2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
- Tell me, does this skirt really suit me?
-Yes, you're good.
-No, well, look and the color goes, isn't it really good?
- True, good.
“Well, I don’t know, I doubt it, but it’s all right, right?”
- pi-pi-pi
We need the approval of others in one simple case - when there is no self-confidence, there is no habit of focusing on ourselves.
They talk and write a lot about self-confidence, but what is the habit of self-orientation? This is really a habit. Which you can develop, guide and educate yourself.
Who are you to yourself?
What do I want? Why do I want it?
Of course, if the attitude towards yourself is at zero, which means:
- the person scolds himself, - insults himself, - underestimates his achievements, - lives in a must and must position, - criticizes himself, then …
There can be no self-orientation. She just has nothing to be born of.
The most interesting thing is that if a person treats himself in this way, then he treats others as well. We demand from ourselves - we demand from others, we underestimate our achievements - we will reduce strangers to zero, we live from the position we must - everyone around will begin to behave in the way we think is right.
How do you get into the habit of focusing on your opinion?
- Begin to respect your choice. I chose this skirt - it means I like it and fit.
- Just stop asking other people for opinions. Just stop doing it.
- Find your core within yourself (by answering the questions above).
- … Engage in your self-confidence rather than other people's opinions about your actions
The roots of such moments, as a rule, are from childhood. Controlling parents, the inability to express their opinion, the prohibition on the expression of feelings, tears, the need to adapt to the parents and the prohibition to be oneself, excessively anxious and protective behavior of the parents.
The approval of others is necessary for us to plug the holes of our emptiness inside, to understand that in the eyes of others I am good, I am accepted, and of course, I am loved. When we are approved, it means we are loved. But this is a huge substitution of concepts. Approval is not equal to love. And now you have to deal with not only self-confidence, but also with self-love, and in secret, one cannot exist without the other.
Self-confidence without love turns into self-confidence.
Self-love does not appear without self-confidence.
By answering the question, who am I for myself, you can understand how and where my life is going. If I'm constantly looking for those who will approve of my outfit, my actions or my choice, then do I live my life at all, do I make my own choices? Do I want to know that I am loved only when they approve, and I love someone only if I approve of him?
If I want to live my life, then I have the right to make those choices that will probably not be approved by others, but will be the most correct for myself.
If I want to live my life, then I love and accept myself with any of my choices, regardless of the approval of others.
If I live my life, then I have the right to be the only authority for myself.
Sometimes approval is necessary for us just to feel that we generally have the right to life, we were approved for this life, we are worthy to live. Of course, this is a very deep injury, but it is precisely such seemingly insignificant moments that can reveal it. We do not know the beliefs of our parents when they conceived us, we do not know the thoughts of the mother at the moment of gestation, and if the family did not want a child … When he is born unconsciously already carries this trauma "I was not approved for this life."
Yes, it can be different, and everyone has their own, but if you are already here, an adult, then you yourself can arrogate to yourself the right to life, and for this you do not need anyone's approval. Whether the parents wanted to have children or not, it is no longer important, it is important how to help themselves now and live happily.
The desire to be approved encompasses several topics at once: self-love, confidence, self-orientation, and the right to life. Everything in our inner world is always interconnected, one follows from the other, the main thing is not to get confused in this. One thing is always important - everyone has the right to part with any of their injuries one day, and just start living …
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