2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When it comes to self-esteem, the vast majority of people use terms such as "low self-esteem", "overestimated self-esteem." In reality, all these things have no practical use, since they imply some kind of assessment of a person from the outside. Or, in other words, his “other definition”. After all, if a person evaluates himself "low", then it is obvious that he evaluates himself according to a certain scale, which was not invented by himself, but which was imposed on him.
In fact, all problems with self-esteem are precisely due to the fact that a person is trying to meet certain external criteria, norms, opinions, attitudes, etc. Moreover (which is the root of the problem) he tries to correspond completely unconsciously, at the level of the mind, justifying the decisions and choices made under the influence of the subconscious. A person does not even think that he should not correspond to something, that everything is in order with him from the very beginning.
Even if you think that everything is OK with your self-esteem, having diagnosed yourself according to the signs below, you will see that not everything is as blissful as you would like.
Sign number 1. "I am good if I have (family, man, girl, prestigious job, car, apartment, children, money, higher education, etc.)"
Sign number 2. “I’m bad if I don’t have (family, men, girls, jobs, cars, apartments, children, money, higher education, etc.)”
Sign number 3. “I’m bad if (I communicate with“wrong”people, have a“wrong”religious, political, sexual orientation, say what is unpleasant for others, actively brag / PR myself)”
Sign number 4. Bipolar thinking and the inability to see halftones and the multicolor of the world, which is manifested in the rigid categorical nature of the positions and opinions expressed
Sign number 5. Search for those who are to blame for their problems - circumstances, fate, "the wrong country", "the wrong people", relatives, others, etc. are declared guilty.
Sign number 6. The desire to prove something to someone ("Are you richer? But I'm smarter! You are smarter? But your conscience is clearer! You have a clear conscience? But I can troll so much that everyone will think that you are the most dishonest person on earth!" and so on and so forth)
Sign number 7. “I’m good if I achieved something (made a career, defended my dissertation, built a house, created and developed a business, got a million video views, etc.)”
Sign number 8. "I am cooler than others if I have a lot of money (or a little more than the bulk of others)"
Sign number 9. "I am cooler than others if I had more women than them."
Sign number 10. "I am bad if others do not approve and accept me, my ideas, suggestions, actions, deeds, etc."
Sign No. 11 … "I am good only if I can be useful, interesting, convenient to another"
Sign number 12. Constantly comparing yourself (your life achievements and acquisitions) with other people
Sign number 13. Deep and sincere contempt for the weak (morally and physically) people, which is based on no less sincere, but carefully hammered into the outskirts of the unconscious fear of suddenly being the same, showing weakness
Sign number 14. Envy and criticism (often justified, but always petty) in relation to the successes and achievements of others (they are often suppressed, therefore they break through unconsciously in bizarre and sometimes comical and stupid forms)
Sign number 15. The need to endure situations that are unsuitable for fear of offending, upset or upsetting someone
Sign number 16. Inflexibility as the inability to back down and sacrifice small in order to win big or avoid destructive or protracted conflicts
Sign number 17. Aggression against others in the form of jokes, jokes, jokes, podbeck, irony, teasing
Sign number 18. Constant provocation of conflicts, and often out of the blue. Moreover, conflicts are found and created purely unconsciously, without rational consideration of real goals and interests.
Sign number 19. The desire to raise its importance by hinting or indicating involvement in some events, membership in organizations, meeting famous people ("Yes, I stood next to the Cord for 2 minutes!")
Sign number 20. The desire to do everything yourself, the inability and inability to delegate, accept someone else's help
Sign number 21. The desire to find fault with trifles and insignificant details in order to expose an opponent, colleague, author, etc. in a not very good light
Sign number 22. Inability to refuse (say "No"), ignoring one's own interests, desires and needs in order to please the collective interests or interests of another person
Sign number 23. Constant change of areas of activity and areas of professional implementation. The main reason is the inability to quickly get what you want (money, fame, influence, regalia, etc.), which would allow you to feel “good”, “normal”, “full-fledged”.
Sign number 24. The desire to argue, but not for the sake of finding the truth, but to prove one's own innocence or intellectual coolness
Sign number 25. "I am good if others approve and accept me and what I do, that is, they evaluate me well."
Sign number 26. Painful reaction to one's own failures and negative assessment from others
Sign number 27. Failure to recognize (not only publicly, but even within oneself) the fallacy and inadequacy of one's views or actions, "ram's" persistence in defending one's "righteousness"
Sign number 28. Fear of defeat (failure, failure, etc.), often repressed and therefore unconscious, but manifested both in the form of uncontrollable hysterical outbursts, and in the form of self-sabotage and justification of one's own inaction by various reasons and circumstances
Sign number 29. Ruthlessness to yourself, your feelings, your health, other people on the way to the goal
Sign number 30. Inability to claim your own, exert the necessary pressure to promote or protect your own interests
Sign number 31. Erotic fantasies on the topic of their own "demand" - they say, a prince on a white horse will appear, a big man, will see the beauty of my soul, my unnoticed talents and will call to marry and take it under his wing
Sign number 32. Sincerely convinced that “I don’t have any problems, only lazy people, weaklings and inept people have them,” but I’m hoo! The crown shines brighter than the sun
Sign number 33. Striving for trolling in comments on the Internet and expressing your “special” opinion on business and without business, which is necessarily more “correct” than that of the author of a post, video, article
Sign number 34. Dissatisfaction with the results that have been achieved, the desire to get something more, while it is not clear why this "more" is needed ("I do not want to be a free queen, I want to be the mistress of the sea")
Sign number 35. Avoiding responsibility for making serious life and business decisions and, as a result, inability to realize their plans and the presence of a huge array of started, but not finished cases, projects, goals
Sign number 36. High inertia of thinking, inability to go beyond the usual mental models and consider the issue from a different point of view, the habit of relying on stereotypes and looking for "ready-made solutions"
Sign number 37. The feeling that nothing is interesting in life, does not interest anything, because it is unclear what should be liked, since there is no "parental directive" on this score (ie from those who know best what you "want")
Sign number 38. Love for quick results and simple solutions, because the faster the result is, the faster you can say that “I am good because I have this and that”; at the same time, for the sake of “quick results”, health, energy, relationships, reputation, personal dignity, etc. are brought.
Sign number 39. Low ability to make independent decisions, waiting for an "order" or instruction "from the outside" (for example, from the hero of a commercial, TV series or video blogger) as a motivation for action
Sign No. 40 … A hard "psychological shell" that interferes with building open, trusting relationships with others. Another person is unconsciously perceived as someone who can hurt if he is "put into the soul"
Sign number 41. The desire to be at least in something, even in the smallest sphere or area, but better than others ("but I solve crosswords faster than anyone!")
Sign number 42. Fear and inability to express your true and sincere feelings (even if it is anger, anger, irritation, discontent, resentment, etc.)
Here it is necessary to understand the following important circumstance - in all these signs, self-esteem depends EXCLUSIVELY on external factors. In other words, a person believes that everything is fine with him (and it is good against the background of other “losers” or “wrong people”), if he has something, can do something, achieved something, behaves in a certain way, corresponds some criteria, images, models, does what is supposed to and causes approval, etc.
And the issue with changing self-esteem is not to "increase", "improve" or do something else with it, but to become independent from outside influences, to realize and accept oneself in the present. The more deeply a person does not accept himself and clings to his illusory social mask, the more difficult it is to do this. If you feel that unknown mechanisms in the unconscious force you to behave as in the described signs and want to gain power over them, to become an internally free and whole person, then I invite you to a free consultation, where we will analyze your situation together and see what can be done so that you feel like a harmonious and self-sufficient person.
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