2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Gone. Threw. Forgot."
"She doesn't need me. She doesn't care."
Sooner or later, each of us faces such a scenario. Alas, parting is a natural stage in the development of a relationship. And I must say, sometimes it's really for the best. But how do you explain to yourself that the end of a relationship is not necessarily the end of the world? It is foolish to take offense at the early autumn, at a wilted flower, or blame yourself for the fact that the day has changed to night. Why, then, more often than not, we perceive the end of a relationship as the collapse of all hopes?
Remember the phrase about "until death do us part"? It is possible that you should not take everything literally. And what if we are not talking about the physical death of spouses, but about the “death of the relationship?” To paraphrase a well-known aphorism, there is no greater sin than to break off a living relationship or keep a dead one. Unfortunately, often the opinions of partners about the viability and status of the relationship do not coincide. suffering, throwing and mutual reproaches begin.
Relationships between people are a living organism. And like any living organism, relationships also have their own "biorhythms". If the love really passed, the feelings cooled down, and the partners made a mutual decision to part, then, as a rule, there remains a wonderful feeling of light sadness and gratitude for the moments they shared together. But how few partings develop according to this fertile scenario.
Unfortunately, more often than not, for one of the participants in a love union, the gap turns out to be a real blow. When a relationship is torn apart "for a living", non-healing wounds remain on the heart. Sometime later they will turn into "battle scars", but if you are a fan of "picking" and seeing "how it is under the sore", then the healing process can take a long time.
Everyone has their own reasons for suffering. Someone over and over again lives the same scenario and asks the question "why me again?" Someone is accustomed to blaming himself for everything, and is slowly collapsing from within. Someone was robbed of their favorite "toy", and he is not ready to put up with the loss.
I cannot teach you “not to suffer” (although communication with a specialist will help make this process less painful). But I can offer some algorithm that will help you to adequately "survive" the end of the relationship.
Admit the fact that the relationship is over. Don't make excuses for your partner. Don't lie to yourself by trying to deny the obvious. Don't blame "his mom" or "her girlfriends" for what happened. If an adult makes a decision, he himself is responsible for it. You may be hurt and upset, but your partner is an adult independent person and, in the end, he has the right to his own vision of the situation.
Identify my feelings. When the soul hurts and the heart is in tatters, it is very difficult to localize the pain. Try to understand exactly how you feel. Resentment? Anger? Confusion? All situations are different, and there is no single recipe. But once you understand the cause of the pain, it will be easier for you to deal with it.
Don't discount your experience. Everything that happens to us forms our personality. Every relationship, like every breakup, is a lesson. Try to understand what yours is.
Take care of yourself. I'm not just talking about the need to piece yourself together and get on with your life. Most of us cannot afford to hide under the covers for a long time and cry our grief to the bottom. There are responsibilities, work, children … But turning into a zombie, whose thoughts are completely absorbed in the experience of the breakup, is also not necessary.
Since you cannot help but think about what happened and continue to play the script in your head over and over again, try to turn your “self-digging” from destructive to constructive. Try to understand what YOU want yourself. Understand your needs and desires. Use this respite to get stronger. When we understand what we want, it becomes easier to find a way out of this situation.
Forgive and let go … Yes, I know this is easier said than done. At different stages of experience, you experience denial, anger, disappointment - anything but gratitude. But try it anyway. If you hold on to this relationship like that, then there was a lot of good in it. Thank your partner for this. If possible, tell him how grateful you are for the time together. If you are not communicating, take a piece of paper and write down all the good things that you appreciated in this relationship.
If your family has children, don't tear them apart, forcing them to live through your trauma and choose between mom and dad. If your partner is adequate, allow him to participate in the lives of your children. When we stop being lovers, we never stop being parents.
Life after parting does not end. On the contrary, its new stage begins - possibly more interesting and intense than the previous one. The main thing is to allow yourself to live on. And don't drag the negative along with you. Leave in your luggage only the experience and wisdom gained from past relationships. They undoubtedly exist - they just need to be found and cleansed of pain. Every person deserves to be happy. Allow yourself and acknowledge this right for your partner.
It is very difficult to give universal recommendations that would suit everyone. Each situation is unique, just as your feelings and experiences are unique. If you realize that you cannot do it alone, do not hesitate to contact a specialist.
Psychologists and coaches are people just like you. It's just that, in addition to our own life experience, we also have knowledge and practical skills that can ease your pain and help you find a way out of the labyrinth of suffering. Each of us has passed this path more than once. Together we can handle it.
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