2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When I talk with women about relationships (or read something from other psychologists), there are always those who say that with them and their relationships, the recommendations do not work. At first I thought that they just needed a special approach, but over time I realized that it was not about me and not about the approach. And the fact that they have such an unhealthy relationship that they cannot be "cured", only "cut".
In this article, I want to explore relationships with male psychopaths. Psychopathy is a personality disorder that, if not aware of it, can bring a lot of grief to women who have bonded with such men.
At the beginning of a relationship with a psychopath, it may seem to you that you are in a fairy tale.
He will do everything to please you, "hook" you on himself:
- flowers, gifts, compliments, attention on social networks (for example, placing romantic pictures on your page), sms, poems, walks.
- he looks so in love! Very easily and quickly he can tell you that you are the woman of his dreams, his soul mate.
- he is artistic, charming, self-confident, he has a well-developed eloquence, he is adventurous, smart and daring - it is easy to fall in love with him.
- it makes you feel special. He says that no one has ever understood him the way you do.
After a while, you understand that he occupies the entire space of your life, you think only about him, you really want to like him, you try to behave so as not to upset him with anything. Then you may begin to feel that there is something strange in his behavior. And myself as if treading on the edge.
His words are like honey, but his actions hurt you.
He will constantly make you jealous, but you will not directly blame him for anything. He surrounds himself with persons of the opposite sex - former and potential. Your anxiety and suspicion grows stronger every day. You are losing faith in yourself.
He may start comparing you to other women, and you seem to be forced to compete for his attention and approval. From his side, the effort you like is no longer happening. The bird was trapped in a cage.
If before you were perfect in all respects and felt on a pedestal without additional effort, now you have to try very hard to "fit". He finds your weak points and as if deliberately "hits" them. If you have even the slightest doubt in yourself, be sure that he will find and will certainly highlight this shortcoming of yours. He will manipulate, with all his behavior, proving that your fear is justified. Leave comments in passing. He will not say: "You are fat," he will say more accurately: "This dress is pulled over you, just a little more and you will cease to fit into it." As a result, the lack swells to cosmic proportions, and the woman begins to doubt herself at every step.
If at the beginning of the relationship, sex played a significant role for you, then this will also become a subject for manipulation. He uses sex as a way to control you. First he extols you (for example, says that you are very sexy), and then "suddenly" loses interest in sex and you have to achieve it. At some point, you find that you need sex more than him.
He is not afraid of much, does not feel the pain of other people and at times seems to you to be insensitive. In childhood, these boys torture animals and hurt younger ones.
You start to fear that any quarrel with him may be the last that you can lose him. Somehow it turns out that you are to blame for the quarrels, and you need to make amends. He is always innocent, he is a victim of your aggression. If you are mistaken, this is a world tragedy! If he was mistaken, then this is such a trifle that no worthy person pays attention to. He does not admit his mistakes, but he knows exactly how you should behave. You have to be perfect, but still accept him for who he is.
He expects you to read his mind. If he does not talk to you, then you are looking for what you offended him, what is your fault.
You suddenly realize that most people do not know what he really is. That he is disrespectful to his friends, thinks bad of people that he is a terrible person. But others see him as a nice guy.
This is a person who always has an excuse. He is never to blame. And he easily explains any of his behavior - he is always perfect. And he spends very little time trying to change something in the situation. It is important for him not to solve the problem, but to present himself in the most favorable light in this situation.
To all people who dislike him, he made a diagnosis (fool, drunk, crazy) and this is the only reason why they do not like him.
He adjusts to different people to be good. He has no face of his own. To be able to play well, but it is important to have your own identity. He uses masks to manipulate people.
As a result of the relationship with the psychopath, the woman begins to feel that she is no longer in control of her life. She loses her circle of acquaintances, switching to him or his circle of acquaintances. His behavior is distinguished by selfishness and a constant thirst for attention. It's like he's draining all the energy out of you. You have to make him happy. If you don’t try hard and his mood spoils, you will regret it. You lose yourself, becoming as if an attachment to this person Depression, guilt, humiliation, pain of loss, confusion, hope that he will change. If you feel destroyed and overwhelmed, this is an indicator that you were / are in a relationship with a male psychopath.
The psychopath is characterized by:
Manipulativeness of interaction with people. He cannot communicate openly and sincerely.
Pathological deceit, intrigue, dishonesty.
High self-esteem, unhealthy self-esteem, a sense of superiority over other people.
Charm is the ability to make the first favorable impression, to adapt to people.
Inability to empathize, to feel the pain of another. Roughness, cruelty, coldness, contempt, inattention to the needs of other people.
Lack of feelings of guilt and shame, remorse, regret. Translation of arrows when catching on the "hot".
Pretense and superficiality in feelings, inability to love someone else besides yourself.
Unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions, denial of manipulating others, even with a direct indication of this.
The need for constant approval, praise, care. You need constant confirmation that he is good and loved.
Quiet existence at the expense of others, parasitism, exploitation of other people.
Violent expression of negative emotions, verbal abuse. Overreaction of the defense. Antisocial manifestation in adolescence and adolescence, problem behavior in childhood.
There is a category of women that attracts psychopaths and enters into relationships with them
These are women who have developed the state of "Victim" or "Child" (according to Bern). Infantile, not self-confident, idealizing a partner. Women who want "everything at once" or who are waiting for a meeting with the prince. These can be women over 30 who have not yet matured in their souls and are waiting for fairy tales instead of real relationships.
How to get out of a relationship with a psychopath
The point is that it is not so easy to do it. Seeing that a woman's self-esteem falls very low, she does not find the strength to break this vicious circle. It seems to her that no one will love her for who she is. And this man, if she tries, still loves and approves of her. That is, the manipulator keeps her on the hook of conditional approval. It looks like an addiction. At first she is with him because she feels very good. And then - just so that it would not be very bad.
To end this relationship, you need to restore your self-esteem, make it independent of his opinion. Understand what this drug is, what he saw and lifted, what made you stay in this relationship. You need to start developing it without him. And, as soon as you feel the strength in yourself - to leave urgently, not paying attention to his promises, ostentatious remorse and even threats.
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