If You Are Not Happy With How Your Child Is Not Doing Something As Well As You Would Like

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

- "Mom, look how I painted!"

- “Well, what did you draw? What couldn't have done better?"

Or this:

- "Mom, look how I'm doing!"

- "So what. You can do your best."

I didn't want to write about such a seemingly hackneyed topic as the topic of high expectations from a child.

Yes, here I come across this often in consultations.

Therefore, I decided to write.

Some parents have such an idea that a child should do something right away and just fine.

As if he is born with such skills at once.

As if he was born immediately able to walk, run, jump, draw, sculpt, read, write, etc.

Let's try to look at it as it really is.

When we start doing something, do we do it well right away?

When a child starts walking, how does this process take place?

At first, very uncertain steps to mom or dad.

Then more and more confident.

Then there is more and more confidence. And you can take a few steps yourself.

Then he walks more and more confidently and can now run.

And remember how we support him, how we rejoice at his every step.

Or someone already from the very first step to the mother begins to reproach the child “You can do better. Why don't you try?"

For some reason, it seems to me that, nevertheless, parents do not impose excessive demands on their children in mastering the steps.

So why do some parents set high expectations for some other actions that the child masters?

The child does as he CAN at this moment.

When he masters this action and can confidently do it, then he will be able to start doing something differently. He will be able to master some new action.

There is no other way.

First, we master one thing.

The skill develops in this.

Then we expand it.

And one more skill develops.

OUR SUPPORT IS IMPORTANT for the child to develop these skills consistently and to make it easy for him to master the next skill.

And not at all our dissatisfaction "You are not trying!"

Now, even if you, an adult, remember how you mastered something new, was it such that you did not succeed in something right away?

And what would you like to hear at this moment from loved ones?

Something that "It's great that you got this part, try further with you and something else will work out better!"

Or something like, "You're so inept, you're just trying badly!"

Which phrase would really support you to continue to master new things, and which one would stop you in this process of mastering?

And you would just avoid it.

Do you want your child to grow up confident in themselves?

Did you know how to cope with difficulties?

Did you know how to survive failures?

So what will really support a child to grow up confident in themselves?

And in the fact that he believed that he could cope with difficulties?

And that he will be willing to learn new things, faced with setbacks and mistakes?

I suggest that you remember that in any activity a child needs to be rejoiced at, even if it is a small success.

- "I am glad that you have already managed to do it!"

And he also needs to be supported by faith in him. "I believe in what you can do!"

That he will continue to succeed if he continues to do so.

What do you think about this?

How do you support your children?

What are you telling them?

I would be grateful if you share your experience!

I really want as many confident and successful children as possible to live in this world.

I really want as many parents and children as possible to have good relations and be emotionally happy.

So that as many and happy adults as possible would be around.

Psychologist, child psychologist Larisa Velmozhina.

I help parents improve their relationship with their children!

I provide consultations online (Skype, text correspondence) and in my office.