And You Love Me, Do Not Love My Brains

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How healthy relationships differ from unhealthy ones? Healthy, understandable, planned, predictable, reliable, caring, respecting the boundaries of the partner and moving towards spiritual intimacy … They are simple. But in order to build them, time, psychological maturity, the conscious need of two partners in a normal relationship and the ability to love are needed.

Unhealthy relationships - complex, full of problems, misunderstandings, inability to agree, emotional thriller. They are merciless to feelings, teeming with psychological games and manipulative behavior, traumatize souls, destroy personalities.

A logical question is brewing - why? Why and why do people choose harmful behavior, destructive interactions, pain, suffering, disappointment in themselves, others and life in general?

After all, if you do not dissemble, then everyone dreams of love. Big, bright, strong, faithful, mutual, passionate, tender, giving wings, giving strength, all-conquering, eternal … real, in a word.

Let's start with the why:

• Entering into a relationship, each of us already has a certain idea of love and its manifestations, which is formed, yes, even in childhood. The child calls "love" what he saw between his parents and felt in relation to himself. Selects and reproduces a relationship format that is familiar from an early age in terms of emotional degree, form and content. Unfortunately, not all relationships are positive examples and role models.
• It is also important to note that entire generations are brought up on the idea that true love is a continuous heat of passions and a whirlwind of emotions. All happy families are equally happy. What else can you say here? But all the unhappy - each in its own way. And there is such a wide range of variability that you never cease to be surprised. Melodramas, talk shows, song "hits", poetry and prose present "trash" in relations with the removal of the brain, betrayal, betrayal, conflicts, an integral part of "love". And although the majority of literary works are just a scientific manual "how not to", many continue to think that normal relationships and love are necessarily through thorns to the stars, with a universal drama, in which one must certainly suffer, win back, torment and deserve.
• And someone is afraid of the routine, of what will be eaten by household goods, interests will diverge, hormones will calm down - the passion will subside and a boredom will come. And often, instead of normal healthy relationships, they choose relationships with arrhythmia, hassle, endless games "who will make whom" and ruthless violation of each other's boundaries. Some people think that Italian passions and roller coasters are exactly the way to avoid boredom and the format of "live" relationships for many years.

Now why.

When relationships turn into a constant race for strong emotions, an emotional dependence on the emotions themselves is formed. There is no question of any love. The partner is used as a platform for acting out and receiving an invigorating adrenaline rush. But the ambush and annoyance is that the sensitivity is dulled. A person does not feel himself, life in himself, satisfaction with relationships in a state of relative calm. After all, the psyche develops adaptive mechanisms for literally everything. We can even get used to sleeping on nails and stop feeling pain. And … there comes a time when you cannot do without doping. And then … then you have to increase the "dose". And this is already truly dramatic, dangerous and with a sad prognosis for the future.

Cold and hot, far away - close, passionate sex after a debilitating scandal - only forms a painful emotional connection. When emotions constantly go off scale - emotional burnout, mental fatigue and nervous exhaustion in a relationship are inevitable.

Needless to say, this shakes even more the nervous system, balance in relationships and undermines trust in the world, in a partner and in oneself.

If you move in this mode, you will certainly come across the depth of the song phrase "And you love me, and do not love my brains …". As a result, there may be something to remember, something to regret and what to treat, but there is nothing to tell grandchildren. When you want to be hot, sharper and adrenaline, so that the relationship is not bland - it's time to think!

And all of what? And all because we rarely saw and felt real closeness with people.

I do not want to grieve, but love does not arise by itself, as a gift from God. This mutual something (more than a feeling and broader than a process) gradually grows and gets stronger between people in relationships. Love is the place and process where people mutually inspire and nourish each other. Addiction is a pathology where people use each other to get a "dose" of the emotions they need.

And no, it's not boring, bland and ordinary. A healthy relationship is safe, stable, reliable, trusting, calm. In them, partners feel confidence and perspective, can openly and honestly declare their desires and needs. They are heard by each other and strive to satisfy them. It is pleasant and joyful for them to make each other happy. To do this, they have a resource that is accumulated through high-quality positive interaction. And this resource enables partners to be satisfied with relationships and life, bring new ideas, realize desires, feel strength and faith in themselves for further achievements, development and self-realization.

In general, we ourselves choose the content and quality of both our personality and our relationships. Any experience is processed, abilities are developed, and skills are formed, there would be a desire.

Therefore, I wish all of us the right choices and decisions, emotional stability, psychological health and, of course, true love and harmonious relationships.