I Love You = I Am By Your Side

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I've always dreamed of driving. I passed my license even earlier than the car appeared in the family. I embodied my dreams in the form of pictures that I hung on the wall near the computer. After a while, we bought exactly the model that was in my pictures.

And now the dream has come true. Now it's up to the little: get behind the wheel and go towards the horizon. Only me, dear and beloved Bon Jovi, singing through the radio tape recorder “It’s my life”.

But everything turned out differently.

I had the rights, but the driving experience was only 30 obligatory driving hours, which I went to the driving school. It's one thing to go with an instructor and quite another to be responsible for your own safety. There was no one to insure me, there was nowhere to wait for help. Here is the steering wheel, here is the road and next to Roma (my husband), who knows neither the rights nor the driving mechanics. At that time, Roma did not yet have a driver's license.

I don’t understand where he got the courage to get into the car with me. I would not have got into such an adventure, but he took a chance. At first, we didn't even take our son with us on trips, because "you never know what."

"You never know what" began to happen to me almost immediately.

A week later, I crumpled my car while driving out of the garage. As now, I remember the expression on Roma's face at the moment of the impact: so much sadness was reflected on it that, even without leaving the car, I realized that the "scribe" had happened. I scolded myself loudly, without choosing words, I was offended for my own club-handedness, to which Roma calmly told me: “Nothing irreparable has happened. The dent can be aligned. It's just iron, don't scold yourself like that. Thank God no one was hurt."

"You never know what" happened to me regularly: either at multi-lane intersections it stalled, releasing the clutch pedal ahead of time, or at traffic lights. Through time it turned out not to roll back when she started to move, standing under the hill. And since I am a "novice driver", then, observing caution and avoiding emergency situations, I trudged along the roads at a speed of 30 km / h, which terribly infuriated other drivers. Then I decided not to interfere with them, began to ride, nestling against the curbs, so I interfered with pedestrians. And the most "worthy" my pearl - looking at the traffic cop, go directly under the sign "no passage".

But my story is not about that. Or rather, not only about this. Whenever I squinted and caught the annoyed glances of other motorists on myself, every time I screamed out of emotion that I would never drive a car again, my husband continued to believe in me and my capabilities.

- Roma, I stalled, and the cars behind us honk! What should I do?!

- Let them honk. Whoever is in a hurry, let him go around. Calmly start the car again and slowly release the clutch pedal.

- Roma, my ride only interferes with other road users! I'm dull on the road!

- Everything is fine. They, too, were once stupid. You study, and then you will be able to, like them.

As practice has shown, I don’t like to drive and don’t want to. The long-standing dream of having a car has transformed into a desire to sit in a comfortable passenger seat and not create stress either for oneself or for others.

Now I drive a car very rarely, in case of emergency. I only get behind the wheel when Roma is around. Because I know that he will keep calm for the two of us and will always find the right words to encourage and give confidence.

If then, in the presence of Roma, I had not received the experience of unconditional support and faith, then, very likely, I would no longer sit behind the wheel.

At any age, at any level of awareness, we need a loved one who can provide support from the outside, in whose presence we master new experiences and integrate into our lives. Especially if we meet with something unfamiliar to ourselves, with something that deprives us of a resource. We need someone who temporarily takes a parenting position and shields us from difficulties. Even if we have built strong muscles ourselves and consider ourselves strong and self-sufficient, sometimes we need someone else to double our potential.

In marriage, it is good if people serve as support for each other in turn: today you feel bad and there is no strength to fight the outside world - I will be there, because I now have free energy. And tomorrow everything can change: I will be weak and in need of your resource. Be sure to take turns, otherwise the constantly supportive runs the risk of taking a parental position, thereby creating confusion in the family system.

In a happy marriage - "I love you = I am next to you."

In it, the roles in relation to each other change: power and responsibility, strength and weakness, initiative and passivity, childhood and adulthood pass from hand to hand. In such a pair, there is no clear leader and forever delimited powers. It is easy and pleasant for them to be in a partner position with each other, to adapt together to changes and difficulties.

The family is a place where we experience security, a secure attachment that awakens in us curiosity, a desire to explore and learn new things. So, to grow up.

For me, one of the most important characteristics of a happy marriage is the presence of a special space where they accept each other's imperfections and support each other even when we no longer believe in ourselves. The one where you want to return after all the failures and not be afraid to show your weakness. Spaces where every moment spent with a loved one is assessed as a great gift, because it will never be the same as right now.