2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the process of psychotherapy, especially when working with trauma, complex experiences are actualized: pain, fear, shame, anger.
This is a normal process, and such a client working on his traumas may not have enough support from only his psychologist, even the best one.
A safe, supportive environment is also important, which can include friends, like-minded people, colleagues, relatives, and special “safe people”.
Safe people these are people with whom you can share important news, your feelings, plans, mood, but this is not the main thing, it is important that these are people who are able to listen and not evaluate, not devalue, not criticize and not boring, not sprinkle with vulgarities and platitudes, these people can give support in the form in which you need it at the moment, come, talk on the phone, say "I'm with you", chat online, go for a walk with you or "just" make you tea or hug, talk heart to heart or to keep quiet together when you are grieving, worried, upset, happy, angry or ashamed, they know that you can turn to them for support and voluntarily agreed to this, sometimes it is a mutual agreement, in which case they too will contact you if they need support. It's free. It's around the clock. That is, of course, they are not ambulance doctors and are not required to always be in touch, someone may be unavailable, the very opportunity is important, if you can get help and support at any time.
Life circumstances change dramatically, unexpectedly and safe people are the support, the pillow that can help you return to a state of balance.
The word "safe" itself speaks of your condition in contact with such a person, this person will not rudely invade your personal boundaries, climb with unsolicited advice, interrupt when you are telling something important to you, time boundaries are also important ("talk 10 minutes with me, please "," can you call in for an hour? " did not collapse, he also has his own limits, his own life, family and affairs), again everything is mutual and you will not do the same in relation to him (her), that is, violate the boundaries and climb with advice..
Support is free. Psychotherapy can be free or paid (more expensive or cheaper), and support is free. Always free. Although not always possible from a specific safe person. At this moment, he himself may feel bad, or sleepily, or he or she is abroad, at the doctor, in the cinema, bathes the child, is unavailable for any other reason, and then what?
Safe friends is a plural phrase and I can tell you from my experience, the experience of my friends and clients: the more safe friends there are, the calmer, safer, easier, more confident to live and move forward.
There is a feeling: I am not alone. The main thing is that in your list of safe there are no names "for show". The appearance of safe people in your life is a great challenge and opportunity if you are used to always relying only on yourself and do not know how to ask for help and support.
To be able to support oneself, to rely on oneself is useful and important, as well as to ask for help, well understanding why now. These are complementary skills.
A big challenge can be to agree with several people that you are now safe people for each other, when the very moment has come to ask for support.
It will be useful to stipulate in what form you need support now and how long you need. Don't give up when the first and second people on your list don't answer and dial the third. Believe me, when then they all start calling back and asking how you are, your sense of support will only increase, even if you are already in a more resourceful state.
When choosing a safe person, be careful, listen to your inner feelings, when you are in contact with him, how are you? What's going on with your body? How do you breathe? Do you really turn to this person for support? Do you think this person will cope or hide?
This can be a strange, new and strange experience. Follow him and your life will change.
And you yourself will learn to support, if you didn’t know how before, and you will be able to train this "muscle" if you knew how.
If you know that in your life there were traumas of violence, loss, accidents, especially if at that moment you were left without the support of others, try this new way of organizing support now.
Call and say the cherished words: "Hello! Can you talk? I am calling you now as a safe person. I now feel (what exactly) or I now (how exactly) and I need support (further tell which one and in what form).""
Attention! Safe people cannot be your children, husband (boyfriend), wife (girlfriend), mom, dad, siblings, and other people who are very involved in your emotional well-being.
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