention to every aspect of her life. Women tend to fall in love with such manifestations of a man. And when he begins to more persistently dominate and tear the woman away from her social circle, she tends to downplay and justify the tyrant, not because she is afraid of him, but because she is in love. Many women are strongly influenced by the myth that a relationship with a man is completely dependent on her. They also tend to build their self-esteem on the presence of a relationship with a man: “there is a relationship - everything is fine with me”, “there is no relationship - something is wrong with me”. This myth plays into the hands of a tyrant, it is easy for him to more and more oppress his victim relying on its cherished values.

In order to counter the development of emotional dependence on the tyrant, a woman needs to train a new and independent view of her position, explore active ways to resist the tyrannical man's belief system, learn resilience in avoiding empathy for him, renew connections with others, and develop her ability to love someone. or else besides his tormentor.