On The Verge Of Making A Decision To Leave The Family

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Nadezhda Vyacheslavovna Arkhangelskay

psychologist, online consultant supervisor

In our country, where patriarchal values dominate to this day, a man often experiences fear and awe from his decisive actions.

Is leaving the family always a drama?

Unfortunately, it so happened that even many colleagues, as a rule, support women. They sympathize with the "lonely lot", send all kinds of emotional messages to the man, forming a stable stereotype of "scoundrel", "Herod", "traitor", "goat", etc.

As a divorced woman, free from obsessive stereotypes, I support men in their intentions when it is clear that:

• A man does not have the right to vote, personal growth in his family;
• Relationships with a wife are similar to those of a neighbor;
• A man is afraid to leave his children and endures the hardships of life with an unloved / oppressive / toxic woman.

I do not support the thesis that "you cannot get a divorce! You have to endure for the sake of children!"

Yesterday, at the evening supervision, the question of how a man can leave his family in the most environmentally friendly way and with a minimum of losses was sorted out. The girl psychologist, having hired a client, realized that she was not coping. On the one hand, countertransference manifested itself (the client's father left the family and an overwhelming feeling of resentment, aggression, even hatred of this man arose). On the other hand, the girl asked me to share her experience with me as well.

Omitting the topic of working out the personal scenario of a young colleague, I stand up for the man.

Leaving a family is a complex topic. History knows many cases, very different in nature. It happens that a man goes to his mistress (like the sensational example of Valery Meladze and Albina Dzhanabaeva, as well as many examples from private practice), how a man returns from his mistress to his wife (and this often happens), how he leaves the family … a woman, leaving children to her husband and giving birth to children in a new family …

In a word, there are so many different options and scenarios that it resembles the changing patterns of a kaleidoscope.

Of course, in order to be competent, you need not only to get an online education while sitting in one place, but to be in the resource and in practice. Supervisions, constant practice instead of stories sucked out of the finger like "he liked me and I fell in love with him, so I'm a cool writer of notes."

Therefore, practice, practice and more practice!

You can be a psychologist-moralist and say, they say, how is not comrade Ivanov ashamed to leave the family! He must endure!

You can be a psychologist of a completely liberal order and it is toxic to promote "come on, bro! Love only yourself! Do not care at all bitches!"

Or you can just be a human psychologist who understands and accepts, objectively and soberly thinking without prejudice to the health of the client and himself.

• After all, the most important thing is to understand why a man leaves the family and for what purpose he turns to a psychologist?
• For what purpose does a man intend to create a new relationship?
• Does he go nowhere or to his mistress?
• And most importantly, won't the scenario of the previous relationship repeat itself?

In this case, a henpecked man. He is disoriented. My wife and I have a long-term business - "real estate agency". It was created since the 2000s, as students. A lot of investments were made by the parents of the wife, successful and famous people in the city. The guy was, though not from his own ten, nevertheless, he felt "pressed down", "obligated". The wife was a commander, she voluntarily disposed of the lives of the children - three children, four abortions, one miscarriage … She was not consulted with him whether to leave or not. "I always recognized the last one. The mother-in-law was always the first to recognize!"

Life under a hood when you are over forty is sickening. Passion has been gone for a long time. The children have grown up. The eldest is twenty-three, studies abroad, the youngest daughter is sixteen.

It was the daughter who turned out to be shrewd. From childhood, the girl approached her father and sympathized with him. "Poor folder! How she (about mother) doesn't love you!"And some time ago, a young trainee lawyer came for an internship at a real estate agency. She charmed a CEO who had never cheated on his wife before. She showed herself as a real woman from the first days of her stay in the agency. I put things in order in the documents, showed literacy and knowledge in knowledge, and also began to look after the man. Homemade food instead of a business lunch in a cafe, a change of shirts in the summer season … The girl began to show herself as … a mother who was so lacking in a man.

And when my daughter went to her father's office after school, she gladly met his passion. "Daddy! Run! Soon I will leave, no one will protect you at home!"

And now a man is on the verge of a new life …

And is condemnation and moral mentoring necessary here?

The man gradually comes to his senses. No, we are not talking about the fact that he will have a divorce, a difficult division of property, and besides that, there is also a company … A man is afraid of revenge and collapse. But there is no strength to remain either.

And for me it is more important to understand whether a young girl who shows such care is capable of going through serious trials and ordeals as a manifestation of her love for a man? Isn't this a desire to charm, to fall in love with a rich "daddy" who will have to start from scratch in the event of a divorce?

Thank you for your attention!

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