Complete Old And Start New. End Contact

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I watched the leaves fall slowly outside the window, and the raindrops created a transparent veil. When it rains, I get the impression of being heavy. This heaviness gently envelops me and relaxes, it presses gently.

I look at the puddle, and how the falling raindrops create vibrations on the surface of the puddle. The fall of one drop of rain into a puddle is like one mini-tragedy about how a drop aspired to the ground, about how it flew from heaven in order to inevitably break on the surface and become part of something new, about how to merge in energetic contact and go into another form of existence. And then it’s all over again. Evaporate, rise into the sky, to fall down again.

As I watched the drops of water falling into a puddle, I thought about human relationships and the problems that arise when two people meet and unite as one.

Often, my clients during therapy find out for themselves that in order to start a new relationship, you need to end old ones. This applies not only to man-woman relationships, this scheme is universal, it is about how to get out of one business and plunge into another, how to end one cycle and start another.

This case was interesting in its own way and similar to many others. She asked for help in finding a new life partner. She wanted to become the new Juliet and needed a new Romeo for the complete picture. She wanted to be loved, wanted to be looked after, wanted him to be different from her ex. When asked, “Please tell us more about your previous relationship,” they took me by the hand with a strong grip of an offended woman and took me to the ticket office of the museum entrance. Naturally, I put on my change of shoes and entered this temple of memory under the strict guidance of my guide on past memories. We did not stay in the first hall for a long time, as it was dedicated to those first impressions of him, which, of course, were later confirmed. Moving to the next hall, I was amazed by the author's installation, which described all the difficulties and hardships that she had to go through with him. And yet together! The guide insists on going to the last and most important hall of the exhibition. Holding my breath, I walk with her into the vast pavilion. Everything is there. And the sketches depicting incriminating moments, statues showing all the flaws in the figure, video installations of the most stupid situations and, finally, the crown of the entire exhibition - promises that are kept under bulletproof glass, the code from which has been lost. I look at the promises under glass, which are executed in the form of vintage letters written in the soft style of Dumas the elder and read in boudoir with burgundy velvet curtains by a lady whose cheeks lit up every time she took out a letter from her treasury. These letters are slightly dented, some are torn and then glued again. The bulletproof glass has just been wiped and polished to a shine.

We leave the museum and again sit in chairs opposite each other. It is raining outside the window. She is a little depressed, the fuse is over, her hands are on her knees.

Using the example of a drop that falls into a puddle, I explain one of the possible reasons why a new relationship does not start in any way. A drop drips into a puddle and thus creates vibrations on the surface of the water. These vibrations diverge from the center to the edges, gradually damping. There is the beginning of the process in the form of contact of a drop with a puddle and there is an end of the process in the form of damping of oscillations from the drop. When the damping of vibrations does not occur, then you can miss and not notice the moment when the next drop falls into the water and generates new vibrations on its surface. All new vibrations will merge with those initial from the first drop, forming a single vibrational background. When it rains, it is impossible to see waves in a puddle from a single drop.

The metaphor with rain and drops makes her think and sends her out into the street, where it is raining now. She looks out the window and sees the very puddle into which the drops are dripping.

We often find ourselves in situations where we cannot finish the business we have begun for one reason or another. It could be past relationships, work unfinished yesterday, an unfinished book, and undercooked meat that is so hard to chew. We easily forget something, but something lives in our consciousness for a very long time. Some unfinished business, missed opportunities, and in our case, a relationship that she has not been able to end for a year now.

I invite her to consider the option in which a formal break in relations is not yet their real end. And in her understanding there are elements of the fact that one cannot be in a relationship with one man and at the same time start a relationship with another.

The protest and the appeal to logic shift our dialogue towards the museum of memories and to the fact that it was closed a long time ago and the director fled, and I appeal by the fact that we have just left there.

Of course, all of this can seem difficult to understand and very difficult to accept. In this case, we have time to work on the closure of the museum of memories.

A way out of this relationship, i.e. breaking contact is needed to form new relationships. Separating from someone, you can begin to feel more fully. The focus of attention will be shifted to oneself, separation from the object occurs, passions subside, and, finally, a process of tranquility occurs.

Once we are at peace, we can take a fresh look at our surroundings and then make new choices based on our current urgent need.

In other words, you need to end an old relationship in order to start a new one.

The rain outside the window dies down and the first rays of the sun break through the dense clouds. For some more time we have been discussing the issue of breaking off contacts, ending relations and smoothly moving on to the end of the session.

She sits with her hands on her knees, then reaches for her bag and looks for something there. Her face flushes brightly as she hands me the key to the supermarket locker.

“What is this?” I ask.

“This is the key to the museum of memories. I closed it,”she says.

I am interested in her interpretation of our work. I suggest that she perform some kind of ritual to close the museum. She can throw out this key on her own with thoughts of the complete closure of the museum.

For some time she sits, embarrassed with the key in her hand. It seems quite comical to sit with a psychologist with a key to a supermarket storage room.

Close the door. The exit is always the same as the entrance.