Common Mistakes In Communication

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Mistake # 1. Reluctance and inability to listen. Since people subconsciously think that they see and hear everything that happens, they very quickly draw conclusions - before they receive sufficient information for the conclusion. To stop the process of producing hypotheses, which are immediately assigned the status of truth, you need to direct your attention to the interlocutor with a strong-willed effort, trying to delve into what exactly he wanted to say. Words are just labels for meanings, and these labels refer to completely different meanings in different contexts, which do not coincide in the minds of different people. This means that we all understand words differently, which are already incapable of containing the designated content. So the feelings that a person speaks about are not at all the same as the words that he utters, and of course, they are not at all what we will understand from what we hear.

To listen and hear, you need to be aware that each person has their own subjective reality. None of us perceive the world as it is. We perceive it as we have learned to perceive. You also need to pay attention to the interlocutor, and not to your ideas about what is happening. Unwillingness and inability to listen is the baggage that we got from the child's egocentric world. We need to acknowledge this fact and start working on it.

Mistake # 2. Loss of contact. Expressing a thought accurately in a word, clearly and compactly is a very difficult and wonderful skill. The difficulty in communicating with words is that you need (on the inner plane) to pick up words and at the same time (on the outer plane) without losing contact with the interlocutor. You can often observe how, having begun to formulate his thought, a person withdraws into himself and loses contact with the interlocutor or audience, ceases to pay attention to their reactions and, therefore, is not able to adequately respond to these reactions. One of the unpleasant consequences of losing contact is the monologue of the interlocutor.

The ability to maintain contact is developed only by special training - for this, in the process of communication, try to always keep your attention on the interlocutors, tracking their reactions. The ability to express a thought in a compact, clear and precise way comes only with a constant striving to make the statement as precise as possible, compact and clear. To do this, you need to read books and work on the content and form of your statements.

Mistake # 3. Lie. If there is a lie in our life, then something is wrong with our life, it needs to be changed. If we do not change anything that makes us lie, then we find ourselves compelled to then serve our lie. So excuses turn into explanations for us and separate us even from close people. Lying (in any form) is something that doesn't exist. At the moment when a person lies, he ceases to exist as a volitional, creative and constructive "I". In communication, lying leads to serious problems and alienates us from solving really important problems.

To stop lying, you need to eliminate cowardice, you need to recognize yourself as existing and possessing free will.

Mistake # 4. Lack of feedback. In the process of communication, it is necessary not only to maintain contact, but also to give feedback to the interlocutor, allowing him to judge how well you understand him and whether you understand at all.

Weak, not trained, reflection does not allow most people to track all the significant consequences of their actions, which means they need to be helped in this - giving them adequate feedback in which a person could see himself and, thanks to this, correct his inadequate perception or behavior. Good feedback is specific, constructive, and motivates for development.

Mistake # 5. Detachment. Words alone are not enough for effective communication. To keep people's attention, you need to cultivate three traits in yourself:

Engagement and excitement. The development of the ability to concentrate on action, the ability to devote yourself entirely to the task. After the tasks are defined, it is necessary to learn how to "be absorbed" by the case in a good sense, "to be seized" by it. People's attention is involuntarily focused on people who are fully involved in what they are doing and are inspired by it.

Confidence. Development of the ability to be a focused person and at the same time, liberated. The secret to confidence is the ability to focus on action, not judgment. When you speak, you focus on the meaning of what you are talking about and on the feedback from the other person. But don't focus on the idea that you are being judged somehow, or you will lose confidence.

Brightness. The development of the ability to emotionally color speech, allowing oneself to accompany emotions with expressive facial expressions and movements.

Mistake # 6. Resistance to development. Instead of admitting mistakes and developing, people spend too much energy looking for reasons why this is not possible.

Resistance to development is the inertia of our self-image. In fact, we can change at any moment, each of us. You just need to be informed about this. We are not our idea of ourselves, and not the expectations of others, we are the authors of our states and our lives. We can learn anything - someone faster, someone slower, in different things in different ways. Self-discipline works wonders when a person ceases to hold on to his "self-image" and actively learns, receives information and draws conclusions.

Mistake # 7. Seek the approval of others. Seeking approval robs autonomy and critical thinking. And it's not that you can't be good to everyone. More importantly, something fundamentally new, counting only on the approval of the people around.

Dependence on the approval of other people, on their opinion is a childhood habit that we inherited from the time of complete dependence on adults. Through the presence or absence of approval, we could know what is right and right and what is not. However, an adult has more reliable criteria of truth - scientific analysis, logic, experiment and the test of knowledge in practice. If you do not get rid of children's habits, then you will have to serve them all your life.

Mistake # 8. Negative thinking. Negative thinking is negative and pessimistic thinking, in which a person concentrates on what he does not want instead of concentrating on what he desires. The consequence of negative thinking is negative speech, which does not help, but interferes with achieving constructive results.

To learn positum thinking, it is necessary to change the focus of attention, by a volitional effort tearing it away from the images of what one would like to get rid of and directing attention to what needs to be done in order to achieve the desired result.

Mistake # 9. Bias. Existing experience colors new data coming from the world, adjusting it to what has already happened. In psychology, it is called "blindness to change." We are used to holding on to first opinions and impressions, stopping processing new information even as it continues to flow. The bias increases by orders of magnitude when it comes to emotionally colored things or communicating with people who do not like.

To overcome bias, it is necessary to remember the goals of communication and seeks to solve the problem, focusing not on your emotional reactions, but on the necessary actions to find an acceptable solution.

Mistake # 10. Mistrust. Mistrust is a form of disunity between people. It is this disunity that makes possible the manipulation of entire nations and violence. The benefits of being suspicious are dubious. True trust between colleagues and partners works wonders, and mistrust destroys even the most profitable joint ventures. Mistrust steals our time and energy, taking them away to defend against non-existent threats.

A strong-willed intention to people, to their intentions, allows you to change attitudes. This is not naivety, but a formative faith, a purposeful impact, the result of which is a constructive relationship of partnership and cooperation.

Mistake # 11. Loss of meaning. Often in a communication situation, topics are raised that are not directly related to the subject of the conversation. Sometimes these are necessary distractions - to clarify positions, terms, or as a way to relieve tension, but even more often it is a distraction from the main thing. As a result, this main thing is blurred or completely lost.

To eliminate this communication error, it is necessary in a situation of communication in the background to keep the meaning - why am I now saying this, what questions are important to discuss and the answers to what questions to get. Questions to yourself help to adjust attention, for example, "What is the main thing in this situation?" In finding the right answers to these questions, getting the context right is essential. It is the context that often determines the meaning of the conversation. By creating or changing contexts, for example, professional, business, social or personal communication, we can change the meaning of joint communication.

It is also important not to allow interlocutors to be distracted for a long time from the subject of discussion. To do this, you need to learn how to kindly interrupt and return the conversation to the dark, for example, with the phrase: "Let me interrupt you, if I understand correctly, now it is important for us …" and clarify what exactly.

Mistake # 12. Expectations. Expectations are a passive, childish attitude towards the result, as if the desired result should happen to us. Naturally, expectations are not met and lead to suffering.

It is dangerous to focus on your expectations in the process of communication. If the desired result is really important, it must be provided with actions, real actions. It is also dangerous to be led by the expectations of others. This is an easy trap to fall into if you sympathize with the other person. Having tracked the expectation that was "hung" on you, but which you are not going to justify - give feedback, kindly show that you do not consider yourself obliged to follow this expectation. By doing so, return responsibility for expectations to its source.

Mistake # 13. Manipulation. Manipulation is an attempt to covertly control the actions of people in order to extract personal gain. Nobody likes to be manipulated. An attempt to achieve one's goal with the help of manipulation will, sooner or later, lead to even greater disunity and loss of trust.

Instead of manipulation, it is necessary to choose methods of open problem statement, search for a constructive joint solution. This approach inspires trust and respect.

The article appeared thanks to the works of Vadim Levkin, Karl and Nossrat Pezeshkian.

Dmitry Dudalov