Common Anxiety

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It seems like it's time to talk about anxiety)

An anxious person is always (literally always) in anticipation of a disaster. It is important for him to get an answer to the message as soon as possible, to call, just in case, to clarify where you are, to check for the fifth time if everything is in order and to check if the doors are closed and the iron, light, and water are turned off

Anxiety is a signal that we are in danger. In the usual version, she is an assistant who hints that you need to be more careful and more careful. For permanently alarming, these wires are short-circuited and they give a signal constantly.

And now this wire shortens and the feeling of security does not come. Hence the constant expectation that the husband will go to a smarter-beautiful-slender-blonde. Or fear of losing your job, because you are a so-so specialist, and there are a dime a dozen of them. What if in a new place the team will be even worse?

A separate item is anxiety about the future, when it is not clear whether it will be possible to earn money for a house and a new car, what kind of work will be, whether the children will be healthy. One point is important here. Anything that scares us so much in the future is nothing more than greetings from the past. You cannot be afraid of what is not in your consciousness. If you are afraid of something, you have already experienced it. Remember the kitten Woof from the cartoon and his "troubles in the same place, they are waiting for me there!" Trouble did not plunge him into fear and horror, because he filled this word with a completely different meaning.

To become an anxious adult, you need to be “helped” with this as a child. To be around adults was unsafe. For example, with teachers who liked to repeat that you laugh “like an idiot and run like a girl,” or with a choreography teacher who yelled and called names to the weak when the longitudinal split could not reach.

Or maybe your personal boundaries were just empty words. To do this, it was necessary to constantly compare with the daughter of a friend and be sure to praise her, but not really you, to put it mildly. Or maybe you didn't have almost anything of your own - from a halabudka between chairs and toys that you need to share and not "be greedy" to an opinion, because adults know better.

Or maybe you had extremely anxious parents. They might not deal with their anxiety on their own and actively drain it into the child, controlling or overprotective. Mom could be depressed and simply ignore your feelings and needs, fulfilling only her maternal duty.

If you could go back to childhood and see yourself like this - small, weak, unnecessary, offended, tired. How would you feel? Would they hug him and regret being treated so unfairly? Or would you be angry at this weakness and inability to stand up for yourself?

A sense of security arises in parallel with the fullness of internal resources and the strengthening of their internal supports. When you look in the mirror and see a normal person there, not a set of flaws. An internal resource is when you know that no matter how hard it is, you can handle it.

It's good if you managed to get this feeling in childhood. In adulthood, you will have to experience it - consciously. For example, agreeing to break up an exhausting relationship and realize that suddenly it didn't kill you. Leave one job to find another and be surprised that the planet did not leave its orbit.

I know that logic can understand all this and even repeat to yourself like a mantra. But to believe in it for real is quite another. This is not to panic after the usual “what if I can't cope with it…” ran in a red line. This is a greeting from childhood. When a little man had to cope with big problems not only for himself, but, for example, for his parents. You could not cope with the little ones. And for adults - very much even. And it will be possible to rely on this victory too.

I know this is not an easy job. It has too few guidelines and there are no “answers at the end of the textbook” either. It makes you tired and angry. But it gives that very feeling of inner support with which you can go through anything. Just keep walking. If necessary, I will walk alongside as long as necessary