2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Lucy hastily painted her lips. She was late for the main event in her life - personal growth training. Why is it important? Because then there will be a NEW life! Successful, active, bright.
Zinaida Stepanovna looked with a dull gaze in the mirror. 45 - baba berry again. Here are just this hopeless melancholy, fatigue and hopelessness. Nothing. Valery Ivanovich is a good psychologist. He will definitely help!
Antonina barely came (crawled) home from work. Late. “It’s very hard to walk, I ought to lose weight,” she thought, sitting in front of the TV with a portion of navy-style pasta. "Now I am tired, but from Monday I have to!"
Who among us has not started a new life on Monday, on the first day, or at least on the New Year? Thousands of identical stories of unfulfilled expectations. What happens with the best intentions and motives? Why can someone change their life drastically, once and for all, while someone fails to take even one small step towards a new self?
What is required for dramatic changes in life
Realization that “I don’t want to live like this anymore”. Most of us do just fine with this. A person suddenly realizes that he is working in an unloved job, lives with an unloved person, there is not enough money for anything, etc. Living with the awareness of lack without change is very difficult. It is the lack of something (mental or material) that triggers the process of human development. If a person realizes the lack of something, but does nothing to get what he wants, gray pessimism and dissatisfaction with the existing situation appear, envy towards those who have better, anger, resentment, etc.
- Defining a goal - "I want to live this way." This is from the realm of dreams and desires. But my mother in childhood so often said “Dreaming is not harmful!”, So many dreams remain dreams. Those who are ready to bring them to life move on to the next stage.
- Development of a plan to achieve the goal. Stick to it clearly, making no exceptions for any reason. This requires all the willpower and endurance.
- Consolidation of the new achieved position, retention of positions. It is believed that it takes 21 days to master any new habit. It is during this period that new neural connections are formed.
- It is important throughout all the stages of transformation from awareness to consolidation - to believe in yourself, your strengths and capabilities without limit, unconditionally.
Everything seems to be simple, and often no one goes beyond the first point. Why? Because cardinal changes require tremendous mental strength and courage. The psyche is designed in such a way that any change is perceived as a threat to the existing situation. You will unconsciously do whatever you can to prevent yourself from becoming different. Every person faces personal inner resistance every day. It manifests itself in everything: in the reluctance to get out of bed in the morning, in the reluctance to read the right book or to learn the language, in the search for excuses from playing sports, in putting off everything that can (and cannot) be postponed until tomorrow. We explain this to ourselves by laziness or procrastination, we make new promises to ourselves in order not to fulfill them again. Or do it tomorrow. Internal resistance works outside the will and desire of a person and is so strong that it even hurts him physically. For example, people who decide to see a psychotherapist in order to improve family relationships begin to be late for sessions, forget about them, or even get sick and accidentally injure themselves - anything to avoid therapy, to avoid changes. This is the force that interferes with the assimilation of new knowledge and habits.
A week after the training, Lucy did not find an opportunity to complete all her homework and practices and returned to her usual way of life.
Zinaida Stepanovna went to Valery Ivanovich once. Expensive. And is it really possible to change something at 45? The sun of life turned towards sunset … I bought myself a new blouse.
Antonina still comes home late from work and watches TV in the evening, combining the news with dinner. There is no more time for anything.
Do you think those who managed to change their lives have no inner resistance? There is! they just learned to work with him and overcome themselves. The beginning of any transformation is a way out of your comfort zone. It is an area of living space that gives a sense of comfort, coziness and security. Everything around is familiar and familiar. The state in which a person lives by inertia for years. And a low salary, and boring work, and overweight and unloved by your side, and much more - this is a comfort zone.
To leave it, you need to overcome a number of difficulties associated with the work of internal resistance:
1. Understand what exactly is hindering your change. How do you feel about this?
2. Become aware of what comfort, a secondary benefit from the status quo, can be for you. There can be a lot of examples, for example:
- Excess weight helps to justify loneliness, dislike of others, to seize all possible problems and grievances;
- The disease encourages others to love, sympathize and pity, to show concern, so you can feel significant for other people, become the center of life for your family;
- Unloved work can meet the expectations of parents, gain their recognition, implement destructive life scenarios;
- An unloved person next to you helps to avoid responsibility for your life. It's his fault that everything is bad with you, he ruined your whole life.
In any case, the secondary benefit from an unfavorable state of affairs is in some way justifying oneself and an attempt to manipulate other people, the inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for oneself and one's life, the inability to take care of oneself and the manifestation of dislike for oneself.
3. Deal with your fears of future change. For example:
- Fear of failure. What if it doesn't work out ?! Fear of failure is associated with a lack of such experiences or negative experiences of change. Well, yes, last year and the year before last I was on diets, so what? The important thing to understand here is that failure as such does not exist. There is just experience. If it didn't work out in one way, then you need to try another. The one who does nothing is not mistaken.
- Fear of criticism. What if everyone laughs, scoffs, teases? In any case, with serious life changes, there will be those who will criticize you. For your own reasons, for various reasons that have nothing to do with you. Therefore, it is better to change your inner position to fear criticism. For example, they criticize only successful people who have been able to achieve something. So you are on the right track. It only makes sense to listen to those who can help and support your change.
4. Take the first step. You cannot change your past, but you can change the future! The main rule in expanding your comfort zone is to take small, small steps, but constantly, without changing your goal, all the time moving towards it. Personal praise to oneself, prizes-rewards, and an external assistant can help here.
Remember that the 1000-step path starts with the first step. And if it is difficult to do it yourself, you can always turn to a specialized specialist who knows what resistance is and how to work with it.
With all my heart I wish everyone who is walking to master their path!
Note. All characters and names are fictitious. Any coincidences are accidental!
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