2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What if you need constant approval from others? Did something and in order to accept the result, you need to get someone's approval - in other words, you do not believe yourself or you demean the result.
In the training, this issue is devoted to the third section (on the acceptance of their results), in which we analyze the crises of resources and resources of success. In reality, this is a whole soul work.
Self-distrust and humiliation of your result is associated with early narcissistic trauma (at the age of 1 to 5 years - for someone earlier, for someone later), when you did something, and you were not appreciated, underestimated. As a result, you have never been able to figure out whether the act was good or bad. Z. Freud described this period as anal. The child considers a piece of shit to be his first creation and tries to show his mother that he coped with it (“Mom, look! I'm great!”). However, my mother did not appreciate his deed, did not look, moreover, she said "Fuuu!" There is a dissonance - the child feels that he has done a great job (“I did it myself!”), But receives a completely opposite feedback. As a result, a rather difficult situation is formed - you would be proud of yourself, but you definitely need to get the correct mirroring, because you did not receive it as a child. I will digress a little from the topic - among psychoanalysts in their slang there is the word "mirrored" ("Now I will tell you a story, and you mirrored me!").
And in fact, many need it - failures in the narcissistic period are quite common. However, here you need to work in parallel - on the one hand, find a person who can give you approval (and here we are not talking about flattery!), And you know this for sure if you do good deeds (with regard to criticism, it should be soft); on the other hand, you need to simultaneously cultivate within yourself this ability to recognize, accept your successes, appropriate them (“I did it!”, “This is my business!”, “This is my occupation!”, “I drew this picture!”). Good or bad - it doesn't matter! You may be studying.
This is usually the most important thing in creative moments. Try to make a separate piece of life for yourself, where you create with your own hands, create something, and then look from the side for 5-10 minutes and accept the situation (how was it given to me, how easy or difficult it was, how I tried and selected colors and etc.).
Maybe something didn't work out for you somewhere, but here everything worked out great. Take this positive into your soul!
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