A WORD WITH THE LETTER "TR": WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT ANXIETY AND ANXIETY PEOPLE?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Anxiety disorder is a world of three "Hs": the world is not reliable, not in control, not safe. Every event that disrupts the routine / algorithm triggers an anxiety (optionally panic / phobic) attack, reinforcing these beliefs. The anxious always live in the future. "Do you love me? And how much? Won't you stop loving me? Won't you leave me? Won't you betray me? What if you are a deceiver, a villain? Yes, of course, you have already stopped loving me, you want to leave me, and you do not say" - this is all hello to anxiety. And, since the anxious live in the future, they always hope that the models and algorithms of reality they have built will be executed exactly as intended, but they are always very anxious ahead of time that these algorithms may be destroyed. Anxious people often think of reality for itself, without realizing it.

Anxiety is always hello to unstable and equally anxious parents. Uncertainty of boundaries, rules, daily routine, reactions, relationships within the family. Growing up on the "what people think" dogma. Thus, mythical "people" are always placed above the real you (other family member / s). An anxious parent has a huge number of algorithms and rituals of its own, but DOES NOT EXPLAIN how or why it works, because he is not aware of himself, and the explanation introduces him into even greater anxiety. Because, in fact, it is not logical, but very even mythological and magical - anxiety is the sister of irrationality. Here, either "follow the order, soldier - orders are not discussed", or "I will not tell you anything, but I will be angry / offended if you do not." In upbringing, it is combined with authoritarianism, harshness, and even cruelty. The same models are extrapolated to the rest of the relationship.

The overwhelming majority of the flip side of anxiety is aggressive irritability. A person draws conclusions on the basis of a non-existent future, he himself beats about it and gets angry at the result. If you noticed something similar in behavior, it is highly likely that you are dealing with an anxious person. Sometimes a person is simply annoyed at something incomprehensible, unclear, not expressed; dig a little - oh, a non-existent future. Well, well, they unearthed the disturbing one. One hundred percent anxious, often nervous, twitchy and deeply vulnerable. Pure logic will not work with such clients (if we talk about the early stages of therapy): it will plunge them even more into anxiety, because there will be a new round of "I am thinking wrong", "I am bad", and there is absolutely not far from panic. The orderly logic of "you are afraid of what is not" is useless and can exacerbate anxiety attacks. However, there are good ways of switching on the type: "what would calm you down now / let us …"; transfer from the internal level of living to the external "what do you feel now", "describe your feelings", "where are they"; translation into bodily experiences (cold - warm up, hot - cool down, hungry - eat, etc.).

At the bodily level, anxious people can rattle (nervous tics, trembling of the limbs, restless facial expressions, continuous chaotic gestures), but they can also be simply not assiduous, for example. Look at the time (with an interval of less than 15-30 minutes, as a rule), rush to call somewhere (or they constantly call them). Walk around the room. They do not tolerate pauses and will try to fill them in even with meaningless phrases. They may be directly interested in "why are we silent?", Notice and mark the slightest interruptions in the conversation. In general, anxious people are often unaware of their body, do not track it, or track it so intensively (especially people brought up with strict etiquette) that they do not notice the discomfort that the constrained position causes them.

Anxiety is always about provocation. Next to the anxious, the other person is bound to be deliciously titanium. No, diamond. It doesn't matter that a diamond is rare and valuable - you will either become this diamond next to the anxious one, or you will become the second anxious one in the relationship. If the head of the family, the leader, the leader is anxious, then the family will be regulated like a clock, and all members will be like mechanical dolls. If the family is not anxious, then he will still look for such a doll, be it a person or an animal. A well-functioning mechanism is urgently needed in life. This is an unconscious life request. If the mechanism works (a person obeys the rules, rituals, the order of the alarming), then stability and security are possible in life. This means that I am doing everything right, which means more mechanisms and more rituals are needed. This is the vicious circle of the anxious person. However, one must understand that rules, rituals, and orders are not bad in themselves, and their competent use in partnership with anxiety can kill two birds with one stone: reduce anxiety and strengthen relationships. The only important thing is the mutual desire to make contact and agreements.