2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You will not change
I know it sounds dreary. But it is so. We were all raised somehow, parents, educators, teachers, friends, society wanted something.
We were all born like that Buratino - from a log. Compliant, responsive to the cutter. In order to survive and develop, we took the form that artists saw in us. It could be very painful, but it was necessary then
Did you know that until the age of 11, children do not distinguish between criticism of their actions and criticism of the personality? Parents said: "you sniff and chomp." And we heard: "you are not suitable for us." We are all raised by the threat of rejection by the closest people.
The child is made in such a way that the a-priori parents are right. If my mother tells me with resentment that I am selfish, then this is so. And I have reliably learned this for the rest of my life.
And if you tell me now that I am an egoist, something inside me will treacherously break off and hooted with fear somewhere in the crotch area. And that cannot be changed.
Here is a woman who has successfully organized an interesting job for herself. Sincerely considers himself a failure. Because you can always do better.
Or a man who alone drags his family, his elderly mother and his wife's family. He is insensitive because he doesn’t always pick up the phone right away for the daily report.
In general, a paradox! Most often, people who do a lot for others talk about their egoism. About their lack of organization, those who prepare breakfast for children in the morning, gather their husband, estimate food for the week, and run to work. They are sometimes late there and that's enough to brand themselves.
People come to a psychologist from a bad life. Often without strength and with bits of hope. Hopes for … changing oneself so that life becomes different. Easier, nicer, more fun.
And here I say that you will not change. If you love someone else's attention, you will always love it. If depreciation hurts you, it will always hurt you.
Why then? Why waste time, money, and remnants of hope on psychologists? Why are they? Why am I?
You won't change. But you, exactly what you are, with all the cracks and burrs that infuriated your parents so much, deserve to live well and in peace with yourself. You can reclaim this right. And that's enough.
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