2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Dear parents of already very large or still small children
I would like to appeal to you in order that you take a better look at your children
Perhaps they are different, not the way you wanted them to be, not quite like you in their views and beliefs, or not at all.
Most importantly, they are special in themselves, special for you as parents, special for each of you, individually.
Why this is so important, let's try to figure it out together.
1) Do not interfere with children in your relationship with a partner, relatives, acquaintances
Children are in a different relationship with you: they are children - and they depend on you.
Even if you are in pain, you can tell your child about it, but do not force him to make a choice between parents, between relatives and friends. Don't be forced to take sides.
This is your relationship with someone, not the relationship of a child with him, so you, as an adult and a responsible person, solve your problems yourself. Do not make your child a hostage to the relationship, when he grows up, he will figure out how he treats mom and dad, but you don’t need to “blacken” each other's reputation.
When you want your child or children to protect you, then you become a child, and they become adults, and this already turns the family system upside down, and the life of your children too. If only because children believe you, you are the person to whom they are open in heart. Don't betray your own children.
After all, trust can not be bought anywhere, but time will pass - and the children will grow up, and you will not have to wonder why you have such a difficult relationship with them.
2) Do not compare children to others as much as possible
It seems that in order for a child to grow up ambitious and purposeful, he needs to know whom to look up to, especially in the modern race. There is one "but": he must know himself and his true level and only then choose goals for achievement, this will take time. And if someone is always better than him, then there is a high probability that he will soon believe that he will never reach that level.
Moreover, if his beloved parents, people whom he trusts, also believe that "those other children are better." Of course, the measure is important, but the child is equal not only to your opinion, but also to you. You are his example, no matter how much freedom of choice you give.
He hears how you talk about others, he hears how you talk about him, and even how sincere you are in front of him.
But there are simple truths that are important and necessary to tell children: "You are my most beautiful, intelligent, capable girl!" or "You are my most beautiful, intelligent, capable boy!"
So that they know that they are the best for their parents, so that they can use this knowledge when something goes wrong. To know that there is a place where they are definitely appreciated!
3) Love and listen to your children
To love children, you need so little and so much at the same time. They need to be loved sincerely for what they are, without expectations and their own unfulfilled desires. To love is to explain that when you are angry with them, you love them all the same.
It is also important to explain to the children that when you quarrel with your spouse over children, this does not mean that the children are to blame for something, but they very often think so. Of course, it would be good for them not to see this at all, these clarifications of relations and mutual claims. But this does not mean that you need to arrange a theater in front of the children about how you love your friend, if this is not so.
Respect each other and your children! And if the children want to talk to you, give them some time at least to come to an agreement when you discuss with them what they wanted to say. Sometimes they need it now - and they really need it now, this is again about trusting you and the fact that they still depend on you.
4) Be happy
This is one of the most important foundations of how happy your children will be, especially in adulthood. The sacrifices that you made of your own free will, even if it was for the sake of the children, are not directly related to your children, it is your own choice.
And most importantly, children need happy parents, so everything that you have given up should not make you a deeply unhappy person! They do not need the parents to tolerate each other, only for the child to have a visually complete family. Let no one notice this, but your child will notice, and if he doesn’t notice, he will feel it. Take care of your children!
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