2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The family is a boat sailing along the seething and winding river of life. A pair is two rowers holding an oar. Relationship is how these rowers row. Smoothly and synchronously, or as in Krylov's fable "The Swan, Pike and Cancer", each in his own direction
“The casting is over. The choice has been made!"
Stop testing your significant other for fitness by creating provocative situations for him (her). Remember, as in the fairy tale about Ivan Tsarevich and Vasilisa the Beautiful. Ivan Tsarevich did not wait and burned the frog skin, for which he himself paid. Your significant other has already chosen you, so why else should you check "loves or not"? Ask yourself a question - what worries you, what do you doubt?
"I will die, but I will not submit!"
You should not prove your case at the cost of all your nerves. Think about why you are doing this? What do you want to prove to yourself (mine) to yourself? Why is it so important for you to insist on your own? The problem with many couples is that they are, like two warriors, competing and eager to win at any cost. If your husband put the dirty one in the sink and didn’t wash it, but hung the towel in the bathroom imperfectly evenly, this is not a reason to make a huge scandal!
Try to talk calmly and tell how the glass and towel make you feel, and most importantly, how you would like your loved one to do next time. If you do this without reproach or accusation, then you will be heard.
"You can't have secrets from me!"
Everyone should have a personal life and personal space - this is important. It is important not to confuse personal life and life on the side. If you are married, do not create an excuse for your significant other to suspect you of infidelity. You are a couple, but at the same time you remain individuals, with your needs, interests, friends, hobbies, secrets - and this is what every family person has the right to do. If your significant other hides the phone from you, they call someone and to the question "Who is this?" answers evasively or laughs it off (lying) - think about whether everything is in order in your relationship?
"We have everything in common!"
The personality must continue to grow and develop. Merging, on the other hand, suggests that your significant other does not grow and develop as a person. She is afraid of losing you, and therefore strives to merge with you in all areas of your activity. Then it appears - jealousy, scandals and tantrums. A couple is an organism that develops harmoniously. If someone does not develop, the couple collapses. Pay attention to your soul mate - she has problems and needs help, yours or a specialist.
“Your phone is my phone! I want to know everything about you!"
What for? Who gave you the right to delve into other people's things? Yes, yes it is in strangers! After all, the phone is not yours, which means … If you trust each other and build your relationship on this, then you have nothing to hide. This means that the second half will not have a reason to secretly check your phone. Of course, if your significant other does not suffer from jealousy (not confident in herself, in her abilities, is not a full-fledged person) or you yourself gave a reason to think so. How honest is your relationship? Do you trust each other?
"I am everything for you, and you …" or "He (a) owes me (for) …"
I want to disappoint you - no one owes anything to anyone! Why all of a sudden? Where is this debt recorded? Being a victim and sacrificing yourself is your choice. What does your significant other have to do with it? No one needs your victim, more over time it begins to bother, then annoy and then completely disgust.
Think, do you want such an attitude towards yourself? If not, stop being a victim! A person must have a zest - otherwise he is not interesting! Remember, when you first met, were you like that? Is that why you (you) fell in love? Remember your mood, your look, voice, gait, dreams, goals …
"Social networks are important to me!"
Many young couples spend their free time, especially in the evenings, surfing the Internet, namely in social networks. He is in hers, she is in hers. Virtual communication becomes important for everyone, but not for the couple. Often there is a virtual flirtation, which outgrows a real intrigue in someone. Sooner or later, this is revealed and the relationship cracks like a porcelain vase.
And even if in reality it didn't come to anything, relationships and trust are spoiled. Put your passing firtual hobby on one side of the scale and your marriage on the other. What will outweigh? Ask yourself, what does this hobby give you and what is missing in your marriage? Talk to your significant other about it, share your thoughts
"Give birth to a child at any cost!"
Your relationship will not improve from the birth of a child. If you could not establish them before the birth of the baby, then after his birth, your relationship will be even worse. The child is testing the strength of your family boat, which you named "Marriage". What caused only dissatisfaction, now turn into a stumbling block. Is the child to blame for the fact that two adults could not learn to live with each other in peace and understanding?
“Psychological infertility” - young couples often come to me with this diagnosis. They still continue to fight each other, proving to themselves who is in charge and who is right. These are two children fighting. On the energetic level, these are two masculine energies. There is no female. Where is the place for the baby? Of course not! If you want to have a baby, become an adult!
"Leisure - how is it?"
Spending time together is very important. It is important both to visit friends and relatives together, and to spend this time only together. If you avoid spending time together and always find a reason to invite someone (friends, relatives …) for a walk, picnic, trip … Where you wanted to go together, think about what prevents you from being alone with each other? Remember, how did you spend your time before the wedding? Also? What changed? Why aren't you interested in being together? Remember, no one is obliged to entertain you and make your leisure time enjoyable! In a pair, everything is equal - both are invested.
"I will tell you what (s) you are …!"
Why put up a fight in public if it's just a fight? Today you are quarreling, tomorrow you will make up, and your mother, girlfriend (friend) or sister (brother), remaining in the role of the Rescuer, will wonder what happened, but how can you forgive this … your problems quickly take the place of your wife in your pair as a comforter.
Many even manage to talk about their family troubles at work. Know that none of your colleagues need your problems, but listening to the story of how bad everything is with you is interesting. After all, against your background, everything is fine with them.
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