How To Distinguish Jealousy From Cheating?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How to distinguish jealousy from cheating?

Every day, spouses come to me for consultation, who think that they are being cheated on or are given reasons for jealousy. Or both, at the same time. And already being at the reception, they still continue to argue on the topic: "where is the line between just a" reason for jealousy "and" betrayal."

The reason is often the same - a man and a woman could not agree in advance about what “betrayal” is and what is “a reason for jealousy”. Hence the confusion. In fact, everything is simple: jealousy is a person's reaction to such an action or inaction of a partner in a relationship, which evokes associations with the possibility of sex with another person, that is, with treason. Accordingly, in order to avoid jealousy, it is necessary to exclude such behavior that gives such associations with treason. Ten signs of "betrayal" are described in my article "Treason: what is it?", On the website www.zberovski.ru. Check it out, and a lot will become clear, and there will be less controversy about jealousy. In the same article, I want you to feel like a family psychologist and try to develop your own attitude to those examples from practice that you are about to read. This will teach you how to eliminate discrepancies in the understanding of the concept of "treason", to coordinate their positions on this matter. By the way, you can argue about the examples from the article at a friendly party with other couples.

I think this will add spice. So. Conflicting couples regularly come to me, where, for example: - A man is sure that secret meetings of his wife with her former friend (with whom, previously, there were intimate relationships), although they take place in a public place (cafe, cinema), where there is definitely sex does not occur, however, are treason. But the wife is sure that even if this is not good, it is still not treason. - The wife thinks that her husband's masturbation while watching porn films on the Internet is treason, but he does not think so, pointing out that the porn actress is not online and does not even know that a particular man pays special attention to her. Thus, there can be no question of any personal and intimate contact. - The man is sure that the fact that his wife danced twice with a man from another department at a corporate party and sat on his lap is a clear betrayal. The spouse believes that this is just the strengthening of professional relations in the team, albeit too active. - The wife believes that a one-time overnight stay of her husband on a business trip in the same service apartment with a work colleague is treason, but the husband swears that nothing like this happened, he did not even know that there would be someone else in the three-room service apartment (from another city) and not spend the night on the street because of this?

- The husband believes that the wife uploading her erotic photographs with bare breasts on specialized sites of photographers to participate in competitions

- if not outright treason, then in any case - movement in this direction. The wife is sure that her husband simply does not understand anything in contemporary art.

- The wife believes that the official regular gatherings of her husband in a restaurant with a young woman who is the director of the buying firm (of course, with wine and at the expense of the man), followed by her being taken to the house, is treason. The husband, on the other hand, swears that this is only a business and everything is in the interests of the family: after all, if there are no orders from her, this will have a bad effect on the family budget.

- The husband claims that since the wife allowed his friend to her home, who arrived an hour earlier than the time to which he was invited, and drank beer with him, this is treason (and quarreled with a friend). The wife is surprised in response: shouldn’t they let in legally arrived at the invitation of an old family friend (as to participate in a common drink) and send him to wait on the street? As for drinking, after an hour everyone would have started to abuse alcohol.

- The wife believes that since the husband was present in the sauna when the friends summoned the prostitutes to them, this is treason. The husband swears that dealing with corrupt women is below his level. Yes, and he himself told his wife that several of his friends called the women, directly that evening, while still in the sauna, without making a secret out of this and having asked her not to worry in advance.

- The husband himself told his wife that he met with his former mistress (this story was revealed, closed and forgiven in the family seven years ago) on a plane during a foreign business trip, and was sitting in the same row two chairs away from her. The wife, having seen the corresponding photos on the social network of the former mistress of her husband, suggested a conspiracy for treason and, in a temper, left home. The husband asks what he had to do in this situation: get off the plane?

- The wife assumed treason when one client, who was just divorcing her husband, began to write to her husband-lawyer too often in the evenings and nights. And even on the phone she expressed everything to this woman herself, who was under the shaf and take it and tell her wife that she really likes her husband, and if his wife does not appreciate him, then she will gladly build a relationship with him. The husband explains to his wife that among the clients there are regularly really crazy women and one should treat this with a smile, but this position did not find understanding from his wife and she left with the child to her mother.

- The husband is annoyed by the regular correspondence of his wife with a colleague at work, in which she often praises him as “the smartest, best worker and hero of the office,” the husband sees in this a movement towards treason. My wife explains: I am so stimulating to work a naive fool who does everything for me !.

- The wife thinks that her husband's regular trips to massage the same master-woman smell like betrayal. But my husband is happy that he has finally found just such a specialist who really effectively sets his intervertebral discs and saves him from pain in osteochandrosis. - The husband considers an indirect sign of his wife's betrayal that she puts on stockings for work, and she claims that she is hot in pantyhose in a stuffy office and there is nothing like that in stockings.

- The wife believes that if the husband has not picked up the phone several times in a row, when she calls and does not turn on the video mode, this is a clear sign of treason. The husband says that the boss demands to turn off the phones at meetings, and he will not turn on the video as a matter of principle, since he does not consider himself a henpecked one who must report humiliatingly all the time. - The husband believes that expensive gifts from men that his wife brings home are a sign of her betrayal with cool businessmen. The wife retorts that the victory of certain firms in the tender and men's gifts, in this case, are simply bribes, and not elements of her seduction or gratitude for good sex, simply depends on her.

- The wife believes that free likes and comments on the part of the husband of girls on social networks and their secular correspondence is a step towards treason, and the husband sees this as freedom of communication in modern times of the Internet. - The husband believes that registering his wife on a dating site is a clear step towards finding a partner for adultery, the wife assures that this is just a way to raise women's self-esteem and innocently communicate in absentia.

- The wife believes that the correspondence between her husband and her friends is unacceptable and leads to treason, the husband says: if you don’t trust your friends, you’ll first quarrel with them, don’t talk, don’t invite them to visit you.

- The husband believes that when his wife, at the end of the evening at friends' house, saying goodbye, hugged too closely with the owner of the house, pressed her cheek against him and also kissed on the cheek, this is an indirect sign of possible betrayal and is definitely a reason for jealousy, the wife says that this is just a tribute to the politeness accepted in decent society, plus she drank too much, and therefore all this does not count.

- The wife confessed to her husband that even before marriage she had an intimate relationship with another girl. Moreover, these meetings occasionally, several times a year, persist to this day, in marriage. And she asked her husband not to consider this a betrayal, but the husband is convinced that since such a form of communication it is possible to become infected with sexually transmitted diseases, it is still treason and left the family. Stating that he will not return until he receives written guarantees that this relationship has been terminated. The wife refused to give such guarantees, arguing that such a relationship was not a threat to their marriage.

- The husband is outraged that his wife underwent plastic surgery for a noticeable breast augmentation against his will, since everything was fine with him, and sex in the family was at the proper level. He believes that the wife seeks to please some other man, or already has a left connection on the side, that is, she is cheating. The wife swears that this is only for her beloved husband and no one else will get it. - The wife found out that during long business trips her husband uses a rubber doll from a sex shop to relieve sexual tension, she considered it cheating. The husband in response to this only throws up his hands and assures that this is no different from the usual male masturbation in the absence of his wife. Enough for a start. Now your task is to decide: where is "treason", where is "a reason for jealousy." Hence, to recognize the correctness of a husband or wife in a given situation.

Agree: it will be fun! Unless, of course, this has nothing to do with your couple … To carry out the work, either work out the criteria yourself, or use the signs that are described in my article "Cheating: what is it?", On the website www.zberovski.ru. After discussion, so that you do not repeat the mistakes of those men and women that are described in the examples, I advise you to immediately agree on: - What is treason in the understanding of both of you? - What can cause jealousy, what are unacceptable forms of communication with the opposite sex in a couple (and with their own sex as well)? - What should be the mechanism for early warning of conflicts based on jealousy in your couple? I am sure this article will be useful to you. I also advise you to read my books "The Seven Quakes", "How to Assess the Strength of Your Marriage", "If your husband has cheated or left, and you want to return him back to your family." They also have something to think about. If you need the advice of a psychologist and my professional help to analyze your specific family situation or betrayal, you can sign up for a personal (in Moscow) and online consultation by calling +79266335200. The terms of the consultation are described on the website www.zberovski.ru.